I've been seeing a guy since October and he's known from the start I suffer with anxiety and depression. For the majority I am okay, I go to work and I'm quite a happy person however I was hospitalised last year with my depression.
Anyway, he's got a temper and he's been in a few fights since I've been seeing him. He's a boxer and I think that same attitude comes out when in normal situations.
We are in our 30s and I've never been with anyone who's had a temper etc, we were in the local pub with his parents and he kicked off because a man was touching a girl at a bar who he knew and she has a boyfriend. It was embarrassing and I didn't know what to do or say. His Dad is a retired chief inspector for the met and this was the first time I met them. I couldn't work out how this guy I'd met who told me he'd come from a respectable family etc had such bad anger problems.
At the weekend, we went out for drinks for a friends birthday. He kicked off because a man spoke to me at the bar (literally said how long it was taking to being served) nothing untoward or flirty. We got back to his friends and he kicked me out, 45 minutes away from my home town and I had to call my friend to pick me up.
He stayed up all night snorting cocaine and drinking, again, I've never touched drugs and something I disagree with. All night he was sending me nasty messages and then Sunday asked me to go round and talk, my car was at his and some of my clothes etc so I got dropped off.
He was really sorry and I let it go. Monday I woke up with really bad anxiety and I was upset, he shouted at me, told me I need to exercise and that he wish he had time to be down but he can't as he's got a house to run etc.
I went to work feeling really small and run down. Last night I got back to his after work and he got us a take away, I had a massive lump in my throat and chest and my stomach was in knots and I cannot explain how uncomfortable I felt. Again, he was really nice and ran me a bath. Whilst I was in the bath the feeling of needing to get away was getting stronger and I text my aunt to let her know that I had a gut feeling to get away, he was in bed and I said to her I would pack my stuff in the morning when he went to work and leave.
This morning he's called and I've cried because I'm so gutted that the guy who was so nice to me in the beginning is somebody I don't recognise. I've never been in an abusive relationship before but he was again, really kind and saying he was sorry for the way he handled my anxiety. This was after I told him I was going home for a while. I feel like he's playing the nice guy to get me to stay there.
I've come home and my stomach is in knots but I feel such relief that I'm away from his house and him.
I'm rambling and I'm doubting myself and wondering whether I've been too hasty in leaving even though I feel relief.
I've never had a gut feeling so strong to get away from somebody and I think it's shocked me.
In your experience are strong gut feelings mostly right. Im so conflicted because of the loving, attentive person he can be. I just feel really sad.