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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is f*cked up?

200 replies

DHsdilemma · 08/04/2022 18:23

NC as my other username is for me personally.

DH has gone LC (NC really) with his mum and sister. It came to a head as he has always said he was treated differently.

Tonight we were talking and the topic came up about one time he thinks this really exemplifies being treated differently but I’ve been left thinking wtf?!

So the story:

When DH was about 13 circa 2004, he went on holiday with his older sister (1 year older), his younger brother (2 years younger), his mum and two aunts. They rented a small 3 seater hatchback to travel around Spain and bordering countries.

When they got the car it obviously couldn’t fit everyone in, so the decision was made that DH would have to get in the boot. They removed the parcel shelf so he could see out the back window but it was very much a boot. The reason was his sister was a girl and his brother was the “baby” and got car sick.

They used this car to travel hours - they went to Gibraltar and Morocco (the port) as well as around Spain in general. Whenever they hit border security they told DH to duck.

I asked DH whether he maybe was a kid who thought the boot was exciting. But apparently he vividly remembers being very angry and upset about being put in the boot (especially when they put the parcel shelf back to conceal him from security). He remembers mostly that he was so upset and disorientated from the experience that the drum souvenir he bought he dropped as he was dizzy and he was distraught about it.

Now I think this is fucked up. Mainly from a safety perspective and know my parents would have just rented a bigger car in the same scenario. He has brought it up to his mum who dismissed it as a bit of a joke and family tale.

Is this normal / funny? Or is this just terrible parenting?

YABU: it is just something that needed to be done, no one was hurt and it’s fine
YANBU: what the fuck

OP posts:
Cocodreams · 08/04/2022 19:12

Absolutely NOT normal in 2004. Maybe the done thing in the 1970’s but not 2004.

How awful and humiliating to be put in the boot like a dog, not to mention the safety aspect.

dropoutdoreen · 08/04/2022 19:13

Totally shocking. Especially in 2004

(We did this sort of thing in the 80s rhough)

HollowedOut · 08/04/2022 19:14

My parents used to do this for one of us in the late 90’s in order to avoid paying the entrance fee for one child to a particular local attraction where you paid from the car. It wasn’t a routine thing though.

AmeliaEarhart · 08/04/2022 19:16

The seatbelt law didn’t include the back seat until 1991 (I spent most of the 80s - legally - in the boot of my mum’s Mini Metro because my brothers and I fought too much in the back seat) but squashing a 13 year old in the boot of a hatchback in 2004 does sound particularly crap. It’s worse too if the rest of the family remembers it as a funny story.

FrightorFlight · 08/04/2022 19:16

I've ridden in the boot of a car, in the footwell of a car and even in an empty horse box trailer!
But it does sound like your Dh was treated differently to the others.

minniep · 08/04/2022 19:18

I remember this sort of thing in the 80s but at that time our Ford escort didn't even have seat belts in the back. Definitely totally weird and wrong for 2004.

MardyOldGoth · 08/04/2022 19:19

Absolutely shocking tbh! Really negligent of both his safety and his emotional wellbeing. Also it was definitely not normal at that point in time.

ReadyToMoveIt · 08/04/2022 19:21

@DragonOverTheMoon

I don't think this is an issue as such with favouritism. It's a tale of its time and I can understand why his dsis or the younger brother with car sickness weren't put in the boot too.

I think that with other things that have happened this incident is made out to be a bit more than what it was.

Of it’s time? 2004?!
huuskymam · 08/04/2022 19:21

We took turns in the boot in the 70s, but certainly wouldn't have done it in 2004.

isthatanotherbastardgrey · 08/04/2022 19:25

How the hell did a 13 yo fit in the boot with 6 people's worth of holiday luggage?!? That's crazy in itself.

Lurkingandlearning · 08/04/2022 19:26

Where was the luggage?

Livelovebehappy · 08/04/2022 19:27

I remember when young that I used to sit in the back of my parents’ hatchback, along with my brother. Can’t really remember why tbh, and only thought about it when I read your thread.

Trulyweird1 · 08/04/2022 19:28

Good grief I feel for all who had this happen.

I grew up in the 60s. Tiny car, 3 kids, large dog. Dog was the only one tied in. 3 kids and dog shared the bench back seat.
But none of us went in the boot, or the footwell, ever.

We did stand on the transmission shaft between the seats, and sing however, so safety was not a priority.

Andacherryonthetop · 08/04/2022 19:28

Not normal in 2004. We drove to southern France in 2001 in a tiny Peugeot- me and my sisters squished in the back but we each had a seat. My parents would never have imagined one of us going in the boot! Also the boot was crammed with luggage- was he crammed in there along with the suitcases?!

Couchpotato3 · 08/04/2022 19:29

I don't think putting a kid in the boot of the car would have been considered normal in 2004. Even in the 70s, most people realised it was unsafe and wouldn't do it - I remember begging my parents to let me sit in the back of the estate car, and they wouldn't let me. This is just one example that he has given, but you can bet there were many others. Poor man, no wonder he wants to be LC - I think all you can do is be there for him and respect his wishes.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 08/04/2022 19:30

I used to go in the boot in the mid 90s but only for about 10 mins or so. Usually when we were dropping all the kids off after football practice

vdbfamily · 08/04/2022 19:30

I think this was of its time. I can remember being in the boot. I can remember rattling round the back of a van with no restraint. I can remember getting about 7 kids in back of my grandma's beetle. 2 or 3 toddlers in the storage bit behind the seat. Not long long journeys though and unfair it was always him. They should have taken turns.

vdbfamily · 08/04/2022 19:31

I am talking about the 70's though

ReadyToMoveIt · 08/04/2022 19:32

@vdbfamily

I am talking about the 70's though
This was 2004. It certainly wasn’t the done thing then.
QueenWatevraWaNabi · 08/04/2022 19:33

How the hell did a 13 yo fit in the boot with 6 people's worth of holiday luggage?!?

Indeed

chaosrabbitland · 08/04/2022 19:33

it does sound rather cruel to subject a child to this for anything other than a quick emergency journey that was only a matter of minutes , as hes said he always felt he was treated differently and now had cut contact theres a lot more that happened to make him come to this , it surely cant just be based just on this one rather horrendous experiance

AfterSchoolWorry · 08/04/2022 19:33

@thebear1

If it had been 1970 I would have said this was standard parenting but not in 2004!!
I know, me as a gen-xer chuckling at all the pearl clutching!!
PortalooSunset · 08/04/2022 19:33

In the 80s maybe, but 2004? Me and dsis used to argue about who got to go in the boot when we were transporting aunts/uncles/cousins etc Grin Not long journies though.
Is he absolutely certain it was for the whole of the trip, not just like a day out or something?

bloodywhitecat · 08/04/2022 19:34

My eldest was 14 in 2004 and it was absolutely not normal to expect a teenage to travel in the boot of a car for that amount of time but that said, a three seater hatchback for six people, where the hell did they put their luggage if he was in the boot?

Tlollj · 08/04/2022 19:36

I remember going on holiday sat on dining chairs in the back of a transit van.