In laws criticising house all the time

EthelTheAardvark · 08/04/2022 12:43

Reply "Well, just as well you're not living here, then". Maybe with a refrain of "Yes, you've said all that before, can we talk about something else?"

How often do they come round? Can you stop asking them? And tell them why if necessary.

FadedRed · 08/04/2022 12:48

I’ve put this up on similar threads, so you might already have it. Just print, frame and display conspicuously:

Pollyforever · 08/04/2022 12:50

My father in law does this! I just completely ignore him when he says anything negative other than if he points out a job that needs doing, then I say oh thanks so much for offering to fix it for us. He's stopped pointing out jobs now!

JemimaTiggywinkle · 08/04/2022 12:53

They must have very little to occupy their thoughts if they can muster so many opinions on your decor!
Excellent that you don’t care about their opinions… good preparation for the inevitable unsolicited opinions on your baby/ parenting style.

2bazookas · 08/04/2022 12:59

You could reciprocate when you visit theirs.
Or just stop inviting them to yours.

JudgeJ · 08/04/2022 13:01

@afunnyonejustforfun

Mumsnet, keep me entertained please, whilst I await my baby in a week or two.

This is funny and I have posted about it before.

We've recently moved to a new place and have had work done. Every time without fail my in laws come around, they criticise everything. It's constant.

They barely ever say anything nice. How can people be so unaware of themselves ? For example : the colours are too light or too dark, the light fittings don't go in the rooms where we've put them, the stairs are too steep or too long. The list goes on. It's basically a constant thing.

I just brush it off ' oh we quite like it like this '. ' oh you think ? I like it '.

How can people be so unaware that they constantly do it ? It really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, but it is just that bit annoying that they seem to disapprove of basically everything we do..

'There are two opinions that count and I'm afraid yours don't make the cut'

Foody8410 · 08/04/2022 13:01

They're probably jealous

ForeverLooking · 08/04/2022 13:03

Well we like it.
Or
That's a shame, we won't invite you again

Theunamedcat · 08/04/2022 13:04

My dad told me I was making a right bad job of digging a plant out I handed him the spade and said I will get the kettle on following week he said I needed to cut the grass I said you know where the mower is I will get the kettle on

He started to put the kettle on now

Tainging99 · 08/04/2022 13:04

Really rude! I wonder how they’d feel if you did the same in their house!?

ScaredOfDinosaurs · 08/04/2022 13:09

@Theunamedcat

My dad told me I was making a right bad job of digging a plant out I handed him the spade and said I will get the kettle on following week he said I needed to cut the grass I said you know where the mower is I will get the kettle on

He started to put the kettle on now

Absolute genius. Love your style!

WinniesHunny · 08/04/2022 13:09

"If you don't like it, you don't actually have to come, you know"

ThinWomansBrain · 08/04/2022 13:14

they don't like it - tell them they're not welcome to visit, leave now, don;t come back - problem solved.
You're only being considerate of their feelings, you'd hate them to feel uncomfortable

Holidaypls2022 · 08/04/2022 13:14

My MIL is exactly like this. When me and DH got our first house together we worked really hard decorating our bedroom, and proudly showed it off to them. MIL said 'it's not my cup of tea'...and that was it! Had I been a bit older/aware of her horrible ways I wld have said 'well good, you don't f#cking live here'. 20 years later we are NC.

Original poster

afunnyonejustforfun · 08/04/2022 13:14

The funny thing is, I know they're actually holding back 🤣

They must think everything we do is so rubbish and they try hard to keep it in, but they think so badly of everything we do, that occasionally it spills out when they come over.

It's so sad. Hope I'm never like that. I hate their house! But would never say.

OP posts:

custardbear · 08/04/2022 13:15

We must be related via in laws! I feel your pain!
Ours criticise our parenting as well as home, apparently it's dirty, (after the cleaners have been the day before!) too big, they can't possible ever stay the night ... turned up nose (mil) like we're urchins ... well, good! It's funny even our youngish kids see it and can't bear them!

stuntbubbles · 08/04/2022 13:22

“Hello, MIL – oh, gosh, shame about that haircut, much too blunt for you. Never mind, come on in – you’ll probably want to take off those ugly shoes, though. Cup of tea? I’ll get you the mug with the big handle, for your meaty fingers. So how are you, keeping well despite appearances?”

BigSandyBalls2015 · 08/04/2022 13:25

So rude.

I remember years ago my MIL coming round to see our newly decorated front room .... she clutched the door frame and started crying . So fecking dramatic.

NotMaryWhitehouse · 08/04/2022 13:27

@stuntbubbles

“Hello, MIL – oh, gosh, shame about that haircut, much too blunt for you. Never mind, come on in – you’ll probably want to take off those ugly shoes, though. Cup of tea? I’ll get you the mug with the big handle, for your meaty fingers. So how are you, keeping well despite appearances?”

picklemewalnuts · 08/04/2022 13:31

I think this comes from a failure to detach from their child. They genuinely struggle to believe their child, the offspring of their loins, their own flesh and blood.... has different opinions from them.

My mother is still trying to make me realise I love Andre Rieu and want to spend my life listening to her spout about herself.
She's truly shocked I don't like the clothes she tries to give me (she's much shorter, older, and at times wider), because she can't quite realise I AM NOT HER.

BeyondMyWits · 08/04/2022 13:33

Mum was like this, nothing was ever really nice or wonderful, always OK or Wouldn't have done it that way... we just accepted it and in the end my coping mechanism was ....

"So you keep saying..." followed by eyeroll to partner.

She's dead now, so her legacy has passed into family lore as "mum wouldn't have done it that way"...

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 08/04/2022 13:34

The stairs are too long OR too steep?!?!

They do realise that making them less steep will make them longer; or making them less long will make them steeper, don't they?

Unless they would prefer them to only go three quarters of the way to the top and then they have to do a long-jump the rest of the way?!

Anybody has a right to have their house as they prefer it.... and this isn't their house....

stuntbubbles · 08/04/2022 13:36

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll Not at all: OP can simply make them less steep, less long, and lower the upper level of the house commensurate with the new height of the stairs. It’s only sheer indolence that stops her!

IncompleteSenten · 08/04/2022 13:38

@afunnyonejustforfun

The funny thing is, I know they're actually holding back 🤣

They must think everything we do is so rubbish and they try hard to keep it in, but they think so badly of everything we do, that occasionally it spills out when they come over.

It's so sad. Hope I'm never like that. I hate their house! But would never say.

You should start!

I love the fact we are so close that we can share freely. There's a few things I'm not keen on in your house.

Then list them.

ChocolateCakeYum · 08/04/2022 13:39

Put a chair in the garden and tell them to sit out there if they are don’t like it in doors.

Alternatively go round her house and tell her you hate up her wallpaper, the carpet looks like it belongs in a skip and the rooms are too small and everything smells stale. Problem solved.