Panorama( Young families Struggling)

[dottydodah]

Did anyone see this last evening? A lady with 2 small DC and a husband working as a Research Scientist was struggling with bills .Another young Mum in tears as her energy bill was so high.A third lady (working as a Nurse) not able to run a car. How will they manage to keep going? Surely Govt could do more?

@OnlyTheBravest

Actually, I think we should be questioning why a person is parenting as a singleton and why the other parent is not contributing. I wondered why this had happened in her case as you can not assume that she had a partner previously, some women use IVF, others for various reasons choose not to inform the father. There is a negative impact for the children concerned. In this case the oldest child was pretending not to be hungry, you could see it on her face. If the CMS service is not hunting down those responsible that is something should be dealt with immediately, considering the cost of living is increasing. Maintenance can be collected directly from salaries protecting those from violent partners and non payers. It should not be OK that someone can start a family and then walk away with little responsibility. A few posts suggested that she should increase her hours but with high childcare costs, this may not be viable. However, if she was getting the correct maintenance that could go some way to improve the living standards for the children. Maybe if more absent parents contributed to their children upkeep then additional funds could be redirected to those who have lost partners through bereavement or domestic violence. We need to change the mindset that is all on one person.

The more I think about it the more this programme irritates me. Far too many details were assumed. Playing on emotions instead of facts will not solve anything.

I think the general idea is-single parenthood for whatever reason puts the parent under significant financial pressure plus all the other factors involved in parenting are not shared. The others were all in jobs that I would deem as lifestyle choices.

@OnlyTheBravest

Actually, I think we should be questioning why a person is parenting as a singleton and why the other parent is not contributing. I wondered why this had happened in her case as you can not assume that she had a partner previously, some women use IVF, others for various reasons choose not to inform the father. There is a negative impact for the children concerned. In this case the oldest child was pretending not to be hungry, you could see it on her face. If the CMS service is not hunting down those responsible that is something should be dealt with immediately, considering the cost of living is increasing. Maintenance can be collected directly from salaries protecting those from violent partners and non payers. It should not be OK that someone can start a family and then walk away with little responsibility. A few posts suggested that she should increase her hours but with high childcare costs, this may not be viable. However, if she was getting the correct maintenance that could go some way to improve the living standards for the children. Maybe if more absent parents contributed to their children upkeep then additional funds could be redirected to those who have lost partners through bereavement or domestic violence. We need to change the mindset that is all on one person.

The more I think about it the more this programme irritates me. Far too many details were assumed. Playing on emotions instead of facts will not solve anything.

Honestly I haven't even read the end of your long post. There are many single mothers in todays generation. CMS payments don't cover the cost of raising 1 DC never mind 3 so good luck with that one right there!!

There's no law in UK forcing a parent to do their parental responsibility even the court process is shabby I've done it...

I think we should be questioning why a person is parenting as a singleton and why the other parent is not contributing. I wondered why this had happened in her case as you can not assume that she had a partner previously, some women use IVF, others for various reasons choose not to inform the father

So.....deserving and undeserving single parents? Why do you think you should be allowed the finer details of someone's life? The only reason anyone thinks they have a right to that is so they can judge - worthy/unworthy. It's not your business.

Maintenance can be collected directly from salaries protecting those from violent partners and non payers

How does collecting at source protect an ex partner from abuse? You really think it makes a difference to someone determined to make the ex sorry for ever thinking their children might have an entitlement to maintenance from their other parent?

The non-payers of maintenance are not those that work on a PAYE basis. They are the self employed, people who work cash in hand, serial job hoppers, agency workers, or shirkers. There are no laws whatsoever to manage that. That's always been the case. There's no political will to ensure that children are supported by both their parents. As a soceity we again and again and again choose to believe that women are responsible for all things children and that they should just suck it up if they had a child with someone who chooses not to pay. There is no come back for the non-paying father: he is never shunned by his family, friends, colleagues or society as a whole.

@howtomoveforwards

I think we should be questioning why a person is parenting as a singleton and why the other parent is not contributing. I wondered why this had happened in her case as you can not assume that she had a partner previously, some women use IVF, others for various reasons choose not to inform the father

So.....deserving and undeserving single parents? Why do you think you should be allowed the finer details of someone's life? The only reason anyone thinks they have a right to that is so they can judge - worthy/unworthy. It's not your business.

Maintenance can be collected directly from salaries protecting those from violent partners and non payers

How does collecting at source protect an ex partner from abuse? You really think it makes a difference to someone determined to make the ex sorry for ever thinking their children might have an entitlement to maintenance from their other parent?

The non-payers of maintenance are not those that work on a PAYE basis. They are the self employed, people who work cash in hand, serial job hoppers, agency workers, or shirkers. There are no laws whatsoever to manage that. That's always been the case. There's no political will to ensure that children are supported by both their parents. As a soceity we again and again and again choose to believe that women are responsible for all things children and that they should just suck it up if they had a child with someone who chooses not to pay. There is no come back for the non-paying father: he is never shunned by his family, friends, colleagues or society as a whole.

Well they are shunned, so you're incorrect in your rant. We don't know why this particular woman is a single parent.

Society really does need to start encouraging parents to work together. Single parenting is a key indicator of poverty.

I am not shaming single parents. I think there should be more outrage that people are being left single parents and more should be done to make the absent parent accountable.

Well they are shunned, so you're incorrect in your rant.We don't know why this particular woman is a single parent

I’ve been a single parent for 13 years. My ex and the OW - and copious women after her - fitted right into our friendship group. It was me who was shunned. He has never had an issue, despite not paying maintenance for all that time. No end of women happy to be with him - he is very vocal about ‘not giving the money-grabbing bitch a penny’. So, no, I’m not wrong.

We don’t need to know why anyone is a single parent. It is sod all to do with anyone. Ever.

Society really does need to start encouraging parents to work together. Single parenting is a key indicator of poverty

No. Society needs to accept that people who have been lied to, abused, cheated on, ignored, gas lit etc etc etc should not have to somehow work together with their abuser. This isn’t in anyone’s best interests.

So course single parenting is a key indicator of poverty. It isn’t bloody rocket science why that should be so. You don’t solve poverty by making women face their abusers on a regular basis. You will solve poverty experienced by one wage households if you change society’s view of how acceptable abandoning a child is; if you have a robust legal challenge to those who fail to financially support their children; if you ensure that childcare is affordable and accessible 24/7 so single parent’s can work full time.

Single parents are not the problem here. Stop blaming us.

Including when the other parent is dead and died young not leaving anything for their young off-spring who could be a baby?

Or when the other parent is seriously ill and is in a long term hospital/facility?

Or when the other parent is in prison?

These may sound ridiculous to you but these events aren't actually that rare.

@RedWingBoots Read through my previous posts. I was talking about absent parents and making them far more financially responsible for their children. Obviously, not bereaved parents. Stop being ridiculous and derailing the conversation.

A parent who is long-term in a hospital/facility or in prison is absent.

There are serious issues around both for the children involved including finances. Or don't those children count because you have never come across families in those situations?

When you talk about single parent families and measures to help them you have to include those in situations that aren't straight forward, otherwise as a PP pointed out you are creating deserving and undeserving single parents.

I bloody hate this thread. If this is how it’s going to be as money gets tighter, MN will become intolerable. Blaming single parents for their poverty. Describing a career as a research scientist as a lifestyle choice. Criticising a nurse with three kids for not working more than 30 hours a week. Sanctimonious, smug, self righteous twaddle.

To make it clear for you as you seem hellbent on painting me as an uncaring individual. I am using absent parent in the same way as the Child maintenance service would. Not dead, not incarcerated, not long term sick or disabled.

A person who started a family and walked away. An absent parent.

@Blossomtoes When my DH and I first graduated from uni and DH began his masters degree program, we wanted to be together and the UK had a spouse visa threshold income requirement of £18600. Thankfully, DH's masters degree was in Europe so we were able to marry in Europe and move back to the UK using EU free movement law, plus he had a job in Europe while doing his degree.

I remember confiding in my SIL (DH's sister) at how unfair the requirement was, i don't think any other country has a fixed income requirement (generally you just have to show that you can support yourself etc). She said offhand- that is not a lot of money. At that time, she was also a student and had never had a job herself. And if you look at the comments on any forum, people would also say similar unsympathetic stuff. Fast forward 6.5 years, DH's salary alone is 50k, rising to £65k. We own our flat in London. But the same isn't true for a lot of people we know, a lot of people we know have gotten poorer, salaries haven't gone up, many would be struggling. A lot of people our age are renting and their rent is so high that they are forced to rent, rather than it being a lifestyle choice, they have no spare money etc.

What i am trying to say, is that what goes around and comes around. From what I have observed, people who are smug and dismissive about other people's finances are often not financially secure themselves. All it takes is for some bills to rise and they will be in a sticky situation themselves. Or they will get poorer over the years due to inflation. maybe thats why they are mean, because they are so terrified they will end up in a bad situation themselves.

I've been following the Welsh lady on FB and since the documentary she's been doing much better and has had a lot more footfall and online orders which is great!

I wonder if family friends or work colleagues have helped out the families since the documentary? Not that they will be wanting that but they may not have known how much they were struggling.