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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws criticising house all the time

79 replies

afunnyonejustforfun · 08/04/2022 12:30

Mumsnet, keep me entertained please, whilst I await my baby in a week or two.

This is funny and I have posted about it before.

We've recently moved to a new place and have had work done. Every time without fail my in laws come around, they criticise everything. It's constant.

They barely ever say anything nice. How can people be so unaware of themselves ? For example : the colours are too light or too dark, the light fittings don't go in the rooms where we've put them, the stairs are too steep or too long. The list goes on. It's basically a constant thing.

I just brush it off ' oh we quite like it like this '. ' oh you think ? I like it '.

How can people be so unaware that they constantly do it ? It really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, but it is just that bit annoying that they seem to disapprove of basically everything we do..

OP posts:
Amei · 08/04/2022 15:12

My MIL does this, her most recent comment was that the house is too big for the amount of furniture we have so it echos and she doesn't like it. I have never ever noticed an echo and nor has anyone else.

LadyCordeliaFitzgerald · 08/04/2022 15:13

I love your attitude OP.

My mil likes to suggest sweeping changes along the lines of “you should knock this wall and change the dc’ playroom into a dining room” in front of autistic ds who cannot cope with change, and then wonders why he’s not thrilled to see her. Hmm

Her other one is “why did you paint the wall that colour/choose that couch/ put that there?” and seems genuinely perplexed when dh says “because we like it”. Makes me laugh every time.

2Gen · 08/04/2022 15:15

You could always paraphrase Fr. Fintan Stack and say "Well WE like it! And that's ALL that matters!!!".
That'd clearly tell them you don't care what they think. I agree with the PP who said they might be envious and that's also their problem, not yours.
Does your DH get fed up of them? Perhaps he could channel Fintan Stack next time in that case. That'd soften their coughs for them...unless they do it only when he's not able to hear? It's really rude and ignorant of them anyway!

knowinglesseveryday · 08/04/2022 15:18

@afunnyonejustforfun

The funny thing is, I know they're actually holding back 🤣

They must think everything we do is so rubbish and they try hard to keep it in, but they think so badly of everything we do, that occasionally it spills out when they come over.

It's so sad. Hope I'm never like that. I hate their house! But would never say.

Well do say, then. Just say that everyone has different taste, and that's just as well. You're not that keen on theirs either, but it doesn't matter in the scheme of things, as you don't live there. Lets stop talking about it.
Tabitha005 · 08/04/2022 15:24

Ha ha, OP, your post made me laugh.

I've got a friend who starts quite a lot of her sentences with: 'What you should have done is.....'.

TruJay · 08/04/2022 15:30

@stuntbubbles

“Hello, MIL – oh, gosh, shame about that haircut, much too blunt for you. Never mind, come on in – you’ll probably want to take off those ugly shoes, though. Cup of tea? I’ll get you the mug with the big handle, for your meaty fingers. So how are you, keeping well despite appearances?”

This properly made me chuckle Grin take your ugly shoes off Grin

Hollywolly1 · 08/04/2022 15:34

Tell them its to difficult for you to visit them as you get an allergy after every visit and tell them it must be the dust or dampness causing it

1forAll74 · 08/04/2022 15:50

Well their houses will be perfect in every way,, but not perfect in your eyes., so just dismiss what they say at all times. There are hundreds of critical and nit picking people all over the place.

LouLou789 · 08/04/2022 15:56

I would have a notebook handy and label it “Things X and X don’t like about our house” When the next next criticism comes, whip out the book, show them the title and laboriously write out what they’ve said, while repeating it out loud.

SuitcaseOfWhine · 08/04/2022 15:58

@afunnyonejustforfun

The funny thing is, I know they're actually holding back 🤣

They must think everything we do is so rubbish and they try hard to keep it in, but they think so badly of everything we do, that occasionally it spills out when they come over.

It's so sad. Hope I'm never like that. I hate their house! But would never say.

There you go then, you just say "Isn't it strange how we absolutely hate each others style?" or even better "I see your son doesn't get his good taste from you then".
Teateaandmoretea · 08/04/2022 16:04

They are treating you like children. My MIL does it a bit, she doesn't understand why we don't move to a bigger house (we can afford it just cba with the upheaval and quite like it where we are).

Eeksteek · 08/04/2022 16:07

I have a friend with a MIL like this. I used to try and be positive, then I happened to be there when MIL came to see her new house - glorious barn conversion with rooms in the rafter space looking out over the double height living area below. Fab house, even if it wasn’t your thing, loads to be nice about.

And MIL stood looking out over the amazing space and said ‘of course. The trouble with this is that you lose all the loft space’

It was all we could do not to howl with laughter over it. I didn’t even dare look at DF! How could you GAF about dusty old loft space - she had tons of storage space!!! It was SO funny. DF said she thinks of it all time and smiles, now.

Possibly no help, I know it can be really annoying!

Easterisoffeggstooexpensive · 08/04/2022 16:25

Suggest you will engage an electrician /builder and is it OK to send the invoices to her?

breakdown19 · 08/04/2022 16:51

@SW1amp

Fiver in your pocket, when they make the first comment, hand it over to your DH with a resigned sigh “Ah, they went with ‘light fittings’, you win”

Or “yassss, wall colours!! DH, you owe me, pay up!”

As soon as they realise they are the butt of your jokes, they might stop

I love this one.
Eightiesfan · 08/04/2022 17:09

My MIL was the same, I like grey so we (I) painted the entire downstairs a light/mid grey and our bedroom a dark grey. She banged on about battleship grey and how the house looked like a prison - it didn’t, I have a lot of colourful paintings and a lot of colour in sofas, chairs etc. The grey is a perfect backdrop to all of this.

A couple of years on and MIL has painted her lounge exactly the same colour!

garlictwist · 08/04/2022 17:14

Oh God, my mum is like this which is why I never invite her round despite her living round the corner.

According to her, our furniture is old and shabby, there is too much brown (there is one lightshade that was there from the previous owners!), we need a new dining table, the garden has too many weeds. Blah blah blah.

It makes me so cross.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 08/04/2022 17:34

Not at all: OP can simply make them less steep, less long, and lower the upper level of the house commensurate with the new height of the stairs. It’s only sheer indolence that stops her!

My mistake - I realise now how wicked and selfish OP is for not instantly listening to their wise counsel and moving to a bungalow forthwith on the strength of their sage advice Grin

Is anybody else now remembering the OP whose BIL visited and she kept records of every tiny little thing he complained about? There were some corkers in there!!

AnneKipankitoo · 08/04/2022 17:39

Yes! I remember @WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll.
I thought this guy is way worse than my MIL .

Original poster
afunnyonejustforfun · 08/04/2022 17:52

I don't get it!

Can't they just slag everything off behind our backs like normal people ??

OP posts:
Ratatoo · 08/04/2022 17:53

Look her dead in the eye and say bore off you old cunt. Tea?

Original poster
afunnyonejustforfun · 08/04/2022 17:53

@Ratatoo

Look her dead in the eye and say bore off you old cunt. Tea?
LOOOOOOL
OP posts:
Suzi888 · 08/04/2022 17:56

@FadedRed

I’ve put this up on similar threads, so you might already have it. Just print, frame and display conspicuously:
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
cumonilean · 08/04/2022 17:57

Reply with "I feel the same about yours but would never offer my opinion unless you asked for it"

tiredanddangerous · 08/04/2022 18:08

My DM is exactly like this. Even if I can get her to stop saying shit out loud I know exactly what she's thinking in her head. I don't let her round often.

LadyCordeliaFitzgerald · 09/04/2022 10:04

You could always try a variation on the MN classic “did you mean to say that out loud?”