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Original poster

Trivial one, group chat rudeness about veganism

71 replies

Patienceisntvirtuous · 14/04/2022 20:20

I'm in a group chat with my girlfriends and family, for the purpose of a weekend trip we're all doing together.

I don't participate in it much because they all know one another really well and I'm a 'newcomer', I've been with gf for almost two years but long distance and haven't spent much time with many of them.

Anyway I'm a vegan. I do not preach, comment on people's choices, say anything about it unless I'm directly questioned, I've been vegan for a long time and It's just one thing about me. If anything I try not to draw attention to it as I'm not very confrontational and don't like people commenting on my food or the other things people say about it, which I've had a lot of over 20+ years!

Anyway today people have been talking about what we're doing about food on the trip and where we're eating and who's bringing what etc.

My gf commented that for the first night she's making Mexican, and that she's preparing some vegan mince for me and beef for herself, and is happy to make more if others want to share.

One member of the group responded to what she said 'Ugh Vegan that's vile!' and another member has responded with a laughing emoticon.

I'd never dream of doing this about anyone's dietary choices. I asked my gf and she said 'He's a chef so he doesn't understand' Hmm

I am not sure whether to respond (with what, I don't know him, have met him about 3 times), or whether to ignore but I just find it ever so rude.

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 14/04/2022 21:14

No one assumes things about your character due to your pineapple preferences.

I do.

Brefugee · 14/04/2022 21:15

I'd never dream of doing this about anyone's dietary choices. I asked my gf and she said 'He's a chef so he doesn't understand'

my DH is a chef. He goes out of his way to make sure vegans (and vegetarians, and any others with restricted diets) get lovely tasty food to eat. Any chef worth their salt would do the same.

If you meet him make sure to call him a cook, or a slop jockey. They hate that.

FOJN · 14/04/2022 21:16

He sounds rude and immature. I would not pay any attention to him, go and enjoy your trip. If he makes any comments I'd give him very mild responses and move on. You don't owe him an explanation for your choices and neither should you feel self conscious about it. He will show himself up if he makes a big issue of it.

You've been a vegan for a long time but there are a small number of people in the more recent fashionable to be vegan group who are quite judgemental and evangelical. I've been vegetarian for about 30 years and I have never judged anyone's food choices or tried to convert them to my way of thinking so I find this group as irritating as the bloke making rude comments about your diet.

girlmom21 · 14/04/2022 21:17

I think you're choosing to take something as an insult that doesn't need to be taken as an insult.

You could go and have a lovely holiday and forget the comment - or you could choose to make things awkward and uncomfortable for your girlfriend.

donquixotedelamancha · 14/04/2022 21:20

my DH is a chef. He goes out of his way to make sure vegans get lovely tasty food to eat.

My god that's awful, he should respect their preferences. There will be hell to pay if he's found out.

Blendedfamily7 · 14/04/2022 21:21

I don't think you're being unreasonable....

I think this attitude comes from vegan 'extremists' who shove it down your throat at every opportunity. Granted you don't seem like that at all, and it doesn't make their attitude okay. Personally it annoys my that veganism is catered for better than allergens, but it wouldn't make me tear a person's choices to shreds at all.

I'd laugh it off and give them a wide berth at the event 🙂

Original poster
patienceisntvirtuous · 14/04/2022 21:22

@nocoolnamesleft it isn't my favourite to be honest, but for this sort of trip It's fine and I appreciate my gf making my food.

@3luckystars I have ignored him :)

@5128gap yes, I think of it that way, you've just put it much better!

Also I have a very good friend who makes certain comments but I know 100% he doesn't mean it and he often puts in 'orders' for things I make, I made his xmas cake for example-this man is someone I don't know at all who's telling me what he thinks of my choices unprompted and not in humour, for no reason other than to make his opinion known to me, which I find unkind and rude.

@doubleyouohemayen it has definitely put me off him. It says a lot about him I think.

@donquixotedelamancha some of it as I said in the OP is rooted in my feeling unwelcome around my gf's 'group' in other ways by other people, so this doesn't help definitely! I don't dislike anyone in this group (or didn't!) but they're very different to my family/friends.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 14/04/2022 21:22

@donquixotedelamancha

my DH is a chef. He goes out of his way to make sure vegans get lovely tasty food to eat.

My god that's awful, he should respect their preferences. There will be hell to pay if he's found out.

GrinGrinGrin
Original poster
patienceisntvirtuous · 14/04/2022 21:22

@girlmom21 where have you got it from that I'd do that?

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 14/04/2022 21:26

[quote patienceisntvirtuous]@girlmom21 where have you got it from that I'd do that?[/quote]
Based on the fact that rather than laughing or ignoring you're choosing to refer to the fact veganism is a protected characteristic. It feels like you didn't really come here for other perspectives, you came to be told you're right and to challenge people who disagree.

Some of the references you've made here make me think that you feel that, rightly or wrongly, these people are beneath you in some way.

I just don't think your girlfriends going to have a pleasant break unless you relax a little.

Original poster
patienceisntvirtuous · 14/04/2022 21:28

@donquixotedelamancha

No one assumes things about your character due to your pineapple preferences.

I do.

Grin Yes I do too Wink :)

@brefugee oh god, maybe I will if I have too much wine have the nous that weekend! 'Slop Jockey'! Grin And yes, your DH is a proper chef :)

Thank you @fojn, yes I've no intentions of being churlish about it or being any different on this trip.

@blendedfamily7 I promise I am not like that!

What is it you mean about allergens, I've not heard anyone say that before (genuine question, I'm interested).

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 14/04/2022 21:30

some of it as I said in the OP is rooted in my feeling unwelcome around my gf's 'group' in other ways by other people

I understand, but don't superimpose that on this tiny interaction and spoil your hols. Treat it as a light-hearted comment about Quorn and be thankful you didn't get into it about pineapple on pizza.

Frazzled2207 · 14/04/2022 21:30

@Williamshatnershorses

If I was you. I’d be expecting your GF to reply publicly on the chat since she knows him best with something airy but dismissive like ‘lol, don’t be a dick about it’. He’ll either apologise and that’ll be the end of it - but if he doesn’t then at least you know what you’re dealing with.
This

He was immature and rude.

Original poster
patienceisntvirtuous · 14/04/2022 21:31

@girlmon21 well no, I'm not and wouldn't dream of doing. I have ignored, I just wanted outsider perspectives.

That's just a fact (about it being protected).

I have just learned that he isn't even coming on this trip anyway, I am not sure why he's in the group, perhaps he intended to come but now can't for some reason.

OP posts:
Original poster
patienceisntvirtuous · 14/04/2022 21:33

@donquixotedelamancha I won't let it spoil it for me. I now have a food-related debate to bring up if I need a subject change though! Wink .

OP posts:
Blendedfamily7 · 14/04/2022 21:39

Even McDonald's caters for Vegans these days, but they don't for dairy or gluten intolerances.....my issue with that is veganism is a choice, intolerance/allergens are not. But because Veganism is 'trendy' they are better catered for, and in some cases assume that vegan options are okay for allergen sufferers too......they are not 😉
There's a lady I vaguely know who runs 'vegan Kids' she likes to spend alot of time convincing people that Veganism is THE only way to eat. But she's not alone, I have got into (unwittingly) many a debate on social media simply for asking a specific eatery why they cannot cater for allergens as well......it gets ugly 🙃

Original poster
patienceisntvirtuous · 14/04/2022 21:46

@Blendedfamily7o for someone with a dairy allergy, McDonald's (vegan) burgers etc can't be consumed as they can't guarantee dairy free, and no GF options?

And yes of course nobody chooses to be allergic/intolerant to something.
I am intolerant to diary (learned the hard way many years ago but of course not much an issue for me).

I hope things do improve soon.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 14/04/2022 21:47

Hopefully you get to bond nicely with the people who are attending and he'll be more wary about his comments in future when the others start calling him out on them

girlmom21 · 14/04/2022 21:52

If McDonald's can't guarantee the burger is dairy free they can't call it vegan though, can they?

Blendedfamily7 · 14/04/2022 22:00

See, I would agree here.....the whole thing is a massive marketing strategy....companies like McDonalds don't give a monkeys if people are vegan, GF or dairy intolerant, they just want to sell burgers 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
patienceisntvirtuous · 14/04/2022 22:33

@girlmom21 I hope so too, I'll try my best.

@blendedfamily7 yes, they're by far the only ones too!

OP posts:
Original poster
patienceisntvirtuous · 14/04/2022 23:03

@girlmom21

If McDonald's can't guarantee the burger is dairy free they can't call it vegan though, can they?
That is a point too isn't it?

I don't eat there but it makes me wonder.

The others in the group are having a go at her for standing up for me now. It's all very childish :(

OP posts:
BadLad · 14/04/2022 23:44

@donquixotedelamancha

my DH is a chef. He goes out of his way to make sure vegans get lovely tasty food to eat.

My god that's awful, he should respect their preferences. There will be hell to pay if he's found out.

This needs more recognition.
Trivial one, group chat rudeness about veganism
Skinnydogz · 15/04/2022 01:12

I'd go and make a big scene of cooking vegan breakfast and calling all of his food and clothing choices vile and have a laugh about it. See how he likes it, your life your diet your choice

UnadulteratedCat · 15/04/2022 01:22

So a chef is unable to appreciate different types of food. Maybe he doesn’t have the skills to use more than meat in his dishes. What a loser.