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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do mums have to bake

75 replies

Worryworry887 · 14/04/2022 09:15

I dislike baking (although I do like cooking!), but my husband does most of the cooking at the moment, and don’t really see the point of it - very messy, and you end up with lots of cake you then have to eat (not great for the waistline!) and just don’t enjoy it. However, I feel a great pressure since becoming a mum that I should be baking with the children…this especially comes to the front of my mind when family come up (in laws) and there is a great flurry of the women in the WhatsApp group (mum and sis in law) deciding what they are going to bake to bring to ours, what ingredients they are going to bring to bake with my daughter. BIL has also got a new girlfriend and she joins in with it as well. I always end up feeling guilty and a bit self conscious that I just leave them to it, and also pressure as a women to join in with all this baking, which I hate. I’ve never made a birthday cake for my daughter, always bought or other people make it. I did try and do baking with her once but ended up with me doing it all and her going off the watch TV. So, yes, your children are missing out if you don’t bake all the time, with them, or, no, who cares. And does anyone else feel this?

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 14/04/2022 09:19

Ds liked making gingerbread shapes and cupcakes but we didn't do baking all the time. Now I quite enjoy baking but on my own rather than with the kids.

Camomila · 14/04/2022 09:21

I love baking, regularly bake with DS1, and always make the DCs birthday cakes...but I hate crafts and do them very rarely (save them for nursery and grandma's house)

I think we all have some stereotypical "mum things" we are less good at/don't enjoy. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Toloveandtowork · 14/04/2022 09:22

Yes, of course you have to do it. It's all part of the recipe for being a women, especially a mother.

luxxlisbon · 14/04/2022 09:22

Of course you have to bake if you are a mum.

You also must have no interests other than cleaning your house, sewing your own clothes and definitely don’t have a full time job either!

Dads are okay though, they don’t have to change their entire personalities when they have a child.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 14/04/2022 09:22

I hardly ever baked with DS. He got fed up with all the mixing and I'm not very good at it. I never did much crafty stuff with him either as I'm shit at that.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 14/04/2022 09:25

I love baking, I dislike baking with ds. I find it stressful, so I don't do it as often as I did pre ds.
However my mum and mil adore baking with him, he does as he's told for them... so he bakes with them every week instead.

If you don't like it, don't do it. I make chocolate nests with ds, much less stress and you can control the amount you make, we go to the shop and he picks what is going to be in there, this week it was "Dino eggs" so yoghurt covered raisins 🤣

ClottedCreamAndScones · 14/04/2022 09:25

Nope not at all. But general life skills as they grow up are essential.

Please don’t just bake because other women are - learning how to cook healthy meals is great, so my dp does that with our ds. He’s far better at that than I am. Teach them to be well rounded and able to do a variety of essential and non-essential tasks and have fun whilst you’re doing it.

I’ve done some great woodwork stuff with ds as we enjoy doing that together. Baking - not so much!!

carefullycourageous · 14/04/2022 09:25

What? Baking is not compulsory and many mums do not bake. I always refused to bake for school because fuck that. I bake when I want, not when society tells me I have to.

You have internalised a load of sexist shit about mums, and baking, and you can choose to reject it.

You only have one life. Do you want to spend it showing your kids they must doing something they don't like just because our sexist society says they should? Or do you want to show your kids that people - men and women - are free to choose how to spend their time?

Get a grip. Sack off the baking. Do something you do enjoy.

dementedpixie · 14/04/2022 09:25

My dh does the majority of cooking and I cut the grass so we aren't entirely stereotypical. My kids liked baking but it was more about the measuring and the mixing than the end result.

I probably bake more now that they arent involved in the process

Tigerteafor3 · 14/04/2022 09:26

I love baking so I do it quite frequently with DD (about to make a cheesecake by myself) BUT if its not something you enjoy then don't stress it.

If its something you want to do, look at kids recipes, fewer ingredients and steps, smaller yield, simple. If DD and I make something bigger we give some to the neighbours.

DrJump · 14/04/2022 09:29

You could cook with the kids instead of baking. A pasta sauce, or a curry is possible. We have an electric flat press so my son can do eggs, or toasties.

Norgie · 14/04/2022 09:30

No they don't.

Onlythelaundryfairy · 14/04/2022 09:30

Of course you don't. It's quite a good "science" lesson for kids now and again, but no need to do it regularly if it's not your thing. Get DH to do it?

OhRiRi · 14/04/2022 09:30

Were you not made to take your baking proficiency exam in antenatal classes?

oldestmumaintheworld · 14/04/2022 09:31

Don't bake if you don't want to. I agree with previous poster that it is important for children to learn how to cook, but if your husband does that, fine. You don't have to. And if other people in the family bake, then let the children bake with them. My grandmother taught me, not my Mum. She was too busy running her business. She taught me bookkeeping instead!

Talipesmum · 14/04/2022 09:32

Just let them do baking with visiting relatives - that’s fine. Maybe your DH can get them helping with the cooking - it’s good for kids to help and get experience in the kitchen, but there’s no reason that has to be baking.

My mum never baked (my dad did all the cooking and baking) and nobody gave two hoots.

HardRockOwl · 14/04/2022 09:32

Yes, all mothers need to bake.

It's the law

caringcarer · 14/04/2022 09:35

When we have a school holiday I bake with DFS. That works out about every 6 weeks. I let him pick what we bake. He helps put ingredients on to online shopping order and gets quite excited when it arrives. I hated messy stuff like painting and let my sister do that with him. I can't sew so can't show him how to do that. I can just about sew a button on. He likes to help with cooking too. Now at secondary school they cook/bake there. You are not obligated to cook/bake with child but somebody will need to teach him at some point.

AuntieMarys · 14/04/2022 09:35

I'm in my 60s. Never baked with my dcs. I hate baking...love cooking.

LeavesOnTrees · 14/04/2022 09:36

Yep you've definitely failed as a mother if you can't produce a batch of colourfully decorated cupcakes at the drop of a hat.

carefullycourageous · 14/04/2022 09:36

also pressure as a women to join in with all this baking

I can't get this sentence out of my head. It is 2022. WTF happened to the progress I thought was coming when I was younger?

bridgetreilly · 14/04/2022 09:37

It’s more important that at some point she learns to cook actual meals. And that you spend time with her doing something you actually enjoy.

Loopytiles · 14/04/2022 09:37

I’m confused: are you saying that your in laws often bring ingredients to your house to bake with your DD? If so, that’s overstepping and annoying IME!

You and your DH can do / not do whatever activities you like with your DD!

EvilPea · 14/04/2022 09:39

I’ve always just cooked with my kids.
Dinner
Cakes
Biscuits
Bread (great science experiments with yeast)

They will need to cook and it’s my job as a parent (not specifically female bit) to teach them how to.

As a non parent it is an easy way to engage with other kids without having to know too much about that child or do role play stuff.

Toomanyradishes · 14/04/2022 09:40

I still value the things my grandmother taught me seperate to my mother. So if there are people in your family who enjoy teaching your children to bake let them. No one parent has to be good at everything thats the value if having a community around children, to teach them a variety of skills.

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