AIBU about AIBU

[YouTubeRabbitHole]

Relatively new to MN and some of the advice given is so well thought out and considered but conversely some are cruel and spiteful. Is it the anonymity of MN or is this the way you would speak to someone face to face? When I replied to a post yesterday saying to ignore the haters I was told by reply that they weren’t haters but “disagre-ers who let’s not forget were asked to contribute an opinion”
Yes I agree an opinion was asked but bloody hell some responses could really impact someone’s MH.
AIBU to suggest that some posters need to re-read their comments before adding them and question whether it’s the type of response they would like to be receiving?

it annoys me when anything that’s not blind agreement with the OP is dismissed as ‘rude’ or ‘unkind’

It annoys me when people make claims which aren't really true - it's not that the hundreds of similar comments aren't in blind agreement it's that they are point scoring, superior and snotty and an attempt to put the OP down. Not to just give the poster's opinion which, even if it disagreed, would be fine.

@SScoobiedoo

it annoys me when anything that’s not blind agreement with the OP is dismissed as ‘rude’ or ‘unkind’

It annoys me when people make claims which aren't really true - it's not that the hundreds of similar comments aren't in blind agreement it's that they are point scoring, superior and snotty and an attempt to put the OP down. Not to just give the poster's opinion which, even if it disagreed, would be fine.

It isn’t really true that disagreement is ‘fine’ either - well, certainly not for some people. The thread that inspired this went downhill precisely because the OP tore into anyone who disagreed with her.

I am probably a bit harsher than I would be in real life here, I rarely meet people quite as stupid as they are on here to be honest

@YouTubeRabbitHole

Relatively new to MN and some of the advice given is so well thought out and considered but conversely some are cruel and spiteful. Is it the anonymity of MN or is this the way you would speak to someone face to face? When I replied to a post yesterday saying to ignore the haters I was told by reply that they weren’t haters but “disagre-ers who let’s not forget were asked to contribute an opinion” Yes I agree an opinion was asked but bloody hell some responses could really impact someone’s MH. AIBU to suggest that some posters need to re-read their comments before adding them and question whether it’s the type of response they would like to be receiving?

It was similar on the threads of about the head of MI Section 6 and one about Boris, some posters were actually helping with the ops, question.

Then other posters, were either character assassinating, or swearing about how Boris was x, etc.
It was like they were in a conference, then the speaker asks the audience a question but instead of answering the speakers question, instead they just wanted to swear, curse etc

one could argue that some mumsnetters, seemed very unprofessional and exhibited impolite behaviour, and disrespectful to the op.

I think MNHQ are pretty good at the difference between personal attacks and opinions expressed robustly -

"You're a cunt" - personal attack, removed if reported
"That's a bit of a cunty idea" opinion.

@Hawkins001

one could argue that some mumsnetters, seemed very unprofessional and exhibited impolite behaviour, and disrespectful to the op.

I generally quite enjoy unprofessional and impolite behaviour.

It's all about context isn't it? This is AIBU not afternoon tea with the Queen.

Yes and then when called out people use the excuse of it being this particular board. 'Its AIBU what do you expect?' as if that excuses being a horrid person.

@daimbarsatemydogsbone

I understand your perspectives, but I would of thought, people could of have least answered the ops question, then offered their personal perspectives, rather than just they think x without any consideration for the ops question

@thisplaceisweird

I am probably a bit harsher than I would be in real life here, I rarely meet people quite as stupid as they are on here to be honest

@Hawkins001

one could argue that some mumsnetters, seemed very unprofessional and exhibited impolite behaviour, and disrespectful to the op.

As opposed to professional Mumsnetters? Can you officially respond to AIBU on a professional basis now? What’s the rate of pay like?

@WomanStanleyWoman

Professional = answering the ops question as best as possible.
Unprofessional = General swearing, not engaging with ops question,

A few years ago I posted about possibly not going ahead with my wedding. People went absolutely off on me.

I got married and I'm miserable as I knew I would be. Not their fault but makes me laugh now as a lot of posters seem hell-bent on telling every woman to leave their partners over the smallest of things.

[quote Hawkins001]@WomanStanleyWoman

Professional = answering the ops question as best as possible.
Unprofessional = General swearing, not engaging with ops question,[/quote]
Yep, confirmed, I prefer the second option on the (fucking) whole.

@AtALoss22

Yes and then when called out people use the excuse of it being this particular board. 'Its AIBU what do you expect?' as if that excuses being a horrid person.

How do you know the OP isn't a "horrid person"?

@daimbarsatemydogsbone

I understand your perspectives, by your response, why then comment on threads if you prefer not to engage with the ops question ?

@WomanStanleyWoman

This thread comes up every few weeks, and the OP always thinks she’s going to be the one who gives us a teachable moment where everyone becomes a bit more #bekind. It never, ever happens.

While I do agree there are posts that are just plain old bitchy, it annoys me when anything that’s not blind agreement with the OP is dismissed as ‘rude’ or ‘unkind’ - and when anyone disagreeing with the OP is lumped in with ‘the haters’. Then we get all this ‘I thought MN was about supporting each other and female solidarity’, which is designed to make people fee guilty for daring to disagree. I won’t support an unreasonable woman just because she’s a woman.

If, as I suspect, you’re talking about the ice cream thread, that OP only has herself t blame for getting a hard time. If you make a point of saying you’re happy to be told if you’re being unreasonable, but then fly off the handle at anyone who dares to do just that, you endear yourself to precisely no-one. The responses might not have been so blunt if the OP had shown any self-awareness whatsoever.

Agree completely.

Just curious really, the ice cream OP could, it seems switch off but I’ve seen some posts where despite accepting they were BU the insults and criticism flow. It appears from everyone’s comments that with AIBU you run the risk of the wrath of some MNers so post with caution. I never thought this post would change anything hugely but you never know there might be one person out there that decides against adding that barb to their comment (who am I kidding!?) Peace out ✌️

Yep I've had responses that genuinely kept me up at night. So nasty. And of course they wouldn't speak like that in real life.

The lower traffic boards are much more pleasant. I hate it when one of those threads makes it onto the active board because people come on and treat it like AIBU. There was one on Style and Beauty where a poster had asked for opinions on quite a whacky bag, and people started piling on about what an immature waste of space they thought she was. But AIBU itself is notorious for being the place that people think they can get away with being vile under the guise of "pulling no punches". I recommend a visit to some of the other boards.

On the other hand some OPs in AIBU are either breathtakingly stupid or completely goady. I have no qualms in telling them how it is.

You have a magic ability to report twatish responses

Does anyone have the link to the icecream one please ?

Just think about this for a minute - sayings like "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything" allow people like Jimmy Savile to prosper.......

Bit of a leap from AIBU to Jimmy Savile. Just saying.

@bringincrazyback

Just think about this for a minute - sayings like "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything" allow people like Jimmy Savile to prosper.......

Bit of a leap from AIBU to Jimmy Savile. Just saying.

It's a general point - obviously most people aren't at his end of the scale but these daft homilies like "if you can't say anything nice" are just that - daft and useless.

I don't go around being gratuitously nasty but if I find someone's view expressed on here unreasonable I will definitely say so - that's what this topic is for.