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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To miss the young child years

77 replies

Scottishmum1984 · 11/04/2022 23:07

Sitting here in tears after a day with a very moody teen and my other DC heading in same direction. I know there are far more important things like being safe and healthy of course but does anyone miss the younger version of their kids? My oldest was such a mummy’s boy and hung on my every word / plus literally clung on to me, the excitement of everything from first cuddle in the morning to a new discovery on a walk to the duck pond. It’s probably pmt talking but would love to go back for a day!

OP posts:
KatieKat88 · 12/04/2022 08:22

If it helps, just know that we're on day 3 of potty training. If you do get to go back for a day choose which day wisely Grin

elliejjtiny · 12/04/2022 10:01

@KatieKat88 whenever I get a pang of broodiness I think of potty training and chicken pox and the broodiness soon stops!

Neverreturntoathread · 12/04/2022 10:03

Yanbu. I adored the toddler years.

GroggyLegs · 12/04/2022 10:05

@elliejjtiny Flowers

I'm sorry you have to live with that fear. I can't imagine.

Vsirbdo · 12/04/2022 10:06

I have both a teen and young children; there are ups and downs to both and as much as I love my young ones I do look forward to when they get older too

GroggyLegs · 12/04/2022 10:11

Yeah YANBU.
I always say I'm so happy my boys are growing & developing as they should, but I'd love the toddler versions to come and visit for a day.

Each stage has its ups & downs. I think I feel sad that I didn't get to really to enjoy them when they were tiny though, because I was just so very, very tired.
I can remember thinking 'remember this adorable moment' - but who knows what it was, they all got swallowed up with everyday life.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 12/04/2022 10:11

elliejjtiny
I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you both have the support that you need Flowers

ludocris · 12/04/2022 10:21

I have a four year old and am already nostalgic. He drives me crazy at times but I dread the time he doesn't want constant cuddles. This is one of the reasons I've struggled so much trying to decide whether to have a second (DH doesn't so it's kind of a moot point), but ultimately I know that the second would grow up too, and a third etc etc! I just console myself with the fact that I'm incredibly lucky to have him and he will always be him, just a slightly different version! So I'll just focus on doing all I can to keep him happy and safe.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 12/04/2022 10:23

No yanbu OP but my dd is 10 now and we have such lovely times together - took her to a posh restaurant last week and knew l didn't have to take colouring in or wirry about toilet accidents etc or anything and we had a lovely evening chatting and enjoying nice food.
Ask me again when she is a teeenager though!

MrBoldwood · 12/04/2022 10:44

My youngest is nearly 12 and he’s now pulling away - I find it hard.

Flittingaboutagain · 12/04/2022 11:17

I was talking about this with my elderly relative who raised four children, five grandchildren and now 11 great grandchildren. She said every stage of motherhood brings challenges and rewards. She looks back fondly on the baby years, the child years but says she also had so much fun in her 50s and 60s when her children were 20-40 and they all travelled together, had lots of fun and adventures and it was care free in a different way. She says worrying about adult children going through divorce or serious illness or watching them distraught about their own children in trouble was so much worse than the sleep deprivation caused by teething because of the heartbreak involved. She's certainly making me cherish the time with my own little person.

pandarific · 12/04/2022 11:21

You have forgotten the tantrums.

Try love bombing - just time with you and them. They still want your approval and love, they’re just struggling with that impulse and the demands of becoming an adult.

TulipsGarden · 12/04/2022 11:24

While I appreciate I will miss it when it's gone, you are very welcome to my bored three year old right now. I have Covid and feel like shit, he's bouncing off the walls but still positive so can't go back to nursery.

I just want to lie down in silence.

Mischance · 12/04/2022 11:25

There is joy - and challenge - in every stage - remember tantrums, and nappies, and sick everywhere....? I really loved seeing my teens grow up and turn into the wonderful adults they now are. And before you know it, they have children of their own and you are involved in early childhood years once more!

TulipsGarden · 12/04/2022 11:26

Oh and we're on week 5 of potty training and wees are still unreliable at best, if that helps. I really can't imagine I'm going to miss this week, at least 😂

IsabelaYourBoyfriendsHere · 12/04/2022 11:43

Awh feeling emotional reading this - my three little girls are 4 (nearly 5), 2 and 6 months. I often try to remember to soak in every second of their lovely littleness.

CrowAndArrow · 12/04/2022 12:32

Mine are all 18+

Life is soooo good.

Kite22 · 12/04/2022 17:15

I love the offers from those with little people to lend them out Grin

There were many days I'd have paid someone to take mine off my hands for a day.
I do think people sometimes look back with rose tinted glasses on. Our minds are programmed to block out the bad times. Even if you think about looking back over photos - you only take photos when you are doing something fun together, not when they are in the middle of a tantrum or waking you at 4am, or being sick all over their sheets, etc etc.

3totheright4totheleft · 12/04/2022 21:25

I always THINK that I preferred the younger years as I really loved all that playmobil/lego/play-doh/playing with dolls. Now I'm constantly trying to drown out her shrieky YouTube videos. But in reality the awfulness and anxiety of pre-school to Year 3 or 4 (ASD) is not something I ever want to go back to.

TinaYouFatLard · 12/04/2022 21:29

I have 13 year old B/G twins and believe me OP, I hear you.

Toddler tantrums are nothing compared to the moods, emotional ups and downs and challenges to raising teens in the modern world.

Greensleeves · 12/04/2022 21:36

I do think there's a stage of maternal grief that isn't talked about. Perhaps it's in poor taste to talk about it, since we're fortunate enough to have had and brought up children to adulthood. But I do miss being the centre of their world, having little hands to hold and cuddles all the time, all the wonder and joy and frustration and total immersion in being 'Mummy'. My eldest is at uni and youngest is 17 and at college/working. I barely see them. They're amazing people and we get on really well, I wouldn't change them and am proud of how they have grown up...but there's definitely sadness as well, for what has gone and will never come back. I sometimes wonder whether it's just me, since it's almost never mentioned, even on MN.

Original poster
Scottishmum1984 · 13/04/2022 08:15

@Greensleeves yes thank you, you worded it well, it is a form of maternal grief. And it’s weird as even people writing ‘potty training’ ‘lack of sleep’ I remember well how hard it was, but honestly, your child not wanting to spend their time with you, not wanting a cuddle, only wanting to be with friends, not caring about your opinion etc, it’s actually harder than cleaning up pee (for me anyway haha!)

OP posts:
moita · 13/04/2022 09:04

It's definitely a type of grief.

I'm enjoying my little girl more now she's 4 as her baby and toddlers years were awful (lots of health problems and she never slept).

But the baby and toddler years with my DS were the best time of my life. He was so easy, I loved every minute of maternity leave

whatcangowrong · 13/04/2022 11:25

After dealing with an epic toddler tantrum this morning which was partly induced I think by my failure to give undivided attention, this is a good reminder to treasure these days. Thank you!

JanisMoplin · 13/04/2022 11:29

I hear you. I myself would be ok with them growing up but DD is depressed. I can't make her happy any more like when she was little- only she can do that- and that makes me very sad. I long for the days when an icecream would solve everything.