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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do mums have to bake

75 replies

Worryworry887 · 14/04/2022 09:15

I dislike baking (although I do like cooking!), but my husband does most of the cooking at the moment, and don’t really see the point of it - very messy, and you end up with lots of cake you then have to eat (not great for the waistline!) and just don’t enjoy it. However, I feel a great pressure since becoming a mum that I should be baking with the children…this especially comes to the front of my mind when family come up (in laws) and there is a great flurry of the women in the WhatsApp group (mum and sis in law) deciding what they are going to bake to bring to ours, what ingredients they are going to bring to bake with my daughter. BIL has also got a new girlfriend and she joins in with it as well. I always end up feeling guilty and a bit self conscious that I just leave them to it, and also pressure as a women to join in with all this baking, which I hate. I’ve never made a birthday cake for my daughter, always bought or other people make it. I did try and do baking with her once but ended up with me doing it all and her going off the watch TV. So, yes, your children are missing out if you don’t bake all the time, with them, or, no, who cares. And does anyone else feel this?

OP posts:

Beamur · 14/04/2022 10:39

Of course not.
But cooking generally is both a good life skill and for little kids, a useful and positive experience of messy play. But you can achieve the same with playing with water or dough.
Many kids like baking but it's not essential.

mafted · 14/04/2022 10:39

I love baking on my own, I never really enjoyed baking with small children. One of my DC now older really enjoys it and it's become a nice activity to do with him.

What makes you feel guilty about not joining in when your in laws bake together though.
My in laws love big family games of cricket, football and rounders, my children do too, it's cringy and not enjoyable for me so I don't do it. I don't feel guilty about it.

Lyricallie · 14/04/2022 10:41

Lol I'm in my late 20s and my mum never baked I didn't even know it was a thing for home made birthday cakes until my friends were talking about birthday cakes one day. Tesco's chocolate tray bake was a classic in our home. Weirdly it's never affected my life that I didn't have baking as a child. Personally I don't bake because it's not something I enjoy and I don't understand where all the food goes when it's just me and my husband, seems pointless baking a whole cake for 2 and baking one smaller seems like a lot of effort.

TeeBee · 14/04/2022 10:43

'I dislike baking'...there in your first line you've answered your own question. Do what you want. The shops sell cakes.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/04/2022 10:46

I don’t really like baking.

I’ll do a bit with the kids, but it’s not really up my street. I just don’t enjoy it!

Hugasauras · 14/04/2022 10:48

Of course not! Personally I find it a good activity for a rainy afternoon, but then I love eating cake We get a baking subscription box as I'm too disorganised to always have stuff in, so it's handy to have that to dig out when the weather is rubbish, but it's definitely not a mandatory activity. I need to do more cooking with DD actually as I think that's probably more 'useful', but cooking dinner is my podcast and chill time at the end of the day as DH usually takes her when I'm cooking!

Tlollj · 14/04/2022 10:48

I never baked with my four. Doesn’t seem to have done them any harm.

Kokapetl · 14/04/2022 10:54

No there is no point baking with kids if you don't enjoy it yourself.

My parents rarely baked. I love baking and have taught myself. I do bake with my kids but actually their interest is fairly limited. Mostly they like eating the ingredients and sometimes decorating.

bigbluebus · 14/04/2022 10:55

I can bake, but I don't - unless I have reasons to make cake for something in particular eg birthday, volunteer event where refreshments required, school cake sales (back in the day). I love cake but I only eat it as a treat and if I baked I'd eat too much (can't abide waste).
I don't remember ever baking with the DCs - in fact unless DS ever baked a cake at school then I don't think he's ever made one. He's 25 now and a fantastic (savoury) cook - watches loads of foodie/cooking videos on You Tube. He's an intelligent lad and I'm pretty sure if he had to bake a cake then he could manage it.

SatinHeart · 14/04/2022 10:55

I always end up feeling guilty and a bit self conscious that I just leave them to it, and also pressure as a women to join in with all this baking, which I hate

There's your mistake right there OP. Why not just enjoy your extended family doing baking with your DC? It's a win-win situation.

I hate baking especially with DC, MIL loves it --. MIL bakes the kids' birthday cakes and does baking with them when she visits. I don't feel guilty, I'm happy for it to be 'their thing' that they do without me!

There are lots of ridiculous middle class societal pressures on mums, life is too short to be making yourself do 'activities' with DC that you hate, especially if someone else is offering to do it for you.

DdraigGoch · 14/04/2022 10:58

and you end up with lots of cake you then have to eat

You could always post it to me.

Anyway, it was always my dad who did the most baking in my family, mum would only really do it for birthdays. He even baked their wedding cake.

Original poster

Worryworry887 · 14/04/2022 12:22

Thanks everyone! Glad to know so many people think the same 😂 and yes, I don’t mind cooking so DD gets roped in sometimes to chop mushrooms and stir. Reason I ask is yes, there have been some subtle comments - don’t you bake with her? And kind of oh you don’t bake so I’ll have to pick up the slack kind of vibe, Which make me feel it’s essential haha. Totally agree about using grandparents for baking so they still get to do that stuff.

OP posts:

BogRollBOGOF · 14/04/2022 12:27

I baked my first cake at uni while living in halls. DM had never baked in my lifetime. I thought it must be really difficult from the fuss she made about the concept and from hearing about ovens being the right temperature and cakes sagging, but it's not that hard.

I don't bake with my DCs. They get bored and wander off before halfway through measuring. I bake occasionally when it suits me. As a "life skill" it's easy enough to pick up.

I do other stuff with my DCs, it's not obligitory for it to be baking.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 14/04/2022 12:27

I love baking and do it often with DS. But I also used to do it before I had kids,
so not related to being a mum.

Since lockdoen I've also started sewing, the feminist in me is outraged at these home maker hobbies. But then I sit and look at my kids wearing home made clothes in amazing beautiful fabric and stuff my face with cake. Its ace!

MinnieMountain · 14/04/2022 12:38

I’m quite relieved that my 8yo isn’t interested in baking as I much prefer to do it alone. We still do occasionally because life skills.

DorritLittle · 14/04/2022 12:55

I rarely bake. My repertoire is variations on a Victoria sponge. I made fairy cakes with my toddlers for something to do. I usually buy their birthday cakes because I don't do more than basic decoration.

DD is despite this a real foodie, has joined a cooking club at school and baked/cooked all sorts despite my lack of enthusiasm.

Qwill · 14/04/2022 13:24

Do dads have to bake too?

Furrbabymama87 · 14/04/2022 13:27

I can't bake to save my life. Cooking is more important. You don't have to be chef standard but it's good to be able to at least cook basic healthy meals if you've got kids

Whatthechicken · 14/04/2022 13:54

We bake a cake occasionally or make flapjack. But I find it stressful and the definition of unreasonable force is a four year old cracking an egg. I think it’s far more practical for me to teach them and supervise them making their own breakfasts and sandwiches now.

EvenLess07 · 14/04/2022 14:04

I use packet mixes with my toddler DD, she still gets to stir and sneakily taste the mixture without all the hassle . I see it as more of a messy play activity at her age than something I have to do because I'm her Mum, but I definitely understand what you mean by the pressure to be the Mum who bakes. Especially by in-laws/the older generation.

It is something I'd like to do more of when she gets older but more to get something out of it myself than to teach her tbh as I've done very little of it as an adult and would like to learn a new skill.

Pegasussnail · 14/04/2022 14:07

I'd just bring a cheeseboard
Seriously though I can't deal with sexist stuff like this. Though I do bake a little - crumble is my specialty (easy - cop out)

AntarcticTern · 14/04/2022 14:10

I'm like you OP - I like cooking but don't like baking. I tried a couple of birthday cakes when the DC were small but quickly realised that shop bought was the way forward! Now they're old enough to bake on their own (and sometimes do).

yellowsuninthesky · 14/04/2022 14:44

@Toloveandtowork

Yes, of course you have to do it. It's all part of the recipe for being a women, especially a mother.

Indeed. Along with making costumes for the all too frequent dressing up days at school.

You are a BAD MOTHER if you don't do these things.

(I was a very bad mother as I neither bake nor sew)

Original poster

Worryworry887 · 14/04/2022 15:20

I don’t bake, or do crafts 😆😆 I mean, am I even a mother? I think lockdown exacerbated the pressure (along with in laws) as everyone seemed to go craft mad. Lots of crafts are done at nursery so that ticks that box 😂. I do enjoy stuff like Lego 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:

veevee04 · 14/04/2022 15:21

I think I've baked once with DD and it was a pre made cake mix . I much prefer cooking we make home made pizzas and all sorts.

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