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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a grown man to wake himself up!

74 replies

MomOfCritters · 07/04/2022 15:01

Bit light hearted really, but seriously is this too much to ask? My partner can never wake up on his own without me waking him up and it drives me insane, he had to go into the office today (normally wfh) so needed to be awake at 6am, but no I had wake him 3 times before he actually woke up! Wouldn't mind but I didn't need to be up at 6am DC were still fast asleep! Why oh why can he not wake up on his own!

OP posts:
EthelTheAardvark · 07/04/2022 15:05

Doesn't he hear alarms?

ClaudiaWankleman · 07/04/2022 15:06

Why would you wake him?

If my DP doesn’t wake up, I leave them. It’s not my responsibility.

Saltyquiche · 07/04/2022 15:06

He’s a grown man, stop doing this.

FOJN · 07/04/2022 15:07

Why oh why can he not wake up on his own!

Presumably he had a pre "MomOfCritters" time in his life where he managed to get out of bed. He's not doing so now because you are willingly acting as his human alarm clock and he can blame you for any consequences of being late. Stop doing it, he's a grown up.

Unanananana · 07/04/2022 15:07

Leave him to be late and suffer the consequences. He is a adult.

You are not his mum nor his alarm clock.

irregularegular · 07/04/2022 15:08

It's definitely his responsibility!!! Just leave him to it. We've managed to get teen DS to this stage, even if he does have to set 4 alarms. I'm sure your DP can manage it.

Cstring · 07/04/2022 15:10

Don’t be his alarm clock !! As a fully gown human he is quite capable of working out a system to wake himself up (that doesn’t include you!)

LizzieMacQueen · 07/04/2022 15:10

Get him to buy a wearable alarm.

Brefugee · 07/04/2022 15:11

Let him suffer the consequences. If he's waking you up when you don't need to be awake, can you sleep elsewhere?

Freddiefox · 07/04/2022 15:13

Because he treats you like the hired help rather than a partner.
Why do you accept this?

Deadringer · 07/04/2022 15:13

My mum used to spend ages trying to get my older brothers up for work, funny enough once they moved into places of their own they managed fine. Leave him to it.

Topseyt · 07/04/2022 15:15

Stop waking him. Tell him tonight that you are not impressed with this whole pantomime in the mornings and will no longer be acting as his personal walking, talking alarm clock.

If he doesn't get himself up then he will be late for work and will have to face the consequences.

Hugasauras · 07/04/2022 15:19

Yep, if he lived alone he'd have to manage so leave him to it. It's part of being an adult.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 07/04/2022 15:22

Nothing is light-hearted at 6am!

Why isn't he getting up and making tea for you before he goes off to work?

If you like having him as your man-child - like a larger version of the ones you get up for school- then the waking thing is no problem. I'd hate it!

autumnboys · 07/04/2022 15:28

Let him reap the consequences of not getting up. He’s an adult. It won’t ever get better or change unless you don’t.

MayMorris · 07/04/2022 15:36

Every time you wake him, reassures him that he doesn’t need to be responsible for waking himself up and that he can rely on you to do that for him
STOP
I stopped waking my own kids when they got to be teenagers. If they missed their bus and were late for school it would be them with detention. They were never late despite my eldest being terrible in the mornings. He’d leave it till the last minute (still does) but he’d make it.

katseyes7 · 07/04/2022 15:37

My ex husband was like this.
When l was at home l'd spend a good hour going up and down the stairs, trying to get him out of bed and out of the door to work. And he'd get very nasty and aggressive with me.
One day l was at work (early shift, starting at 7am) and l got a call from his work asking if he was ok (he started a couple of hours after me) because he hadn't turned up and hadn't called them.

They'd called the house several times, no response. I ended up having to take my lunch break at 9.30 am to drive home to see if he was okay.
He was. He'd just woken up and was raging at me for going home! Even though l said that both l and his work were concerned for his well being. He was actually fine, but he called work and lied, and said he wasn't well.
We split up not long after that (unconnected), but l found out months later that his workplace were making people redundant and he was one of the people who were let go. There were actually two of them doing the job he did, but the other guy was a good timekeeper.
When we'd been going to Relate l raised this as an issue and was told "you're not his mother, leave him in bed." Which is fair enough, but when he lost his job, l'd have been the one working to keep both of us while he lay in bed half the day.

SomePosters · 07/04/2022 15:42

One of the things I’ve learned is not to let partners draw me into these things

Let him be late and deal with the consequences or mum him and resent him

Your choice

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 07/04/2022 15:43

'Leave him to be late and suffer the consequences. He is a adult.

You are not his mum nor his alarm clock.'

Another vote for this ^ !

Etinoxaurus · 07/04/2022 15:46

Being charitable he’s sleeping through because he knows you’ll wake him up.
But don’t. Tell him you won’t and don’t.

ShouldBeWorking23 · 07/04/2022 15:46

It’s not light hearted really though, is it? Just another example of women having to do more of everything. Sleep in the spare / kids room next time, let him work it out himself

EV117 · 07/04/2022 15:47

Just don’t wake him up 🤷‍♀️

HollowTalk · 07/04/2022 15:50

It's all very well people say "leave him in bed" but if he loses his job (which is the inevitable result) then the OP will be in financial difficulties.

BoredZelda · 07/04/2022 15:51

I can sleep through an alarm. Even if I set a couple of them, I can sleep through them. I never used to, but for some reason some times they don’t wake me up. If I need to be up and I have slept through my alarm, my husband wakes me. I’m not sure what else I’m supposed to do.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/04/2022 15:52

He doesn't do it because you do it. Because you are being a mug.

Stop. And tell him now that you are stopping. And mean it.