Trivial one, group chat rudeness about veganism

[Patienceisntvirtuous]

I'm in a group chat with my girlfriends and family, for the purpose of a weekend trip we're all doing together.

I don't participate in it much because they all know one another really well and I'm a 'newcomer', I've been with gf for almost two years but long distance and haven't spent much time with many of them.

Anyway I'm a vegan. I do not preach, comment on people's choices, say anything about it unless I'm directly questioned, I've been vegan for a long time and It's just one thing about me. If anything I try not to draw attention to it as I'm not very confrontational and don't like people commenting on my food or the other things people say about it, which I've had a lot of over 20+ years!

Anyway today people have been talking about what we're doing about food on the trip and where we're eating and who's bringing what etc.

My gf commented that for the first night she's making Mexican, and that she's preparing some vegan mince for me and beef for herself, and is happy to make more if others want to share.

One member of the group responded to what she said 'Ugh Vegan that's vile!' and another member has responded with a laughing emoticon.

I'd never dream of doing this about anyone's dietary choices. I asked my gf and she said 'He's a chef so he doesn't understand'

I am not sure whether to respond (with what, I don't know him, have met him about 3 times), or whether to ignore but I just find it ever so rude.

@Patienceisntvirtuous

I'm in a group chat with my girlfriends and family, for the purpose of a weekend trip we're all doing together.

I don't participate in it much because they all know one another really well and I'm a 'newcomer', I've been with gf for almost two years but long distance and haven't spent much time with many of them.

Anyway I'm a vegan. I do not preach, comment on people's choices, say anything about it unless I'm directly questioned, I've been vegan for a long time and It's just one thing about me. If anything I try not to draw attention to it as I'm not very confrontational and don't like people commenting on my food or the other things people say about it, which I've had a lot of over 20+ years!

Anyway today people have been talking about what we're doing about food on the trip and where we're eating and who's bringing what etc.

My gf commented that for the first night she's making Mexican, and that she's preparing some vegan mince for me and beef for herself, and is happy to make more if others want to share.

One member of the group responded to what she said 'Ugh Vegan that's vile!' and another member has responded with a laughing emoticon.

I'd never dream of doing this about anyone's dietary choices. I asked my gf and she said 'He's a chef so he doesn't understand'

I am not sure whether to respond (with what, I don't know him, have met him about 3 times), or whether to ignore but I just find it ever so rude.

I would just say ‘ah don’t worry about it, RudeFriend, I like it when other people aren’t vegan, means more for me! 😂’

Let’s him know you clocked it, but lightheartedly enough that he can’t be pissy about it. If he does then I’d go for jugular (in a vegan way 😉)

He’s rude though, no need for it.

@UnadulteratedCat definitely my thoughts on that aspect of it!

@TheOriginalEmu I've since learned that he isn't even coming (makes it sort of worse somehow, no need for him to comment on that at all) but yes, for future that's the tactic I'll take.

I would respond with 'Oh, my favourite food is a potato, they are so versatile - you can mash them, roast them, boil them, turn them into chips, crisps, jackets, wedges and vodka and turn them into cute little dinosaurs and letters from the alphabet. Shit, they are vegan though?!?!'.

Just me, but I'd then probably add 'Because there is nothing more sweet and less vile than eating the dead body of an animal that was probably happy just getting on with it's life, without hurting anything else'.

Fucking walker.

That wasn't meant to say walker, but I guess you might've got that

I'm mostly vegan and I'm very enthusiastic about it. People seem to get really offended and take it personally when noone forces them to eat it.

I give my reasons but I also like to promote it just for the sheer tastiness of it. Pre becoming vegan I didn't realise what I was missing out on. Vegan meat substitutes is only a good substitute for processed meat and it is mainly for people who can't cook very well or are new to it.

@NotMushroomInEre I cannot think what you meant to put

I'd go and make a big scene of cooking vegan breakfast and calling all of his food and clothing choices vile

Yes, that seems a completely normal way to behave around your GF's family. I'm sure OP would then be applauded by everyone. What great advice.

@donquixotedelamancha

my DH is a chef. He goes out of his way to make sure vegans get lovely tasty food to eat.

My god that's awful, he should respect their preferences. There will be hell to pay if he's found out.

I'll tell him to be careful out there. Thanks for the belly laugh

As for McDonalds not being able to guarantee their vegan food isn't 100% dairy free - it's not about the ingredients. It is because they aren't catering for allergies/intolerances with these products so they aren't as careful with cross contamination as they would be if they were handling, say, gluten free food. Most vegans i know are ok with that.

(just to big up the Chef I Live With a bit more: he's shit hot at the cross contamination rules too, and has introduced both gluten and lactose free parts of their menu, as well as Halal and Kosher on some days)

Ignore and move on.

Evans get a bad rep because some aere evangelical and preachy about it. My exes BFF was one of those vegans who told you within 2 minutes of meeting her, moaned about anyone eating no -vegan food around her, lectured everyone on the food industry and was soooo picky about where we ate out for group meals ( a couple of vegan choices on the menu wasn’t enough, it had to be half the menu).
Absolutely ballache.

Tbh leave it. It's says a lot more about him than you.

Don't bring it up, just quietly do your thing & ignore him. He comes across very immature & probably has not really given much thought about what he has said.

@patienceisntvirtuous

@Blendedfamily7o for someone with a dairy allergy, McDonald's (vegan) burgers etc can't be consumed as they can't guarantee dairy free, and no GF options?

Surely vegan always = dairy free? Obviously no help on the gluten side but they can't claim it is vegan if it is not dairy free?

Agoonygirley - surely if everyone 'ignored and moved on', mumsnet wouldn't exist

I would reply 'not as vile as rotting flesh'

So rude, but probably unthinking. I'd say it's up to your girlfriend to pull them up on it. Not necessarily on the group chat. And you should cook them a great vegan meal to show just how tasty it can be!
I dated a vegetarian and we went to visit some relatives and the hosts idea of catering for him was to just remove the meat element from the dish before plating (it was some sort of all in one dish). My bf just pushed the food around the plate a bit and ate a lot of bread. The host was a keen cook but didn't 'believe' in any food restrictions. At his step daughters wedding he said any veggie could go hungry! A vegan would probably send him over the edge.

He's just attention seeking like a three year old who likes saying 'bum' or 'willies'. The difference is that he's using the bog standard toxic male chef trope of hating Vegans.

If the vegan chilli was made with vegetables and beans and I could trust whoever was cooking it to be able to keep everything gluten free , I'd have it in preference to a meat one. Partly because I prefer it and partly just to piss off the macho little twat trying to come across as oh, so fucking edgy and just like Gordon Ramsey.

To comment negatively on a food someone is offering to cook, is rude, if someone offered to cook prawns, which I hate, I wouldn't say they are vile, because I know that they are not vile to everyone. Even my grandchildren know they are allowed to refuse a particular food if they don't like it but that to make a fuss and say it is vile is not good manners.

@ahgooneyegirlye I promiose I am not like that!But yes, I guess those types make things difficult for the rest of us.

@ukborn my heart sinks when people do that! My Mother used to. I once put myself an extra portion of roast veg in the oven when I learned that that was basically all I was getting, when she was cooking dinner. I went to sit in the other room while dinner was being cooked and when called through to eat, she'd taken them out! And served me my original, minscule portion on a side-plate!

@neverdropyourmooncup the chilli my gf made was lovely and others tried and said so too. I did smirk at the 'bum' 'willies' thing, so true.

@queenmab99 yes, vile is a pretty horrible word to use. And no need for the comment at all in this case, he isn't coming on the trip, and even if he was 'I'll have the meat one please' or 'not for me thanks' is all that was needed.

You could put something like 'gf is a fantastic vegan chef, if everything you make vegan is vile maybe she could give you some lessons.'

Now craving pizza with pineapple 🍍🍕.

@Unexpecteddrivinginstructor that is a good idea! He does work at at nice restaurant (that does have vegan options)I've never been however so cannot vouch for his cooking.

He is making a twat of himself.

“Haha it will be fab, nothing gf cooks is ‘vile’, but Don’t worry, I wasn’t planning on sharing it with you! “