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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about AIBU

75 replies

YouTubeRabbitHole · 10/04/2022 07:20

Relatively new to MN and some of the advice given is so well thought out and considered but conversely some are cruel and spiteful. Is it the anonymity of MN or is this the way you would speak to someone face to face? When I replied to a post yesterday saying to ignore the haters I was told by reply that they weren’t haters but “disagre-ers who let’s not forget were asked to contribute an opinion”
Yes I agree an opinion was asked but bloody hell some responses could really impact someone’s MH.
AIBU to suggest that some posters need to re-read their comments before adding them and question whether it’s the type of response they would like to be receiving?

OP posts:
HELLITHURT · 10/04/2022 07:23

Yeah, you've not been here long! Not sure why you think your opinion is going to change anything?

"Awaits cries of, see I told you do"!

HELLITHURT · 10/04/2022 07:23

*so

DropYourSword · 10/04/2022 07:23

I've been here on and off for years but I have noticed that since I've been back this time there's a much higher rate of people just being total cunts for no real reason. It's actually frustrating that a percentage of posters have made it feel like what was once a really funny and supportive place with some choice language has seemingly turned into a nest of utter bitches.

Mymindisnotmyown · 10/04/2022 07:23

YANBU - There are plenty of people on here who use anonymity to bully and be the bitch they can’t get away with being in face to face life.

Nitgel · 10/04/2022 07:25

Albu is the arse end of mn.

LCD39 · 10/04/2022 07:30

@DropYourSword I totally agree! Whenever I've posted things I get so many helpful, supportive comments! But some people just go a on thread to be provocative!

pinpluf · 10/04/2022 07:32

Yes some people are spiteful or incredibly blunt but remember some have nothing else to do with their time. Plenty of responses are helpful or funny.

mamawho99 · 10/04/2022 07:34

Totally agree.
It is so awful.

I have written some posts on AIBU under a different name and some of the responses were vile. I had to delete the them because it was making me feel awful about myself.

I think what gets me is that I have never, ever come across vile people like this in real life?!

No one is quite so ballsy when they're not hidden behind a computer screen are they? What a bunch of horrible cowards. I can't imagine being sat at home thinking "right, today I'm going to be horrible to someone online and ruin their day", when I'm the real world they wouldn't say boo to a goose! Pathetic

girlmom21 · 10/04/2022 07:37

Some people use it to be nasty.
Some people can't tolerate nonsense.
You'll learn which is which.

Original poster
YouTubeRabbitHole · 10/04/2022 07:39

@HELLITHURT but do you think IABU? I don’t imagine that my post will change much at all but if it makes a couple more people think before posting a message…..who knows?

OP posts:
DropYourSword · 10/04/2022 07:48

[quote YouTubeRabbitHole]@HELLITHURT but do you think IABU? I don’t imagine that my post will change much at all but if it makes a couple more people think before posting a message…..who knows?[/quote]
Unfortunately @HELLITHURT is correct that it won't make a blind bit of difference.

There's nicer ways to say it though!

GeneLovesJezebel · 10/04/2022 07:51

Some people seem to spend their lives trawling MN, trying to find posts where they can ‘prove’ to you that you are wrong and they are right.
Those are the times where you need to take some time away, and be glad that you’re not one of them.

AnwenDolly · 10/04/2022 12:01

There are undoubtedly contributors who use AIBU to vent their private frustration by being spiteful and cruel to strangers.

They then bitch that it's the fault of the poster/they asked for it/not been on MN long as if to absolve themselves of their vicious behaviour

It's a shame, but MN exists to provide for a broad spectrum of users, including the hate-filled. It's difficult, but I think it's worth considering that such people are suffering a great deal of personal pain that causes them to lash out at strangers and perhaps they are deserving of some sympathy and understanding

I ignore the nasty responses, because there are always plenty of reasoned and well-meaning responses for balance.

ClemDanFango · 10/04/2022 12:05

It’s AIBU. Responses are notoriously savage and people should really think about posting here if they’re sensitive to the type of responses AIBU tends to attract.

bluebellsandcustard · 10/04/2022 12:07

Spot on. This place is plain nasty sometimes.
I can't get my head around why people are not more kind.
Perhaps I'm overly sensitive but it's a horrible place sometimes, particularly as people are often coming for help or reassurance.

Mangogogogo · 10/04/2022 12:14

I hate it when I disagree with a post because everything I write sounds arsey! I end up sacking it off or profusely apologising that i don’t mean to be a bitch!

I’ve had to take many breaks from here when it’s just too much, or people refuse to listen. This sounds a bit silly but my career is something people on here often think they know the ins and outs of and it is very eye opening. I try to steer away from those because it makes me a bit upset to see people stating laws and giving advice that is completely untrue and in the past when I’ve commented I’ve been jumped upon and personally attacked.

Cocycola · 10/04/2022 13:04

I find it can vary. I have posted and had some lovely replies, but also some horrors. Those horrors are just bullies who hide behind a keyboard.

Disagreeing and being bluntly honest is fine, but there is no need for nastiness with it I know people will say the point of aibu is to ask if you are being unreasonable and that is going to potentially create debate, disagreements and blunt replies, but some people really do cross the line. There are ways of saying things.

latriciamcneal · 10/04/2022 13:07

You're right, online people will say things they never would in real life, myself included. In real life I'm always diplomatic and friendly, it's just what's natural.

sst1234 · 10/04/2022 13:11

Yes you are unreasonable. If you don’t like hearing an opinion, you’re the wrong place. It’s call AIBU for a reason. It’s now the default setting to call people names when they disagree with you - like bully, racist etc. ‘Be Kind’ huh?

DropYourSword · 10/04/2022 13:15

I've just checked which thread you were referring to and I have to agree with you OP, there was an extraordinary amount of really unnecessary and unpleasant posters on that thread! It was a really bitchy pile on.

Kite22 · 10/04/2022 13:16

I agree sst1234

I thought this was going to be about asking why so many threads disappear, just because there is a unanimous opinion that the OP IBU, and doesn't like it.

Only post in AIBU, if you are prepared to be told that yes, YABU.

Notwithstanding that, there are some poeple that can be nasty, but I have always found MNHQ very good at deleting them when you report those posts.

Have you reported posts that have been awful?

LegMeChicken · 10/04/2022 13:25

And my vote takes it to 50%!
I agree OP, and have to admit I've been guilty of it myself.
it's easy to take out your frustrations on anonymous people online, especially when they seem to be asking for it! I've checked myself since then however I understand the urge.

More people need to get a life, too much forums are bad

Original poster
YouTubeRabbitHole · 10/04/2022 13:25

@Kite22

I agree sst1234

I thought this was going to be about asking why so many threads disappear, just because there is a unanimous opinion that the OP IBU, and doesn't like it.

Only post in AIBU, if you are prepared to be told that yes, YABU.

Notwithstanding that, there are some poeple that can be nasty, but I have always found MNHQ very good at deleting them when you report those posts.

Have you reported posts that have been awful?

Yes @Kite22 I reported the post and one other previously as I thought some of the responses were totally out of order and this is the reply:

We do caution posters to avoid AIBU if they're posting anything personal/sensitive so unless we hear directly from the OP we'd be unlikely to remove the whole thread.

OP posts:
ImBurtMacklin · 10/04/2022 13:36

So people should be censored unless they are ‘nice’ and say what the poster wants to hear?

Georgeskitchen · 10/04/2022 13:55

Sadly this now happens across the board. I remember when Facebook came along and it seemed most friendly and amicable. Now its a vile cesspit of bullying keyboard warriors.
Don't even start on Twitter. That should be shut down. It's horrific.
I thought mumsnet would be all about female solidarity. How wrong could I be.
I don't know how some of these utterly vile harridans sleep at night after some of the poison they spew out

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