Page 3 | Have i overreacted re NSPCC call/referral/possible triggering

avocadotofu · 07/04/2022 15:28

You absolutely did the right thing! I hope to her daughter is okay.

bumsnett · 07/04/2022 15:31

@Greyarea12

You have not over reacted. If anything there is a chance you have just saved a child from sexual abuse because when young children participate in 'games' such as the one she asked your daughter to it can be a sign that the child is being sexually abused themselves. I had a very similar situation with my child. Aged 3 another child was taking them into the toilet and asking them to show their private parts to each other. I reported it to the nursery incase that child was being abused.

I think youre right to be cautious but also kids are going to do this to experiment; they're becoming aware of their own bodies.

anon2334 · 07/04/2022 15:32

You have done the right thing. Nearly 40 years ago when I was 6 I used to live next door to a family, they had boys and I remember the 10 year old playing around one day and took me into a closet and simulated sex. It's was weird as I thought it was a game. They moved away. Years later I did a counselling course and part of it we had to have therapy and I mentioned and was told by therapist that children often imitate what they see and some just happen to see that. With all these tablets and phones and kids on them, parents not checking it could be anything but it was right to mention it ,just in case it's more sinister. Wouldn't be surprised if it's social media content as this is a big one and kids playing squid games, imitating what they see.

Crazydoglady1980 · 07/04/2022 15:47

Brook have a guide which explains what is normal child exploration, what is concerning behaviour and what is a red flag. It is set by ages as well.

www.enhertsccg.nhs.uk/sites/default/files/Sexual-Behaviours-Traffic-Light-Tool.pdf

Folklore9074 · 07/04/2022 15:51

@Itsjeremycorbynsfault

I'm torn this morning after my DD told me that a friend has been getting her to play a game of 'girlfriend and boyfriend' under the bed which involved this friend touching my DD's private parts.

They are just six years old and i thought this highly inappropriate behaviour for this age and contacted NSPCC who have referred to children's services.

I'm now worried i've overreacted and perhaps i should have addressed it direct with the other parents first. I just didn't feel that this was 'normal' behaviour.

I feel sick about the situation as i experienced CSA as a child and feel this may have clouded my judgement if i've overreacted

Tricky. But I think children are curious and do compare/experiment/play out things they might have seen or heard. And just because they have seen or heard something dosn’t mean there is abuse going on. I think perhaps it would have been better to address it with the parents rather than nspcc/child services. Repercussions could be quite big now and really the whole thing could have been quite innocent. But you know your child and I can see how your experience would have triggered you here, and you never know I suppose, there could be abuse going on. You did what you thought was best in the moment.

DeoForty · 07/04/2022 15:53

The NSPCC can conclude what is normal exploration and what could be a sign of a child being sexually abused. You've done the right thing.

Lacedwithgrace · 07/04/2022 15:55

You did the right thing. What the other child did would suggest they are possibly being abused, they shouldn't know things like that at 6 years old.

Please be assured you did not overreact, you kept these children safe

Hutchy16 · 07/04/2022 16:23

I think it is probably an overreaction - but it is 💯 the same reaction I would have had and I would hope everyone would have. Because whilst it is likely that it is not an abused child, it could be, and I would rather that everyone overreacted and reported something, than let it go and one more child is a victim who can’t get help

Cherrysoup · 07/04/2022 16:36

You have done the right thing, IMO. Are you going to say anything to the other parents? I imagine you don’t want your dd to go back to the other child’s house.

Original poster

Itsjeremycorbynsfault · 07/04/2022 16:38

As an update i've spoken with children's services who got in touch and they aren't concerned and are happy for me to address it with the parents myself and they will give them a call tomorrow and then close it more than likely.

Like you say Hutchy16 , more than likely I have overreacted but i guess better to get a second opinion on these things

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 07/04/2022 16:41

@Itsjeremycorbynsfault

As an update i've spoken with children's services who got in touch and they aren't concerned and are happy for me to address it with the parents myself and they will give them a call tomorrow and then close it more than likely.

Like you say Hutchy16 , more than likely I have overreacted but i guess better to get a second opinion on these things

How can they possibly say they're not concerned?! That's outrageous.

WinterDeWinter · 07/04/2022 16:47

Hold on, why did your DD say it hurt? Does she mean that the other girl tried to (sorry OP) penetrate her in some way?

PixieLaLa · 07/04/2022 16:50

As an update i've spoken with children's services who got in touch and they aren't concerned

That is quite worrying, they can so quickly write something off

oatlattetogo · 07/04/2022 16:54

@Itsjeremycorbynsfault

As an update i've spoken with children's services who got in touch and they aren't concerned and are happy for me to address it with the parents myself and they will give them a call tomorrow and then close it more than likely.

Like you say Hutchy16 , more than likely I have overreacted but i guess better to get a second opinion on these things

They aren’t concerned that another child physically hurt your little girl by intentionally touching her genitals in a game of ‘boyfriend and girlfriend’? That is crazy. Could you call 111 and report it to them and see what they say?

I don’t see how it’s a good idea for you to discuss it with her parents. If, god forbid, she is being abused at home then it’s highly likely it’s a family member who is doing it.

girlmom21 · 07/04/2022 16:57

@oatlattetogo do you mean 101?

Pixiedust1234 · 07/04/2022 16:58

The worrying part for me is that your daughter said it hurt. Normal experimentation at that age surely wouldnt hurt?. I am now even more worried if childrens services said that is okay . Call them back and get that bit clarified. I am sorry this happened to your little girl

Hertsgirl10 · 07/04/2022 17:28

@Notthedeadparrotsketch

They are children FFS!

no offence OP, but you've just ruined a families life and forced a complex on your own daughter who will now be scared to tell you anything ever again.

@Notthedeadparrotsketch

Oh wow I hope if you have kids that you have someone round that doesn’t normalise this kind of thing and teaches them the underwear rules.

Seriously have to wonder about people like you that think this is normal.

oatlattetogo · 07/04/2022 18:29

@girlmom21 Yes that is indeed what I meant, thank you!

letmeeatcrisps · 07/04/2022 19:03

Better to over react than under react with something of this magnitude and with how common CSA is -and tbh if the other girls parents care then they would probably want to know also

Hertsgirl10 · 07/04/2022 19:42

Op have you spoken to the actual social services yourself about this?

Rebecca1305 · 07/04/2022 22:24

That can’t be right ???? You haven’t over reacted at all don’t listen to those stupid comments. That’s disgusting and shocking there not concerned was that social services you spoke with? I would not be happy at all with that outcome ? That’s deeply worrying.

Weirdsituationworries · 07/04/2022 22:54

It would not be the first time social services have denied a problem exists. This was precisely the response I heard of happening locally and it involved a child of the same age. We can only hope that if there is something going on that someone else makes the same choice as OP and social services then take it seriously

Maternitynamechange · 08/04/2022 11:20

Children do not experiment sexually. Children with a frame of reference for sexual behaviour mimic.

Genital fascination is not the same as an understanding of mutual sexual touching.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/04/2022 11:27

@Notthedeadparrotsketch
They are children FFS!
no offence OP, but you've just ruined a families life and forced a complex on your own daughter who will now be scared to tell you anything ever again.

This is what you need to read DeadParrot

It's worth reminding yourself that if it was nothing to worry about and you'd overreacted, NSPCC wouldn't have made the referral. They know what they're doing and wouldn't waste children's services time unless they agreed it was something that needed looking into

Op didn't know how to deal with a situation. Op asked a professional. The professional said "OK that's a worry". That means it's a worry. That professional will take appropriate action. That means it's appropriate. The only person "ruining" lives is potentially the person exposing the 5 year old to sexualised behaviour.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/04/2022 11:30

@Itsjeremycorbynsfault

As an update i've spoken with children's services who got in touch and they aren't concerned and are happy for me to address it with the parents myself and they will give them a call tomorrow and then close it more than likely.

Like you say Hutchy16 , more than likely I have overreacted but i guess better to get a second opinion on these things

Op please don't just drop this.

Like others, it's the hurt bit that is significant. Normally you don't want to ask leading qns but I think it's really important to ascertain where it hurt. Sorry, but inside or out.