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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have i overreacted re NSPCC call/referral/possible triggering

75 replies

Itsjeremycorbynsfault · 07/04/2022 12:20

I'm torn this morning after my DD told me that a friend has been getting her to play a game of 'girlfriend and boyfriend' under the bed which involved this friend touching my DD's private parts.

They are just six years old and i thought this highly inappropriate behaviour for this age and contacted NSPCC who have referred to children's services.

I'm now worried i've overreacted and perhaps i should have addressed it direct with the other parents first. I just didn't feel that this was 'normal' behaviour.

I feel sick about the situation as i experienced CSA as a child and feel this may have clouded my judgement if i've overreacted

OP posts:
Juggle42 · 07/04/2022 12:27

I don't think you overreacted.

PurpleFlower1983 · 07/04/2022 12:29

Does the boy have older siblings who he could have picked this up from? I don’t think it’s entirely abnormal at this age but you did the right thing reporting it. A school would take this seriously and discuss it with both parents for example.

PurpleFlower1983 · 07/04/2022 12:30

Just to add, I don’t think you overreacted either.

DebtheSander · 07/04/2022 12:32

You did absolutely the right thing.

You do not know what the other child may be experiencing in the home. So you were right to seek advice. If the child is in danger, going directly to the parents could have placed the child in further danger.

The best thing that you can do is reassure your dc that they were right to tell you.

MadeForThis · 07/04/2022 12:33

There is a possibility the other child is being abused. You don't know who is responsible for this. Approaching the parents would not be the correct move.

Social services are the correct people to investigate this.

You did the right thing.

DollyPartBaked · 07/04/2022 12:35

I don't think you overreacted. And anyway would rather 'overreact' in this situation than under-react.

girlmom21 · 07/04/2022 12:37

You've absolutely done the right thing. That boy needs protection. Did they give you advice on how best to support your daughter? I hope she's ok

RoyKentsChestHair · 07/04/2022 12:37

@DebtheSander

You did absolutely the right thing.

You do not know what the other child may be experiencing in the home. So you were right to seek advice. If the child is in danger, going directly to the parents could have placed the child in further danger.

The best thing that you can do is reassure your dc that they were right to tell you.

Absolutely this - going to the parents could have the opposite of the the intended effect if they were the one responsible for sexualising a young child.

Childrens services will have a record of any other concerns that eg school may have raised, so can build up a picture of whether or not this is something to worry about or just innocent childhood games. As a non professional you are not qualified to make that decision as you aren’t in possession of any other info about this child. If there’s nothing else on record it will likely go no further, but from a safeguarding perspective you’ve done 100% the right thing, by referring it to professionals.

Cocopopsss · 07/04/2022 12:39

I think you did the right thing. Unfortunately, if there was CSA, the parents could be involved, ignore it or cover it up.

Original poster
Itsjeremycorbynsfault · 07/04/2022 12:39

Thank you. This is what i thought re possible abuse elsewhere. The other child is also female

Yes they gave me some signposting. My DD was a bit upset and said she didn't like the game and felt embarrassed and it hurt.

She's OK at the moment though, thank you

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 07/04/2022 12:40

Bless her, poor DD - you should be really proud she told you about it especially as she was embarrassed. You did absolutely the right thing Thanks

JelloFishy · 07/04/2022 12:41

I don't think you can over react by calling the NSPCC. They are trained to deal with situations like this and report to the appropriate agencies.

If it is nothing then does it matter that you reported it? If it is then you have potentially helped a vulnerable child/children.

JelloFishy · 07/04/2022 12:41

Hope your daughter is okay.

housemaus · 07/04/2022 12:42

I don't think you've overreacted.

It's reasonably developmentally normal for kids to be nosy about each others' bodies, especially when they're different to their own.

However, for the boy to have connected that to 'being boyfriend and girlfriend' (i.e. adding an element that it's sexual, rather than pure curiosity) means at the very least, he's aware that adult couples do stuff with each others' genitals.

Now maybe he has very open and honest parents who've just had a second baby and have had a very pared-back sex talk about how when mummies and daddies love each other very much they do something together and a baby happens or something - I can see that being true ("But what do they do? Oh they do it with their private bits" etc) but it feels a bit off and I think you were right to report, just in case.

Fingers crossed it's nothing sinister for him and you can chalk it up to some childhood silliness and use it as a lesson to reinforce bodily autonomy and consent etc with DD. Flowers

housemaus · 07/04/2022 12:43

Apologies, I see it was another little girl - the same points still stand, though, I think!

CornishGem1975 · 07/04/2022 12:45

100% the right decision, like others have said, there is a possibility this other child might have experienced some abuse.

Original poster
Itsjeremycorbynsfault · 07/04/2022 12:53

Yes it's a tricky one determining whether it's natural curiosity/games. I think the other child is more five than six and it was how young they are that concerned me the most.

Hopefully it's nothing and it's is a case of hearing inappropriate stuff from older siblings

OP posts:
carefullycourageous · 07/04/2022 12:58

You might want to seek relevant advice for yourself IMO to ensure you handle this correctly with respect to your DD.

rhowton · 07/04/2022 13:07

I don't think you under reacted at all. In the first sentence, I thought you were going to say tween or early teen, but at 6 years old, something is 100% going on.

Rebecca1305 · 07/04/2022 13:21

Your poor poor girl 😢 I would of reported too and I think I would be really angry although I know it’s not the other child’s fault. Do you think you will speak to the parents about it ?

axolotlfloof · 07/04/2022 13:22

It sounds like you absolutely did the right thing.
Contacting the parents/potential abusers is absolutely the wrong thing.

TooManyPJs · 07/04/2022 13:22

I think your reaction is fine. There could be abuse.

However I remember playing similar "games" at a similar age so may not be anything to worry about, just to reassure you. I think children start to have an awareness of the difference around that time and children are curious!

Tabitha005 · 07/04/2022 13:24

I don't think you overreacted - especially not considering your DD told you 'it hurt'.

JenniferPlantain · 07/04/2022 13:24

I would say, in this situation, your reaction is okay. All you've done is allow professionals to check in on a situation that they will be qualified to draw conclusions from, whereas you cannot.

PurpleFlower1983 · 07/04/2022 13:27

@Itsjeremycorbynsfault

Thank you. This is what i thought re possible abuse elsewhere. The other child is also female

Yes they gave me some signposting. My DD was a bit upset and said she didn't like the game and felt embarrassed and it hurt.

She's OK at the moment though, thank you

This is more worrying and I would be worried about the other child suffering abuse. Sad