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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how often you 'socialise'

90 replies

Alysskea · 14/04/2022 21:23

I'm probably just being neurotic but I am starting to get a complex as all my friends seem to have an enormous social circle, going out every weekend and after work with a ton of friends. On top of that they've got dozens of people to call on if they need to redecorate or something like that.

I have a handful of close friends and don't go out much - working hard and hanging out with me SO.

Am I the weird one?

OP posts:
tiddlywinks2 · 14/04/2022 22:56

@CircusBaby

I never socialise, I don't have friends and if I do go somewhere (cinema/meal/theatre it's either on my own or with one of my DC.
I'm the same, although I do wish I had some friends to socialise with.
EileenGC · 14/04/2022 23:01

You're not a pariah, everybody has a different lifestyle.

At home I average twice a week, on top of work lunches and dinners. I'm in a highly social industry where everybody is friends rather than colleagues, so we spend a lot of time together. I do go from a month of not seeing anybody, to suddenly being out every night though. It varies.

When I'm away with work (a lot), we eat together every lunch and dinner. But that's mainly because we're all away in random places, often in the middle of nowhere, so it's only natural everybody spends time together in those situations.

I'll tell you the downside of this. I see my mum twice a year and my best friend, 3-4 times a year at most. I'm thousands of miles away from any family. I might have friends I can call to help me redecorate but I don't have my dearest people close to me. In an emergency I wouldn't want a random work colleague at the hospital, I'd want my family. It's hard and I'd swap the endless work socialising for having my mum close, without hesitating. I also don't have children and I live alone, coming back to an empty flat is sometimes bliss, sometimes painful.

Spitescreen · 14/04/2022 23:21

I just finished a book, so I’m seeing everyone. This last fortnight, I’ve had three dinners out plus a lunch with DH’s extended family for a big MIL birthday, also had friends visiting from Berlin over for dinner here, gone to the theatre, had a couple of coffees with different people. Tomorrow I’m meeting my sisters for lunch, spending Saturday at the beach with a friend and our kids, and am going away for a few days with another friend and her family after the weekend. I love social life.

When I’m working hard on something I don’t see anyone, though.

shinynewapple22 · 14/04/2022 23:45

@Spitescreen I assume that you're a writer ? Not that you've just finished reading a book!

lomoloko · 14/04/2022 23:49

About three times a week.

blackheartsgirl · 15/04/2022 00:03

Rarely. I can’t work out whether I’m bothered by this or not Confused

hippyfarmer · 15/04/2022 00:05

Once a year. Feel pathetic.

TurtlesAndTropicalFish · 15/04/2022 00:39

I see a friend for coffee or lunch usually once a week but I don’t usually see friends on evenings or weekends. Would like to see friends with the kids on weekends but my closest friend keeps it completely as family time

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 15/04/2022 07:04

Usually a different friend/group of friends every week.

NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy · 15/04/2022 07:19

On average I'll meet a friend during the week to go to the gym, then another friend or group of friends on a weekend daytime for a dog walk, then a dinner out once a weekend with dh / friends/ family. Sounds a lot written down but it feels balanced as I also work FT and have 3 dc, so friends are important to me.

SafelySoftly · 15/04/2022 07:26

I see friends a reasonable amount, often with DC.

The thing that some people don’t realise is how much effort it takes to organise a social life/see people. I’m one of those bring people together type people. It’s hard work though to maintain friendships, it’s amazing how much people who say they are lovely etc don’t realise this!

RussianSpy101 · 15/04/2022 07:28

We socialise every week.

LactoseTheIntolerant · 15/04/2022 07:56

It depends what you mean by socialising. I see friends pretty much daily for a run/hobby etc and lunch with my mum once a week. But hardly ever do evening things or get invited to them, I stopped drinking 3 years ago and with that a lot of friendships changed (and the way that I socialised) . I really don't miss those prosecco filled nights with a group of fair weather friends who are mainly there so they can update their status on social media or to gossip about people who are not there.
Be careful what you wish for, a night out with good friends is nice but socialising for the sake of it is rarely how it appears on people's Instagram feeds.

Wonderwoman333 · 15/04/2022 08:21

About 3 times per week, this includes daytime meeting, lunches, coffee etc

I go out or to a friend's house in the evening about once per week.

I work 2 days per week and dcs are at school so I have time to do the above, my friends either work part time or don't work too.

I don't know how people manage to do it if working full time.

Spitescreen · 15/04/2022 08:21

[quote shinynewapple22]@Spitescreen I assume that you're a writer ? Not that you've just finished reading a book! [/quote]
Yes! 😀

sjxoxo · 15/04/2022 08:25

I try and say yes whenever anyone invites me- sometimes I can’t be arsed but for e myself to make the effort! I see neighbours for a cuppa/chat/walk at least once a week recently and probably see friends over lunch etc every couple of weeks. DH and I do quite a lot of stuff together, even just popping out or going to see something a bit interesting every weekend so whilst I do sometimes think I need a bigger social circle, in reality I know I can’t be arsed with the effort! I actually really enjoy the older people in our community now I’m on maternity leave- they seem much more interesting to me than younger/people our age. Xx

MrsDThomas · 15/04/2022 08:31

I rarely go out drinking. It bores me sitting in a pub seeing the same faces. And I live too far from one too and a taxi us expensive.

For me, i socialise bu meeting friends for a run, mountain walk etc. i prefer that to a bar.

I don’t do coffee shops, as their coffee is shit

notanothertakeaway · 15/04/2022 08:33

I think it's unhelpful to compare yourself with other people. Better to focus on what you would like for yourself

Friendships don't happen overnight. And you get out what you put in

During lockdown, I went for one walk around the block with a neighbour. And then we did it again a month later. Eventually, it became a regular arrangement to walk together. And then she invited me to a gig as a one off. And then i invited her for dinner

I'd suggest approach someone you know slightly and suggest a short walk or invite them for coffee. Make it precise eg are they free on Tuesday at 10am, so you get a clear answer

Sport is also a great way to meet people, as the focus is on the shared activity

GlamorousHeifer · 15/04/2022 08:36

Most weeks, I spend a lot of time with my sister and close friends.
It might just be a brew or a walk but I also have plenty of nights out having a drink.
Most of my friends are former work colleagues that I keep in touch with. I know a lot of people on MN are adamant that they go to work to work and not socialise but I never felt like that.
If I can find friends along the way that's always suited me! The thing is once you have a few friends it's easier to find more especially if you say yes when you get invited to your friends 'group' things. I have acquaintances that are friends of my friends that are all good for a night out even though we wouldn't be each others first choice in case of emergency etc.
What I will say is keeping it up does take a huge amount of energy (I work full time and have two children with their own social lives that I have to facilitate aswell). I want these people in my life so even if I would rather sit at home sometimes I make the effort and stick to plans to go out to maintain the friendship, it won't happen if you don't make the effort.

user1487194234 · 15/04/2022 08:38

We go out every Friday and Saturday and see friends at least one of the days

Strugglingtodomybest · 15/04/2022 08:54

What I will say is keeping it up does take a huge amount of energy

This is very true. It also takes a certain amount of courage if you are not naturally inclined to take the lead because you will need to do the inviting at the start.

I find, at the start of what you hope is a new freiendship, you also need to not overthink things too much, as it's all too easy to start getting paranoid!

Kurtanforpm · 15/04/2022 08:59

Never. I just don’t know anyone anymore (big move across the country a few years ago). I wouldn’t have the money to go out even if I did know people.

Where I used to live, I made a really nice circle of friends. I used to go out a couple of times a week, it was lovely.

Well, I thought we were good friends, but after I moved it dawned on me that I was the one keeping in touch. I stopped texting about 18 months ago and no one has been in touch since Sad

I’ve met a couple of nice people at a toddler group, but it’s slow going.

Ariela · 15/04/2022 09:02

I have friends I do visit regularly most weeks - one with cancer I'm doing the hospital runs, one in an old people's home, one who is unwell and unable to leave the house.
About once every 3 months I catch up with a couple of friends I've known for about 30 years.

Everyone else is once every few years! Not seen any of my family since pre-covid, but that's exceptionally circumstantial

OldTinHat · 15/04/2022 09:04

Most days, but I live alone, don't work and have no family nearby. If I didn't socialise, I could go days or weeks with no human interaction. (Lockdown was hell for me.)

LethargeMarg · 15/04/2022 09:08

My social circle has shrank massively last few years . I'm
Also much happier in my own company or with kids and dh so I have to push myself to meet up with the few friends I still have ! I probably only go out with friends once or twice a month and often these are meet ups that dh has arranged with his friends and their partners who I get on with. I'm not very good at organising my own social things . Often a social event is going for a jog with a friend - I was much more sociable ore covid and pre turning forty , life often feels to busy these days and I just want to collapse of not at work or studying