Would you have replied, or not?

[aibuainbu]

Friendship with a close friend broke down without any reason reason.

I text my friend saying I was mourning the relationship and said I didn't completely understand why the breakdown had happened, and asked for her opinion on it.

She said she was busy but would reply later. 24 hours passed. I text asking if I should expect a reply, or if she'd decided not to. She said she was busy and would reply when she had the time to articulate properly.

It's been 3 days.

Do you think she should have replied by now? Or indeed just said she wasn't going to reply?

I find this waiting game weird.

I'd find it really awkward if someone asked my why their friendship with someone else had broken down. I don't really see what she can say. I'd probably avoid answering that question too, it seems very intense.

Depends if I felt the same way. I probably would have ignored completely though rather than saying I would reply then not.

I'd let it go OP. Friendships end; it's shit but it happens x

What happened that made you think the relationship had broken down?

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat

I'd find it really awkward if someone asked my why their friendship with someone else had broken down. I don't really see what she can say. I'd probably avoid answering that question too, it seems very intense.

You've misunderstood

@Pumperthepumper

What happened that made you think the relationship had broken down?

She stopped making contact almost overnight. I have an inkling it was because I moved county but honestly I thought our relationship was much stronger than that

So are you saying it was the friend who your relationship has broken down with that you were messaging?

That's even worse!

I think the first one was enough. The second one was demanding. To text again would be the nail in your coffin.

Give her a minute.

I would just drop it now. If she wanted to still be friends she'd have made some effort by now to let you know. Sadly it doesn't see like it was the friendship you thought it was. Don't waste your time waiting for an explanation, write it off and move on.

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat

So are you saying it was the friend who your relationship has broken down with that you were messaging?

That's even worse!

Is it?

I text her saying this:

For months I've been mourning the loss of our friendship. We never had a row or anything like that so the reasoning behind it hasn't ever been clear in my mind.
I have no idea how you feel about, if you even miss me or if you're angry with me.
Would be nice to hear what you think

She was free to ignore of course, but she said she would reply. Twice. And hasn't.

Why is it bad to have an adult discussion about a relationship breakdown? If I've done something wrong I would like the chance to apologise

I would just leave it.

Your OP doesn’t make it clear whether you’re texting the friend who’s distanced herself, or a third party who knows you both.

Either way, I’d leave it. I understand that it stings, though.

Leave it..

@NeedleNoodle3

I would just leave it.

I will.

I made this thread to just chat about it really.

I think if she’d wanted to salvage the friendship, she’d have prioritised the time to text you back. Not even a “I know I owe you a text, things are manic here but I haven’t forgotten” message means she’s not that bothered unfortunately.

@MarinoRoyale

I think if she’d wanted to salvage the friendship, she’d have prioritised the time to text you back. Not even a “I know I owe you a text, things are manic here but I haven’t forgotten” message means she’s not that bothered unfortunately.

I genuinely think she's properly angry at me for something.

I have an inkling as to what, but I would like to hear from her. (She's unreasonable if it is what I think it is by the way!)

Friendships just peter out, quite often. Especially if one person moves away, or gets a different job or has a child or something. Often friendships are born from proximity or convenience and they stop when those things don't apply any more.
I've got a friend who used to live in the next street, we were really close. She moved away and we message maybe once or twice a year, apart from the odd comment on social media. It's fine. I'm going to her wedding next month and will have a quick catch up and likely not see her again for a few more years.
No one is pissed off with anyone, it's just life.

Yeah it seems she was trying to cut you off but you didn't pick up on it.

It's shit she has done it this way but best to leave her to it.

I'd just leave it now tbh.

I think you need to back off. She evidently doesn't want to tell you and whatever she says isn't going to magic you back into friends so let it go.

Let it go. Don't obsess about it - easier said than done. Go out with another friend. Distract yourself. Move on.

I have an inkling as to what, but I would like to hear from her. (She's unreasonable if it is what I think it is by the way!)

Then you would have to ask her out straight. But she probably won't reply. And it wouldn't really change anything.

Honestly you need to give her the time she has asked for and back off.

You have been stewing over this for months and so you have reached the point of contacting her on your own terms and when you were ready to go looking for answers. However your friend was not aware of this so for her she has just had a message out of the blue asking her to discuss the breakdown of your friendship.

Firstly she did the right thing in not responding immediately as she wanted time to consider what she said and possibly even think about your friendship for the first time in months. You've had time to think about messaging her, allow her the same courtesy.

Secondly, if you're not in contact for months you can't expect an immediate reply, and I would consider 24hrs immediate under the circumstances. You have no idea what is going on in her life, she could be going through any number of things that are higher priority for her or it could literally just have been bad timing - if she was in the middle of Tesco doing the weekly shop then she isn't going to drop everything to text you back, and if she had weekend plans and didn't have time to sit and reflect on her feelings/your friendship then it's not fair to keep pressuring her her an answer she is not ready to give you yet.

She may well be irritated by your message and be taking time to calm down before she says something she'll regret.

@Notimeforaname

Yeah it seems she was trying to cut you off but you didn't pick up on it.

It's shit she has done it this way but best to leave her to it.

Which is fine, but why say I will reply when 'I have time to articulate'?

Sounds like she has something to say.

What do you think she is angry about?

If it is something petty and she was willing to cut the friendship so easily maybe it’s best to let it go.

I know it’s tough but she clearly doesn’t want to explain. I think you now bow out with dignity