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Original poster

Trivial one, group chat rudeness about veganism

71 replies

Patienceisntvirtuous · 14/04/2022 20:20

I'm in a group chat with my girlfriends and family, for the purpose of a weekend trip we're all doing together.

I don't participate in it much because they all know one another really well and I'm a 'newcomer', I've been with gf for almost two years but long distance and haven't spent much time with many of them.

Anyway I'm a vegan. I do not preach, comment on people's choices, say anything about it unless I'm directly questioned, I've been vegan for a long time and It's just one thing about me. If anything I try not to draw attention to it as I'm not very confrontational and don't like people commenting on my food or the other things people say about it, which I've had a lot of over 20+ years!

Anyway today people have been talking about what we're doing about food on the trip and where we're eating and who's bringing what etc.

My gf commented that for the first night she's making Mexican, and that she's preparing some vegan mince for me and beef for herself, and is happy to make more if others want to share.

One member of the group responded to what she said 'Ugh Vegan that's vile!' and another member has responded with a laughing emoticon.

I'd never dream of doing this about anyone's dietary choices. I asked my gf and she said 'He's a chef so he doesn't understand' Hmm

I am not sure whether to respond (with what, I don't know him, have met him about 3 times), or whether to ignore but I just find it ever so rude.

OP posts:
Original poster
Patienceisntvirtuous · 14/04/2022 20:22

It sort of feels like they're talking about me behind (my veganism?) behind my back now. Ironic because it isn't something I give a second thought much of the time as It's been a part of my life for so long.

I am a bit sensitive about some of her friends/family anyway, a while back I posted about her Father being awfully rude to me and a lot of people agreed that I shouldn't spend time with him.

OP posts:
Soresoresore · 14/04/2022 20:24

Yes he’s rude. Is he a partner of one of your friends or family members?
I wouldn’t bother replying- just remember to give him a wide berth when you all meet up. He sounds very immature.

Original poster
Patienceisntvirtuous · 14/04/2022 20:32

@Soresoresore he's a friend not a relative. I am not sure of the dynamics really as he is a lot younger than us (early twenties to our late 30s/early 40s) but I know they spend a lot of time together in a group.

Early twenties is still an adult though, and yes I find it immature too.

OP posts:
Hippoevens · 14/04/2022 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

CooooCoooo · 14/04/2022 20:35

I wouldn't go if I were you because the joking and sniggering won't stop while you're there. You'll get it every time food is made.

I was once made to do a 12 hour shift with a guy I worked with who found out I was vegetarian about an hour in (we were ordering dinner) and he just went on and on and on. Even saying I'd die soon because people are meant to eat meat. Some people just can't accept things (that don't affect them).

Original poster
Patienceisntvirtuous · 14/04/2022 20:41

@CooooCoooo That sounds horrible, I've no idea why people think It's okay to say things like that!

I have had that sort of thing before now too, where people just won't drop it, I really hope it won't be like this this weekend as I will feel outnumbered, I am already the new, infrequent one in this group.

I'd understand if I was insisting everyone ate like me or telling them they should but I don't, I just quietly eat similar things with meat free alternatives and I never mention it unless someone else begins the conversation and addresses me directly.

OP posts:
tearinghairout · 14/04/2022 20:41

It's rude. He sounds ignorant, as if this is threatening to him in some way.

I was at a quiz a while back and they had a choice of vegan or non, I asked for vegan, and when the server asked the woman in the queue behind me if she also wanted vegan, instead of "No, thanks" she made a big fuss and reacted as if she'd been offered something that would give her two heads.

Original poster
Patienceisntvirtuous · 14/04/2022 20:46

@tearinghairout that is what I don't understand, how it can be somehow offensive to anyone! If that was me the other way around I'd have just said 'No I'll have the vegan one please', why make a fuss?

OP posts:
5128gap · 14/04/2022 20:54

I think a lot of the rudeness to vegans is rooted in attack as a form of defence. Either because the person thinks the vegan will be judging them, or sometimes because they're secretly uncomfortable with their own food choices, and the vegan makes them feel worse. From there it just sort of spiralled, and vegan bashing is a thing now. You see it a lot on here with threads about 'rude judgy vegans' popping up now and again and everyone piling on to moan about them. I'm sure they'll lose interest soon and move onto to another group.

RoseslnTheHospital · 14/04/2022 20:55

If he's a chef he should understand and be able to create a vegan dish that isn't "vile". For me, it's a sign of a limited imagination and limited tastes if a chef can't think beyond cooking with meat/animal products all the time.

Regarding this particular chap, he sounds very unpleasant, if he is prepared to be so publicly immature about other people's choices. I think I would ignore, and try to minimise my interactions with him during this weekend. I suspect he may find it hard to restrain himself from commenting on your food choices in person too, sadly.

girlmom21 · 14/04/2022 20:56

I don't know why this is a problem. The other day I went to my parents to see a sibling I haven't seen for a while. We were having the pineapple on pizza debate and I told them they're vile. We all laughed. It's a non-issue.

donquixotedelamancha · 14/04/2022 20:59

I wouldn't go if I were you because the joking and sniggering won't stop while you're there.

You would not go on holiday because one person thinks vegan mince is horrible? Bonkers.

t sort of feels like they're talking about me behind (my veganism?) behind my back now.

OP no-one in this group is giving this the level of thought you are. He may be an arse or it was perhaps just a thoughtless comment about Quorn from a chef but either way it won't spoil your holiday.

If you are already worrying excessively then MN is not going to help. Please consider deleting this thread and focusing on positive activities in real life.

Original poster
patienceisntvirtuous · 14/04/2022 21:02

@girlmom21 I do think that's different. You're commenting on a certain type of food, not a whole movement. If he'd have said 'I don't like mince, It's vile!' That's different to 'Vegan that's vile!'/'vegetarian that's vile!' or conversely if you were vegan and said 'Meat eating is vile!'

@RoseslnTheHospital that's my point exactly, and I've said this to my girlfriend in response to what she said, a chef should be able to create for any cuisine.

@5128gap yes, I guess we're seen as insular beings with an agenda :( I've never been like that and I find it more odd that he doesn't know me at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
patienceisntvirtuous · 14/04/2022 21:03

@donquixotedelamancha I genuinely wondered what (unbiased) others thought-it isn't ruining my life by any stretch.

I generally dislike rudeness from anyone anyway.

OP posts:
Williamshatnershorses · 14/04/2022 21:03

If I was you. I’d be expecting your GF to reply publicly on the chat since she knows him best with something airy but dismissive like ‘lol, don’t be a dick about it’. He’ll either apologise and that’ll be the end of it - but if he doesn’t then at least you know what you’re dealing with.

girlmom21 · 14/04/2022 21:05

I don't think it is different. He was potentially only talking about vegan mince, or at worst vegan foods. He's allowed to think they're vile.

You're allowed to say meat is vile.

It's not a personal attack on you. He's not saying you're vile.

NC fail btw.

donquixotedelamancha · 14/04/2022 21:05

We were having the pineapple on pizza debate and I told them they're vile. We all laughed. It's a non-issue.

Dietary choices are to MN what Protestantism/Catholicism is to Northern Ireland. You may think this bloke just doesn't like Quorn but to OP he insulted the Pope.

5128gap · 14/04/2022 21:06

@girlmom21

I don't know why this is a problem. The other day I went to my parents to see a sibling I haven't seen for a while. We were having the pineapple on pizza debate and I told them they're vile. We all laughed. It's a non-issue.
Its not the same. They're your family, he's a stranger to OP. Also: Not eating pineapple on pizza is not a lifestyle choice. People do not get stereotyped and criticised for their avoidance of pineapple on pizza. No one subjects people to lectures on the health benefits of pineapple on pizza, and how a lack of pineapple on pizza is damaging their health, and expects them to justify their choice when they're minding their own business. No one assumes things about your character due to your pineapple preferences.
girlmom21 · 14/04/2022 21:07

Not eating pineapple on pizza is not a lifestyle choice.
People do not get stereotyped and criticised for their avoidance of pineapple on pizza.
No one subjects people to lectures on the health benefits of pineapple on pizza, and how a lack of pineapple on pizza is damaging their health, and expects them to justify their choice when they're minding their own business.
No one assumes things about your character due to your pineapple preferences.

Ha I can tell you weren't privy to our debate Wink

nocoolnamesleft · 14/04/2022 21:09

Vegan mince is pretty vile. Some vegan food is fine.

3luckystars · 14/04/2022 21:09

I would just post a laughing emoji and forget about it. You know it’s not vile, just ignore it.

DoubleYouOhEmAyEn · 14/04/2022 21:10

Rude and thoughtless. This sort of thing puts me right off a person. You can either ignore, comment yourself or like pp said get your gf to comment . Its shit though and YADNBU.
I hope there are some nicer people on the weekend otherwise I'll be hard work.

donquixotedelamancha · 14/04/2022 21:11

I genuinely wondered what (unbiased) others thought-it isn't ruining my life by any stretch. I generally dislike rudeness from anyone anyway.

I don't think saying vegan mince is vile is terribly rude (though his phrasing isn't great). It's really not insulting a whole movement.

Your lengthy posts read like you are more worried than you think. I doubt his comment is the root cause.

5128gap · 14/04/2022 21:12

@girlmom21

Not eating pineapple on pizza is not a lifestyle choice. People do not get stereotyped and criticised for their avoidance of pineapple on pizza. No one subjects people to lectures on the health benefits of pineapple on pizza, and how a lack of pineapple on pizza is damaging their health, and expects them to justify their choice when they're minding their own business. No one assumes things about your character due to your pineapple preferences.

Ha I can tell you weren't privy to our debate Wink

Fair enough 😂
Original poster
patienceisntvirtuous · 14/04/2022 21:14

@Williamshatnershorses she's replied now saying 'X just because you don't like it doesn't mean It's vile'. :)

@girlmom21 name change fail??

I guess I am 'allowed' but I never would, I find it rude no matter what it is regarding. I suppose some people don't and think commenting on people's lifestyle choices (veganism is a protected characteristic in the UK) is okay.

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