Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

You don’t tell your most successful child you were a ‘useless’ parent because of other siblings

62 replies

BigGreenSofa · 12/04/2022 22:54

So my MIL loves to tell us how we should share our success with her/DBIL/DSIL ie: people will lots of money spread it about the family as opposed to keeping it for themselves. Unfortunately for her, a of the financial backing we have came from inheritance I got (which we used to springboard further) but will mean neither she nor his siblings will ever have right to any of it.

Tonight she started laying it on really thick to DH that she was a useless parent because DBIL doesn’t ‘earn enough’ (he has a very reasonable job but no, will not ever be able to match our situation) and DSIL won’t succeed in his chosen career (he won’t - he’s not pushy enough). As it goes DBIL (who doesn’t now earn enough) was always the golden child. DH was always written off as not being as bright if able in comparison. And is still now on occasion.

Aibu to be pissed off MIL has started this line especially as DH feels he has to tell her she was a brilliant parent (when she wasn’t having written him off) because it’s a nice thing to go and this entire thing plays into his need for her to approve of him, that he isn’t part of her problem.

OP posts:
saturdayhelicopter · 12/04/2022 22:57

Why do they know in such detail how wealthy you are? This is a MIL problem but more of a boundaries problem.

Ponoka7 · 12/04/2022 23:01

He needs to shut this down every time she starts down that road. You can bet that she wouldn't tell golden child to share.

Saltyquiche · 12/04/2022 23:04

You and your DH can harp on about bil sil being fantastic people that’s far more important

BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 12/04/2022 23:06

It sounds like the only reason your husband "has money" is because he married you. So, hownis he her most successful child?

Good for you both for your good fortune, but you can hardly claim that he is more successful than his siblings because he has more money than them. He only has it because of you.

It sounds like none of them would have risen to high heights alone. And there isnt anytbing wrong with that. She isnt a bad parent because none of her children are rich (on their own).

Maybe just dont talk about money so much with them.

LampLighter414 · 12/04/2022 23:08

It sounds like a

But you sound very snobbish and arrogant too.

Just ignore it and continue to not give them anything. What are they going to do?

XelaM · 12/04/2022 23:09

Bragging about how rich you are shows a lack of class 😛

XelaM · 12/04/2022 23:09

Bragging about how rich you are shows a lack of class 😛

XelaM · 12/04/2022 23:10

Oops don't know why it posted twice

SalmonEile · 12/04/2022 23:15

@BeforeGodAndAllTheFish I would guess the inheritance gave her DH opportunities he never had after being written off by his mother and he was able to flourish/reach his potential
If that’s the case then yes it’s only because he married OP but also a sign he could’ve been as successful with the right support from his family In theory

JuneJuly · 12/04/2022 23:16

Could hardly read that OP, so badly written

BitOutOfPractice · 12/04/2022 23:18

You all sound absolutely horrible!

Original poster
BigGreenSofa · 12/04/2022 23:19

Yes we have been able to make decisions that take risk over being necessary to pay bills. It’s made life easier and meant he could do things he might just have otherwise done.

We don’t go on about being wealthier but when your child is at private school (sorry I know mumsnet loathes that) and we are able to have a larger house or better holidays it isn’t easy to hide.

OP posts:
MiddleParking · 12/04/2022 23:22

Did you spend all your inheritance on wine just before you posted this?

Original poster
BigGreenSofa · 12/04/2022 23:26

No, and I see how this could be seen as horrible. I guess I do resent the idea that anyone can lay the idea that they were useless as a parent when the only expectation back is assurance they weren’t. It’s not the start of a proper adult conversation.

OP posts:
ZebraScarf · 12/04/2022 23:27

This al brings to mind the "Considerably richer than you" sketches from Harry Enfield back in the day. Confused

Success isn't necessarily measured by how much money you earn.

CheesyColeslaw · 12/04/2022 23:29

There's more important things than wealth as your posts clearly demonstrate.

Confusedmonkey · 12/04/2022 23:31

You maybe need to be a bit more considerate towards your in laws. I don't mean that you necessarily need to give them money, but maybe cut your mother in law some slack and count your lucky stars that you had a decent inheritance.

I hope I don't sound harsh, but from the tone of your posts it sounds like you might be about to make yourself miserable being cross with your mother in law. It just isn't worth it, I am sure she really loves all of her children, she is probably just more worried about the ones who are not as comfortable financially.

BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 12/04/2022 23:32

Its also not the start of a proper adult conversation to call your husband the only successful sibling when he isn't. He is only in his position because of your money.

What you've said is actually really nasty and dismissive of his siblings.

Your problem is with your MIL. Dont be nasty about his siblings.

DuggeeHugPlease · 12/04/2022 23:32

I get the gist but my goodness your posts are difficult to read and hardly make any sense.
Just refuse to discuss money and if asked outright to contribute to other family members finances then say no.

Ohyesiam · 12/04/2022 23:36

I’m not sure I understand

WhiteFire · 12/04/2022 23:40

I'm confused too, but you seem quite disapproving of the family and appear to only judge someone's worth on how much money they have..

WhiteFire · 12/04/2022 23:43

Oh and success is not measured in the size of your house and which school the children go to. Maybe her view of success in life is different to yours.

worriedatthistime · 12/04/2022 23:43

Money doesn't always equal success

707smile · 12/04/2022 23:44

@XelaM

Bragging about how rich you are shows a lack of class 😛
This ^.

I don't know your MiL's motives but maybe she genuinely thinks she was a poor mother or maybe she's just trying to get you to pay them money (which you're obviously not obliged to do and shouldn't to do).

Dancer47 · 12/04/2022 23:46

I don't understand your posts - perhaps English is not your first language.

Swipe left for the next trending thread