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Original poster

Who pays if we all go out for the day for my kids birthday?

83 replies

Altah · 10/04/2022 17:23

Let's say we are all going out to something like a zoo or a safari park for the kids birthday.

Not really a party, but a fun activity on the day.

Should I be buying everyone's tickets?

OP posts:
Quincythequince · 10/04/2022 18:06

Then if you want to mark the day, and you want people to help you make the day a birthday celebration, you pay for it.

DockOTheBay · 10/04/2022 18:06

@SafelySoftly

Seems a bit grabby tbh. What’s wrong with a cup of tea and slice of cake at home or in the park?
Only grabby if you would be expecting someone else to pay for you. Other people paying for themselves doesn't make you grabby Hmm
LittleBrenda · 10/04/2022 18:08

Go to the park then if your priority is marking the day and not preventing people from seeing your child on his birthday. Find a park with a good playground and tables. Take a tablecloth and party food.

Zoos are generally an expensive day out and expecting about fifteen people to all pay to go to the zoo is expecting quite a lot.

Original poster
Altah · 10/04/2022 18:08

@Quincythequince

Then if you want to mark the day, and you want people to help you make the day a birthday celebration, you pay for it.
I don't want people to help mark the day, but I don't want to exclude people. Anyone who has asked what we're doing, I've let them know and said they're welcome.

I would be 100% happy if it was just our core family.

OP posts:
Quincythequince · 10/04/2022 18:08

So basically you’re saying ‘we’re going to the zoo on this day for DC birthday, not sure when we’re planning to arrive, but we’ll keep an eye out for you in case you decide you want to come and see him’

Is that essentially it?

Will you have a cake, or party bags, or any kind of structure to it at all?

Quincythequince · 10/04/2022 18:10

Jesus Christ Altah. You don’t wan them there to mark the day, but you don’t want to exclude them?

This all sounds a bit much for a kids birthdays

Just go with your partner and DC and be done with it.

Quincythequince · 10/04/2022 18:11

If it’s just your core family - does that mean you, DH and DC only?

Why don’t you just do that then?

Original poster
Altah · 10/04/2022 18:12

@Quincythequince

If it’s just your core family - does that mean you, DH and DC only?

Why don’t you just do that then?

That would feel mean to grandparents. And one friend of mine in particular who said "let me know what you are doing, I want to join".
OP posts:
Prinnny · 10/04/2022 18:12

Sounds like you’re massively overthinking. If anyone asks just say ‘we’re going to the zoo for DS’s birthday, come along if you want, we’ll be there from 10’. If you actively invite people then you should pay.

Quincythequince · 10/04/2022 18:15

That would feel mean to grandparents. And one friend of mine in particular who said "let me know what you are doing, I want to join"

But you don’t want them there to mark it, so don’t have them there.

You are massively overthinking this.

You can say, we’re doing a family zoo trip with DH and DC for a few hours, maybe you can pop by later or another time
If you want to.

You don’t have to invite people if you don’t want to. If you know they will come and have to buy food, present etc for DC (which they will) the right thing to do is pay.

A zoo trip is a whole day thing usually, not just a few hours.

Just pay if you can afford to.

Teddansononmyown · 10/04/2022 18:18

This is so easy
'DH/DP and I are taking DC to X. Feel free to pop over at Y as we'll be back by then'
If they say they'd like to join you:
'Sure. We're planning on being there around X. We'll meet you at the cafe inside at Y'

DockOTheBay · 10/04/2022 18:19

That would feel mean to grandparents
Just see them the next day?

Jazzyjeffery · 10/04/2022 18:21

In this scenario, they should pay for themselves.

IF you had invited say 2 of your DD friends to attend with you, IMO, you pay.

BeautifulDragon · 10/04/2022 18:23

I think you should just go to the zoo with your family and invite grandparents etc. for a slice of cake. Walking around the zoo with lots of different adults/ kids sounds stressful!

As a side we were 'invited' to a theme park to celebrate our niece's birthday one year, just BIL/SIL/DN and us/ our kids. We never expected them to pay for us or bring party bags & cake! We paid for ourselves, no drama.

Paying for your entire extended family/ friends to go to the zoo is crazy (unless you are loaded) and most people wouldn't expect to be paid for.

SpinningTheSeedsOfLove · 10/04/2022 18:25

You don't want them there so don't invite them.

Feel the power.

Original poster
Altah · 10/04/2022 18:29

@SpinningTheSeedsOfLove

You don't want them there so don't invite them.

Feel the power.

I am still very new to all this and finding it very stressful.
OP posts:
HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 10/04/2022 18:37

It sounds like it's a first birthday. In which case just go as your core family, lots of other adults and children will be overwhelming and the birthday child is likely to sleep alot of it or struggle with being out of routine and the extra attention.

For the friend, just say we are doing something as a family but why not pop over on (the next day) for tea and cake.

For grandparents invite them over afterwards and have a buffet tea or takeaway ready if you live close by. I'm always shattered after a day at the zoo so wouldn't want to be cooking or waiting on anyone.

WakeMeUpWhenTheyHaveGone · 10/04/2022 18:39

Inviting via a phone message is considered to be sending an invite.

It’s not a party per se, but you’re marking the occasion by inviting people outside of your household to the zoo, so it is a trip to celebrate a Birthday.

You should be paying for children’s friends and family children as you are inviting them out to mark a Birthday. As the children will need to be chaperoned by other adults, you should pay for them too. This will obviously be very expensive, so forget this plan unless you can afford it. You should also bring some drinks, snacks and cake for your guests as a minimum or pay loads more for this at the zoo cafe. Again, even more expensive.

I would only suggest a trip to the zoo and not expect to pay for others if the trip was a general trip (not to celebrate a Birthday).

It sounds like a smaller group just involving family would be a better idea. Pay for Grandparents if they can’t afford it. Provide drinks, snacks and cake at the zoo or at home before or after the trip to the zoo.

SavoyCabbage · 10/04/2022 18:42

I am still very new to all this and finding it very stressful.
I've had absolutely loads of birthdays and birthday parties and for me, the most important part of a child's birthday is them enjoying it and them knowing that it's their birthday and feeling celebrated. It's not about what anyone else wants or thinks.

Sometimes (often), especially when they are in primary school a birthday party is like being at work. It's not a pleasure for you as the parent of the birthday child. It doesn't sound like you are at that stage quite yet though.

I think traipsing round the zoo with a load of friends and family sounds like a difficult day. First there is the awkwardness of the cost of the tickets. Then there is the food issue.

Then Sophie wants to see the lions and roger wants to see the kangaroos and your dad wants to go to the butterfly house and Mike falls over and nobody had an Elastoplast so you all have to go to the help desk.

Nobody needs to see your child on the actual day. It's fine to say you are going to the zoo if that's what you want to do. Or just say 'oh, we are going out for the day'. You don't owe anyone face to face time with your child.

Dunnoburt · 10/04/2022 18:50

I would say that "this" is where you're going for xxx birthday and feel free to meet us there, unfortunately i cannot afford to pay for entry..... Just make it clear its an open invite and pay your own way....

HumourReplacementTherapy · 10/04/2022 18:57

This won't work
You'll end up knackered from a day out with half of them at the zoo then the rest will message you to 'just pop round with a present' and will descend on you at a variety of intervals once you get back.

JellyBunny · 10/04/2022 18:58

Maybe say you are not having a party but are spending the day at the zoo with DS. If anyone wants to join you are welcome to and admission prices are attached.

EinsteinaGogo · 10/04/2022 18:59

It's really easy to get overwhelmed and try and please everyone, OP.

If you have special relationship with grandparents, perhaps invite them along.

Otherwise, "we are taking DD to the zoo during the day, we'd love to see you at the house about 5pm for tea and cake" would be great.

SafelySoftly · 10/04/2022 19:07

I do think a trip to the zoo will be stressful for everyone! Especially if you’re suggesting everyone needs to give up a day to see you and pay. That’s why I think it’s a bit grabby. Probably fine with say one set of grandparents you see regularly. It just smacks however if we are going to the zoo and you are all going to have to do what MY DD wants because it’s HER birthday.

ThirdElephant · 10/04/2022 19:07

Yeah, I agree with PP- overthinking big-time. We went to the zoo for my eldest's first. We invited no one. We then said people were free to pop by on the Sunday if they wanted. Didn't do a party. Did offer a slice of cake.

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