Page 5 | To ask how many people don’t remember much of their life, specifically childhood?

MrOllivander · 11/04/2022 00:50

Virtually nothing before I was about 10. I don't have many memories of my first couple of school years either

Superhanz · 11/04/2022 04:12

I think there appears to be a link to trauma and memory.

I'm like your DH, I was lucky to have a really happy childhood, I remember small details like what I was wearing etc, my best friend in pre school, being in the pram aged 2/3.

My DH didn't have a wholly unhappy childhood but there was definitely trauma. He has zero memory of primary school and limited memories of secondary school. I feel sad for him that he can't remember much.

My best friend is similar to DH she had a very difficult upbringing and her only memories of school are the ones that we've talked about occasionally over the years so they've stuck with her or I've recreated the memories for her IYKWIM.

This led me to Google a few years ago as I was baffled how a person's memory could be so poor in contrast to my own and it linked trauma and memory.

I don't think your childhood has to have been all miserable for you to have poor memory but maybe even one or two upsetting memories can trigger something in the brain.

autienotnaughty · 11/04/2022 04:50

I have a handful of random memories, the first being at 4 but fir the most part no I no don't remember much. I think we also get memories confused with stories being retold some of your oh memories may stem from family folklore or photographs

CortisolandCaffeine · 11/04/2022 06:39

No worries @SDAMisapain. Glad someone else has heard of SDAM too. From this thread it’s clearly very common!

I hope we can spread the word as I worry about people with very happy childhoods being told they were traumatic because they don’t remember them!

I didn’t know there was a Facebook group - will check it out.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 11/04/2022 06:43

I have very limited memories from before around 15. Almost none of primary school and few of secondary. I can look at lists of names of people in my classes and no bells ring. I would not recognize any of them in the street, even as an early adult, although my mother and sister would say 'I met so and so and she said hello ' and no clue who they meant. I was abused from 7 or so, so must have blocked it all.

I have very visceral memories of several shameful things as a young child, things I got in trouble for (wetting the bed, lying etc.) but very few of any of the many good things. My siblings would say it was a happy childhood,for the most part. I wish I remembered that instead.

RedHelenB · 11/04/2022 07:04

I'm the same, remember only a few things from childhood and no specific dates. My dd remembers things like how she ate crusts because she wanted her hair to curl.

fantasmasgoria1 · 11/04/2022 07:12

I don't remember much of my childhood. Perhaps odd occasions, snapshots of things etc. My cpn says she thinks things have repressed memories of things that have happened that I cannot remember. She might be right I guess. My major trauma happened with my very abusive ex husband who abused me in every category of abuse there is. I have blotted some of that out but not enough!

12yearsinazkaban · 11/04/2022 07:21

me and my sister have great memories of our childhood BUT we talk about at least one thing from being a kid daily to eachother and go through family photos very often. At least once a year sometimes more.
So we are always giving eachother our memories so we have 2x the amount as we should have really. it is like I'll say look at that leaf and she'll say 'remember when we were kids we did this related to leaves' and ill be like 'yeah! omg I forgot that what about this with the tree' and shell be like ' omg i forgot that' and so on so forth.

However My dh and her dp are only children/ have no family to chat to about this stuff and both of their memories of childhood are crap. so I have a hypothesis of 'you use it or you lose it'.

Original poster

Randomname85 · 11/04/2022 07:24

Lots of really interesting replies here! I’m so sorry to those of you who have experienced trauma 🌸 my parents did argue but mostly tried to shield me from it and my happiness comes from a lot of time spent with my maternal grandparents (as a op mentioned when I think back I just remember ‘happy’ and jumbled memories but not specific things).

My DH definitely hasn’t imagined memories etc, I can’t tell you how specific they are and there are untold occasions we’ll be sitting with the in laws and he’ll say remember when we were on ‘holiday in X and we went into that shop and bought that X toy, I wouldn’t stop playing with it all holiday’ (or similar) and they are always floored that he can remember and they confirm it’s true. Probably not the best example but I’m struggling to think of a better one (probably due to terrible memory 😂)

I looked up SDAD and I don’t think I have that, I do remember big occasions like my wedding etc.

OP posts:

12yearsinazkaban · 11/04/2022 07:24

@12yearsinazkaban

me and my sister have great memories of our childhood BUT we talk about at least one thing from being a kid daily to eachother and go through family photos very often. At least once a year sometimes more. So we are always giving eachother our memories so we have 2x the amount as we should have really. it is like I'll say look at that leaf and she'll say 'remember when we were kids we did this related to leaves' and ill be like 'yeah! omg I forgot that what about this with the tree' and shell be like ' omg i forgot that' and so on so forth.

However My dh and her dp are only children/ have no family to chat to about this stuff and both of their memories of childhood are crap. so I have a hypothesis of 'you use it or you lose it'.

just to add, my parents fought. strangled on the floor, police being called, taken to live with grandparents for a time. so there is trauma (but I don't feel like it, still feels meh and my relationship with my parents is still good) but I have a great memory. so I wouldn't put it down to that.

although!!! I will say I remember the police coming and talking to us objectively. it is an event that happened. But I can't remember it at all so I think n I blocked that part out. My sister remembers it all with perfect clarity. down to conversing with the police officer about their uniform

JustDanceAddict · 11/04/2022 07:31

I have a very good memory of my childhood & teens, esp the latter. Maybe not to the extent of your dh, but my friends are always amazed at what I can remember.

Ki0612 · 11/04/2022 07:37

I only recently realised my childhood memories were so poor compared to other people's. In work(primary teacher) we were talking about the level of effort you put into making good experiences for your class that they won't remember or remember you. Only one other person was like me can't remember any teachers from primary school. Very hazy or no childhood memories and other people remembered all their teachers lots about their childhood.

LadyAnglerfish · 11/04/2022 07:47

I don’t remember much of my childhood to the extent that people say you must remember this song or that programme and I draw a blank.

I remember my teenage years in detail.

Bywayofanupdate · 11/04/2022 07:51

I don't remember much at all but I was massively bullied and think I blocked much of it out of my mind.

birdling · 11/04/2022 07:59

Most of my past life is a blank. I had a perfectly happy childhood, I just can't remember most of it. I don't remember films either, much to my husband's amusement.
I read a lot as a child, it's interesting that someone else mentioned that too.

PurpleHollyhocks · 11/04/2022 08:04

Some people just have better memories but in my case it wasn’t a very happy time so I don’t particularly want to remember it

DogsAndGin · 11/04/2022 08:08

I can barely remember a thing. I’ll chat to old friends and they’ll say ‘remember X at school? Wasn’t Mr Y nice who taught history?’ I literally have no idea who they’re talking about. I can remember a handful of people. I went through my yearbook and had no idea who 99% of them were then again, I absolutely hated secondary school, and all the people there!

Allthebubbles · 11/04/2022 09:13

I think it's pretty personal, my sister and I had similar experiences and she remembers so much more than me. I'll remember something vaguely and she'll know every detail.
I was a real book worm as a child maybe she just paid more attention!

OneTC · 11/04/2022 09:17

I don't really remember anything much from young childhood

I moved to the UK when I was 10 and wondered if not having those memories reinforced by growing up where the memories were formed was the cause

My memories after moving here are more reliable

itsnotmeitsnotmyfamily · 11/04/2022 09:25

I remember in great detail back to 18 months - can vividly remember sitting on my neighbours garden table in a carrier seat drinking apple juice from a bottle .

Remember my parents marriage and break up (domestic violence) and surrounding events in horrendous level of detail and frequently wish I didn’t .

The only thing I have successfully blocked and kept blocked is suspected sexual abuse . GP said she’s 95% convinced something happened as were others but I don’t remember a thing .

Can remember playgroup, nursery, primary one… Some it’s more vague than others but mostly very clear .

Original poster

Randomname85 · 11/04/2022 09:31

Just to add what triggered this post is a very popular family group on Facebook (you will all know the one if you’re in it!) - someone posted yesterday about remembering their childhood lunchboxes and I was completely blank. It was only when I scrolled the post and saw one that I suddenly remembered I had the same one and suddenly the memory came to the forefront - what would have been in the lunchbox, the smell of the lunch hall etc. Amazing how the mind works!

OP posts:

Sswhinesthebest · 11/04/2022 09:32

Yes I have lots of short snapshots but not much detail.

I remember being with friends who had never met before. They had a conversation discussing me and what I’d told them both over the years. Between them they were remembering my life in so much greater detail than I could remember! It was unnerving.

Also might recall teachers/events etc that friends remember but my memory will be vague but they can recall exact things.

LadyAnglerfish · 11/04/2022 09:49

I’ve been reading through again and the bookworm thing makes sense.
I was a bookish child but can’t remember anything. My teenage years were traumatic and I remember lots of things. Im sure it’s because I wasn’t allowed to read as much and was therefore forced to pay attention to the shitty reality around me. Huh.

TopSecret99 · 11/04/2022 10:04

@Randomname85

It’s only really dawned on me since I met my husband who remembers EVERYTHING in great detail, remembers the day he met his baby sister and asked her to play for example (he was only just 2). He remembers all the toys he had, where he always went on holiday, specific things that were said, the first film he ever watched etc etc. Even to the slightest detail ‘I first heard this song when I was getting my hair cut in the high street and it made me want to learn guitar’ - you get the picture. He’s always asking me things like ‘what were you doing New Year’s Eve 20 years ago’ and I’m like 🤷‍♀️ yet he can remember.

I can’t remember much at all 🤔 and it makes me really sad. When im asked my earliest memory I really couldn’t tell you. Of course I remember some things but not sure how old I was/when it was etc, I get strong memories when I see photos and it’s like a light switch goes on so it’s like I only have visual memory. My parents fought a lot and jt wasn’t the most pleasant experience but I don’t remember being SO unhappy that I would have blocked everything out! Plus it doesn’t explain my lack of memory the last 10+ years.

Anyone else or just me?

Op it's highly unlikely your husband remembers at only just 2 as the earliest you can have memories from is 3. It's more like he's been told that as a child by his parents and that's what he's "remembering"