In laws criticising house all the time

[afunnyonejustforfun]

Mumsnet, keep me entertained please, whilst I await my baby in a week or two.

This is funny and I have posted about it before.

We've recently moved to a new place and have had work done. Every time without fail my in laws come around, they criticise everything. It's constant.

They barely ever say anything nice. How can people be so unaware of themselves ? For example : the colours are too light or too dark, the light fittings don't go in the rooms where we've put them, the stairs are too steep or too long. The list goes on. It's basically a constant thing.

I just brush it off ' oh we quite like it like this '. ' oh you think ? I like it '.

How can people be so unaware that they constantly do it ? It really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, but it is just that bit annoying that they seem to disapprove of basically everything we do..

@Foody8410

They're probably jealous

^^ Exactly what I thought. Just smile enigmatically, that’ll annoy them

You need to channel your inner Sybil Fawlty.

I think they're just so stuck in their ways and think they have great style, so if anyone does anything a bit differently- then they just can't understand it. They have massive egos.. cannot accept that we have different styles I think.

They keep telling us we've hung our light fittings in the wrong rooms. Like they really expect us to change it. Eventhough we decided to do it how we did and we like it that way too. They keep saying it's wrong and needs changing.

My Mum is like this but it’s over the cleanliness of the house. Definitely not a dirty home but never pristinely tidy because that isn’t realistic with 5 DC! Her house is like a show home, she just loves cleaning and cleans for hours every day. I keep things clean and mostly tidy but I’m not as arsed about it as she is. In the past she’s picked on my skirting boards, windows, mirrors, books being untidy on DC’s bookcase, she’s even opened my microwave and picked on that. I’m used to it now so just shrug it off and tell her to get a life.

I’d stop asking them round or if they turn up don’t let them in. If they ask why tell them the truth and say their actions are uncalled for and hurtful .arrange to meet them elsewhere.
Personally I’d go round to their house and rip it apart and slag them off.
I’m old and a bitch 👀

My mum does this ALL the time, generally about the cleanliness/tidiness of the house and always tries to do it in a “gasp BiscuitBean, how does this not drive you mad” followed by a chuckle to imply lightheartedness. Quickly followed by her starting to tidy/clean etc without asking, and offering to help whenever I need it as she remembers what it’s like working full time and being so busy.

She came round last week after I invited her for the first time in months and months…she did it again, of course. But this time followed it up with a comment about never being invited…I just said, oh so you didn’t take the hint then? She stopped after that. Her heart is in the right place, and I’d love her to visit more, but I just can’t. It’s so demoralising and judgemental!

@Chickychickydodah

I’d stop asking them round or if they turn up don’t let them in. If they ask why tell them the truth and say their actions are uncalled for and hurtful .arrange to meet them elsewhere. Personally I’d go round to their house and rip it apart and slag them off. I’m old and a bitch 👀

Love this 🤣 no they'd just turn it right back around on us and say that we are ridiculous for being so over sensitive. That old chest nut 🌰

I'm not going to give them the satisfaction of showing them that it bothers me. I'll just slag off their house instead. I'll start with the fact it smells like dog and feels dusty and old..

Actually - do you know what you do - swap the lampshade/light fitting (if at all possible) and see if they comment about it.
Depending on what happens do one of the following

• If they comment on the lampshades being moved and they don't like them (which is what they are currently doing anyway), say "We actually swapped them around as you suggested. As you can't seem to make up your minds about where you like things, we are going to swap them back now to what we like"
• If they don't, they swap it back and see if they comment the next time. Hopefully then if they comment on their next visit, you could have a bit of fun with it and say "No, they weren't moved. You must be imagining things. Are you feeling quite alright? You don't seem your normal chipper self of late? Are things getting you down? How is your memory on other things??"

Oh and also, I don't actually ask them round ever... they just kind of flock in to see my DD.

Answer with "we're a different generation so we're bound to have different tastes"

'Well its a good thing you don't live here then eh! ` and repeat.

Could be my mil but with tidiness.

She cannot come in the house without making at least one snide comment. Made her a coffee the other day when she was don’t she made a comment about oh lots of stuff on the work tops… not like I want your dirty cup on my worktop the sink is there. Or oh you’ve always got washing up on the drainer don’t you put it away. Fuck off.

Oh you have a lot of stuff. No one invited you in my house why are you even here.

Things I want to respond with. She only does it when dh isn’t here as well. I mostly comment back with a well when your son moves whatever blocking an area I can do it. Or well yeah it’s meant to be whoever cooks doesn’t wash up but guess who cooked and still got the washing up… me.

I’d say “it’s just as well we’ve decided to put you in a home when you get older and not live here then isn’t it”

I wouldn't bother to stoop to their level.

I like the idea of answering à la Sybil Fawlty.

In that vein I also like the idea of reading in bed whilst eating a box of chocs!

‘Gosh do you think so? It’s such a good job you’re here to tell me’.

My mum once nipped that I hadn’t polished my kitchen worktops to a shine. Last time she commented on my house

We’ve had this before and I just outright said “every time you come here all you do is criticise!”
It was a constant stream of “you should put your tea pot in the dishwasher more” etc
Did stop actually once I’d said something. But can understand that’s hard for you to do with in-laws - get your husband to say it!

Fiver in your pocket, when they make the first comment, hand it over to your DH with a resigned sigh
“Ah, they went with ‘light fittings’, you win”

Or “yassss, wall colours!! DH, you owe me, pay up!”

As soon as they realise they are the butt of your jokes, they might stop

My Mum and step-MIL are both like this. When I'd just renovated our last place, my Mum walks in and starts banging on about how we have to repaint it. Does stop for the entire time she's there. I'd just had it painted at great expense but she hated the colour and wanted me to paint it peach because her living room is peach.

Both DM and Step-MIL can't get their heads around us living in a (big) city-center garden flat. It's like they think we're kidding or something? All I get from both of them is a constant stream of "But really, you can't live here, where are you going to move to a nice new house in the suburbs". Umm, how about never? Step-MIL particularly likes to complain about how she could never live like this/could never live here/doesn't know how we can bear it etc.

I'm not in the UK, but the closest thing to my area in London is probably Southwark, so it's not like we live in a slum.

The world would be a very boring place if we all liked the same things.

Hilarious. Make it into a game. So the next time they come do thank yous. Each comment they make respond with a lovely sincere thank you as though they've just given you a compliment.

Next time you and hubby have a drink each time they make a comment.

Next you can agree with them 'those curtains are hideous' 'I know right! Ew!' - 'your carpet needs vacuuming' 'yeah it's nasty isn't it lol'

Other ideas:
each time they make a comment laugh hysterically as though they told a joke.

Pretend you didn't hear them and make them repeat it endlessly.

Walk out of the room and come back in as though nothing happened.

Ask if they would like a cup of tea.

Slap them across the face then deny all memory.

What a couple of bores!

I'd stop them coming over for a start. I had a friend who did this and she no longer comes here. It's her loss.

"Do you realise you criticise this house every time you visit it? I'm starting to consider not letting you round any more because it does get grating..."

My DM was like this and it was jealousy. She couldnt be happy for me no matter what I did. She commented negatively on everything.

This was the woman with the most awful taste and depressing delivery.

Tell them to stop otherwise they wont be invited over again.

@afunnyonejustforfun

Oh and also, I don't actually ask them round ever... they just kind of flock in to see my DD.

So just let them flock off. You don't have to let cretins into your house just because they have similar DNA to your bairn.

I know people bang on about letting them have a relationship, but a relationship with insensitive arseholes who keep belittling her parents, isn't exactly a relationship worth having.

@SW1amp

Fiver in your pocket, when they make the first comment, hand it over to your DH with a resigned sigh “Ah, they went with ‘light fittings’, you win”

Or “yassss, wall colours!! DH, you owe me, pay up!”

As soon as they realise they are the butt of your jokes, they might stop

D'accord!