To ask how often you 'socialise'

[Alysskea]

I'm probably just being neurotic but I am starting to get a complex as all my friends seem to have an enormous social circle, going out every weekend and after work with a ton of friends. On top of that they've got dozens of people to call on if they need to redecorate or something like that.

I have a handful of close friends and don't go out much - working hard and hanging out with me SO.

Am I the weird one?

Never.
I like to get home, and have a shower/bath , and put my PJ’s on. Bed by 10pm - bliss !

We socialise at least once a week, often twice, and I socialise with other mums on my days off during the week too. Having DC hasn’t changed how often we socialise, we just do slightly different things now.

As a young person, every day was a social event. Now nearing 50 I'm content with once a month or less meeting friends. Dp has a large family so they come over 2-3 times s yr. She's going over there for a 10-day holiday.
I'm going to take my daughters away, just me and them. I can't wait actually, she's a lot busier than I am.

You also have to bear in mind, that life is just a snapshot of that time period, people's personal lives fluctuate.

Rarely but I've got four kids. The friends I've got who don't have kids go out quite a lot. The ones with kids don't.

I don't.

I do have friends but they just want to come to mine all the time rather than go out places and do actual activities. Soooo.... now I choose not too until I find someone who wants to do nice things together.

I don’t think either thing is unusual.

But if you actually want a big social circle, that’s something to work on.

You can only have so many friends though, the outer circles are acquaintances - not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Going to the hairdresser. That's it really. Not particularly bothered about going out regularly otherwise. Life very busy with the brood of DC to raise at home.

We're happily married in our 50's. We love socialising, we go out every week as a couple with often several other couples. We go out separately with friends at least once a fortnight. Then we do loads with both our families. I meet friends for swimming, gym, coffee and spa etc.

I used to be out with friends most weekends and see friends through my hobby a few times a week but since Covid, I haven’t socialised nearly as much per month and I find people are more reluctant to be pinned down for plans.

I’m pregnant and things have dwindled a fair bit now I tend to socialise of a weekend 1-2 times a month (never been massively big on socialising during the week) and that’s it. All the boozy days/ nights out that I used to be able to do I can’t do at the moment so have found my social life has definitely dwindled. I miss it though

I guess I’m hoping to make some ‘mum friends’ when the baby’s born and I’m on maternity leave but not sure how much hope I hold tbh, I’m not particularly maternal and not sure how much I’m going to click with other mums but I am ‘fun’ fo be around (or so I’m told) and always up for a laugh/ doing things so we’ll just see how it goes I guess. I do enjoy socialising of a weekend, I like 1 weekend a month where I can just chill out but ideally I like the other 3 filled with seeing people.

Firstly never compare yourself to other people - it doesn't often end well. If you're happy with how much you socialise, that's fine. If you're not, then change it - be proactive with arranging things with friends/family, try to find a hobby etc.

Personally - me and DP share a hobby which we do 2 evenings a week and socialise after. We go round to our next door neighbour's garden pub every Friday, and go out with hobby friends either for a meal or for drinks a couple of times a month. Plus meals/visits to family of course.

I would be 100% happy sitting in, reading my book every single spare moment I have.. DP is the social one!

I would say some ages and stages need to be taken in to account.

Before dc all the time, drinks after work, salsa lessons, art classes, dinner out every week.

Post DS so in my mid thirties a lot less but out with women friends for dinner and drinks once every three months. Plus my workplace was extremely sociable so pub quiz, dinner or drinks every 2 to 3 weeks or so. Plus we used to have a paid for works lunch once a month, two of my colleagues became good friends.

Now we are all around 50, with covid not much at all. Also lots of my friends are in the throes of sandwich generation. Teenagers in 6th form to just finished University plus ageing parents. One friend drove a 75 mile round trip every weekend for 2 years to see her declining parents. Both my parents and DH Father died within 4 years. DH was flying to Spain to see his Dad as he retired there and mine both lived 250 miles away. Those years were absolutely brutal. Plus DS was doing his GCSE exams and both DH and I were about to peak in our careers.

Now I have some friends to go walking with coffee, lunch, shopping. Five live within walking distance of my house. Usually see one or two a week and have a bit of a rotation. My closest friends have returned back to the rural idyll we grew up in post divorce.

When I was single work was my social life. We would go to the pub for lunch if there was time, go out for drinks after work and then meet up with those I had a closer relationship to on the weekends. Once I met my husband obviously most of my socialising involved doing things with him, but I still saw my girlfriends regularly.
With small kids it was much more difficult. I gave up work after my second and was quite lonely as most of my friends had slightly older kids and were back at work. We saw more family than friends I think (though my husband still socialised a lot through work).
When my kids were in school and I instigated a coffee morning so mums in our kids classes could meet up once a week - as I was new to the area this may be the only time I spoke to another adult (I was a widow by then). We met early enough that those who had to get to work could drop in for a quick half hour, though many at that stage had more flexibility. Through this I made several firm friends and we'd meet up for lunch etc - less so at night but I'd say at least once a month there's be an evening thing.

Posted too early!
I've moved again to another area and I see one old friend most weeks for a glass of wine Friday evenings. Another I meet up with for a walk or lunch about once or twice a month. I don't know many other people yet, but I travel back to where I moved from once a month and always organise a meet up with my old mates - last month nine of us went out to dinner and next week a few will get together for the coffee morning (even though all their kids have left school now it still goes on).
You have to be proactive if you want to socialise more. I'd call myself an introvert very happy on my own, but even I recognise the need for good friends and getting out of my little domestic bubble. This literally means calling people up and asking if they want to meet up! I met a woman through walking my dogs who put me on the local WhatsApp group and another woman on it asked me for a coffee - I'd never met her til I walked in to her house. This is how it starts though.
Be brave!

These responses have actually been really helpful and it's good for me to see the variety I think rather than comparing myself to people with active social lives and a group of people who seem to adore them.

@CircusBaby

I never socialise, I don't have friends and if I do go somewhere (cinema/meal/theatre it's either on my own or with one of my DC.

@CircusBaby How come you don’t have any friends?

What's the point in your question? If it turned out you were being "weird" what would you do about it and why?

Create a life you are happy with. Nothing else matters.

I socialise as much as I want to which is really sporadic. I'm sociable and confident and if I fancy a night out there is always someone to ask, personally. I like it that way, so I created it.

About once a month with friends, once every couple of months with my small family. my husband hates socialising though so he never comes. I do see my best friend for a natter most days though.

@LuckySantangelo35 multiple reasons really. We moved a lot as a kid so I never put down roots, struggled to make friends at school due to adhd plus I was never there long enough to bond with anyone. Then as an adult I've always worked from home as I'm a writer, so no options for workplace friends, and any friends I made during my marriage drifted away after the divorce. As a single mum I find I'm too busy working and raising kids to care about making new friends. I'm quite happy that way tbh! Far less drama. I also like my own company, I like my kids company, and I've never seen life as a popularity contest 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think the question 'How often do you socialise?' is different from 'How often do you go for a night out' too.

I consider it to be socialising when I'm chatting to people I share a hobby with at the beginning or end of a meeting.
I bumped into an old friend in the park last week and we had a lovely long chat.
I'm meeting an ex colleague for a walk this weekend.
I'm going to pick up an elderly relative next week and take her out for lunch
I went to a coffee morning last week. It was a fund raiser someone had organised, but it was a really social occasion, sitting round chatting with people, and meeting new people.
etc
etc
etc

As others have said, it depends on both age / stage of life and also personality in terms of going out for the night after work or big group going out at the weekend being appealing or not. If you aren't, it doesn't mean you aren't socialising.

@User48751490

Going to the hairdresser. That's it really. Not particularly bothered about going out regularly otherwise. Life very busy with the brood of DC to raise at home.

@User48751490

Going to the hairdresser is not socialising!
Do you really never go anywhere else? Like with your friends?

What about when your “brood” grow up? What will you do then?

[quote CircusBaby]@LuckySantangelo35 multiple reasons really. We moved a lot as a kid so I never put down roots, struggled to make friends at school due to adhd plus I was never there long enough to bond with anyone. Then as an adult I've always worked from home as I'm a writer, so no options for workplace friends, and any friends I made during my marriage drifted away after the divorce. As a single mum I find I'm too busy working and raising kids to care about making new friends. I'm quite happy that way tbh! Far less drama. I also like my own company, I like my kids company, and I've never seen life as a popularity contest 🤷🏻‍♀️[/quote]
@CircusBaby

Thanks for replying!
Totally get what you’re saying but are you not a bit worried that when you get less busy raising your daughter that you will be lonely! She will eventually one day leave home.

@LuckySantangelo35 well I don't just have one daughter, I have multiple children, some of whom have already left home, and some are still small. I have many plans for when the younger ones leave home, I plan to travel a lot, I have a motorbike and intend to take that across the country. I already take weekends away on my own because I honestly do prefer that. I enjoy myself, and I don't have to worry about anyone's whims but my own. Some of us genuinely do prefer it that way!

@LethargeMarg

My social circle has shrank massively last few years . I'm Also much happier in my own company or with kids and dh so I have to push myself to meet up with the few friends I still have ! I probably only go out with friends once or twice a month and often these are meet ups that dh has arranged with his friends and their partners who I get on with. I'm not very good at organising my own social things . Often a social event is going for a jog with a friend - I was much more sociable ore covid and pre turning forty , life often feels to busy these days and I just want to collapse of not at work or studying

@LethargeMarg

Why do you think you have become so much more comfortable in the company of your DH and DC than your friends?

[quote CircusBaby]@LuckySantangelo35 well I don't just have one daughter, I have multiple children, some of whom have already left home, and some are still small. I have many plans for when the younger ones leave home, I plan to travel a lot, I have a motorbike and intend to take that across the country. I already take weekends away on my own because I honestly do prefer that. I enjoy myself, and I don't have to worry about anyone's whims but my own. Some of us genuinely do prefer it that way! [/quote]
Thanks @CircusBaby
Motorbiking across the country sounds fab!

Everyone is different.

I went to a birthday party this week, spent the evening at a friend's house, met up with a group of friends for lunch, and I'm going away for the weekend with a friend and meeting up with another group in another city on Tuesday. I'm not usually as busy as that but have a few close friends of different ages I meet up with regularly. Some of my friends are younger with children and I like seeing the children too.

I used to spend a lot of time in pubs but not much these days.

I'm happy with my own company too though.

People have different levels of socialising that feel comfortable for them.