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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect a grown man to wake himself up!

74 replies

MomOfCritters · 07/04/2022 15:01

Bit light hearted really, but seriously is this too much to ask? My partner can never wake up on his own without me waking him up and it drives me insane, he had to go into the office today (normally wfh) so needed to be awake at 6am, but no I had wake him 3 times before he actually woke up! Wouldn't mind but I didn't need to be up at 6am DC were still fast asleep! Why oh why can he not wake up on his own!

OP posts:

FourChimneys · 07/04/2022 18:14

I used to know someone who was profoundly deaf. She had some sort of device which made her bed vibrate instead of an audible alarm. It might be worth investigating.

balalake · 07/04/2022 18:27

There may be a cause such as diet, being overweight, or simply not going to bed early enough. That mean that this should be treated, not just accepted.

Tough love needed, stop waking him up. The vibrating alarm used by people with no hearing may be an option.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 07/04/2022 18:47

Here's a suggestion... you tie a brick to one of his testicles and at the required hour you chuck the brick out of the window. You should notice that he gets up pretty smartish...

You only need to do it twice (just as well really) and you will find that he will always be awake before you in future.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/04/2022 20:51

@FourChimneys

I used to know someone who was profoundly deaf. She had some sort of device which made her bed vibrate instead of an audible alarm. It might be worth investigating.

They don't work for everybody - if you're deeply asleep after no more than 3 hours, for example.

Thinking about it, the vibrating fitbit and phone aren't enough, half the roof coming off in a storm sort of worked for a couple of minutes before going straight back to sleep, even a bird coming down the chimney and flapping around my face only got me as far as 'ugh, fluttering - zzzz'. And my mother screaming up the stairs and walloping the living room ceiling with a broomhandle didn't work, either. I woke up if she physically dragged me out by my hair at about 2.05am, though. That was her favourite way of showing displeasure with me.

A hand on my shoulder though, works, isn't terrifying and he was always going to be awake after all those alarms have gone off and the light is on and the phone is vibrating, anyhow.

violetbunny · 07/04/2022 21:03

Does he have any underlying issues with sleep? Is he falling asleep at other times of the day?

5foot5 · 07/04/2022 21:04

Could you get him one of these Shock Clock

It's a wearable alarm clock that is silent but delivers a mild electric shock. I see there is one mode where the only way to stop the alarm is to get out of bed and do Jumping Jacks!

veggiemonster · 07/04/2022 21:07

Just don’t wake him up it really is that easy

GetOffTheTableMabel · 07/04/2022 21:40

My rule when waking DD1 was “feet on the floor”. I will come and wake you up but I’m not leaving the room until I see feet on floor, heading for the bathroom. I’ve got my own morning to get on with.
She has suspected ASD and a rubbish sleep cycle. She still struggles a bit but sets herself multiple alarms and takes responsibility for it herself these days.
He could at least get himself out of bed immediately when you go in the first time. That’s really not too much to ask. In fact, less than that is pretty disrespectful.

Chouetted · 07/04/2022 21:52

@GetOffTheTableMabel

My rule when waking DD1 was “feet on the floor”. I will come and wake you up but I’m not leaving the room until I see feet on floor, heading for the bathroom. I’ve got my own morning to get on with. She has suspected ASD and a rubbish sleep cycle. She still struggles a bit but sets herself multiple alarms and takes responsibility for it herself these days. He could at least get himself out of bed immediately when you go in the first time. That’s really not too much to ask. In fact, less than that is pretty disrespectful.

Honestly. that depends on the person - someone with high sleep inertia can take the first ten minutes just to work out which side of bed to get out of, or how to operate their legs

Sunnytwobridges · 07/04/2022 23:33

Ugh my ex was like this. ANd would get an attitude if I didn't wake him. Was extremely annoying.

Comtesse · 07/04/2022 23:38

You are making excuses, yabu….

HellToTheNope · 07/04/2022 23:43

You have a you problem. It is absolutely fucking absurd that you have allowed this nonsense. He either behaves like a grown up and gets up on his own or he faces the consequences.

Stop lowering yourself by pandering to his bullshit. You're not his mummy.

RainbowMum11 · 07/04/2022 23:48

I struggle to wake up a lot of mornings - it's not good at all.
I set multiple alarms and have tried all sorts, including changing the time I take my medication but nothing seems to help at all.
To the point that I need to get my DC an alarm clock so she knows the time and can wake me up.
It's a big problem and I'm trying to sell medical help to address it. It's not always been an issue but is definitely linked to my depression, medication and PTSD. But I am a grown up and need to take responsibility, of course I do - but I need help.

HikingforScenery · 07/04/2022 23:53

Because he knows you’ll wake him?

Merlott · 08/04/2022 00:00

My DH used to do this / I used to fall into this trap.

I stopped doing it and also turned off his phone alarm which would go off from 6am to 8am in 10 minute invervals why he lay semi comatose.

After a few late starts and a warning from his boss suddenly he started sorting himself out.

It can be done OP

EthelTheAardvark · 08/04/2022 08:52

An extra loud alarm clock would wake DC up so I would be up anyway, it not normally an issue as I wake up at 6.30 naturally anyway and wake him at 7 when I'm heading downstairs,

So doesn't he set an alarm at all, even a quietish one? How did he wake before he got together with you? What would he do if you were ill?

And isn't 7 a.m. an OK time for the DC to wake up anyway?

AlisonDonut · 08/04/2022 08:56

I don't want to leave him as I don't want him to get into trouble at work because that would impact us as a family

Why isn't he worried about this?

IncompleteSenten · 08/04/2022 09:02

What I would do would depend on how he behaves.is he grateful for your help or is he an arse with you about waking him up?
Does he acknowledge it is actually his responsibility not yours to ensure he wakes up?
Does he blame you if he's late?

If he's appreciative and understands you are doing him a massive favour I'd actually keep doing it. If he's an entitled arsehole about it I would stop.

Teeturtle · 08/04/2022 09:04

Drives me mad. Then when he does get up he says “why didn’t you wake me”. I didn’t call him today (WFH on Friday) and he got up at 8:54.

Longleggedgiraffe · 08/04/2022 09:05

@HollowTalk

It's all very well people say "leave him in bed" but if he loses his job (which is the inevitable result) then the OP will be in financial difficulties.

So it’s okay for him to continue not taking responsibility for himself? Yet another example of women being expected to pander to the men in their lives. He needs to grow up.

Original poster

MomOfCritters · 08/04/2022 11:11

@IncompleteSenten

What I would do would depend on how he behaves.is he grateful for your help or is he an arse with you about waking him up? Does he acknowledge it is actually his responsibility not yours to ensure he wakes up? Does he blame you if he's late?

If he's appreciative and understands you are doing him a massive favour I'd actually keep doing it. If he's an entitled arsehole about it I would stop.

He's grateful that I wake him, never moans if I don't, he doesn't expect me to wake him up really, I just do it to make sure he's up on time, whenever I don't wake him up he's never upset with me. I think it's just a habit that we've both gotten into tbh.

OP posts:

Original poster

MomOfCritters · 08/04/2022 11:12

@peachy3

My DP is the same, the only person his alarm wakes up is me at 6am

it goes on and on for at least thirty minutes before I just shout at him and turn over in a strop.

This used to happen alot when dd was tiny and still sleeping in our room so I kicked him out of our room into the spare room until DD went into her own room.

OP posts:

Wilburisagirl · 08/04/2022 12:51

OP has he ever tried a vibrating alarm clock? They make them for people with hearing impairments but I wonder if it would help in a situation like this?

Original poster

MomOfCritters · 08/04/2022 12:53

@Wilburisagirl

OP has he ever tried a vibrating alarm clock? They make them for people with hearing impairments but I wonder if it would help in a situation like this?

We haven't, his Fitbit alarm doesn't seem to budge him, but I'm not sure if they are the same 🤷🏻‍♀️.

OP posts:

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