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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My word should have been enough

341 replies

EthelsAuntie · 07/04/2022 09:37

A couple of weeks ago, I was admitted to hospital. I had severe abdominal pain, no appetite, being violently sick, couldnt even keep water down. I hadn't been to the toilet for a wee or a poo for at least 24hrs.
The dr wanted to send me for an x-ray of my tummy but wouldn't send me until I got a confirmed negative on a pregnancy test.
I repeatedly told them that I wasn't pregnant. I knew that I wasn't pregnant. However because I'm married they said they needed to do the test. This seriously held up proceedings. They had to put me on a drip. They probably would have done that anyway. But they had to wait for hours until I was able to go for a wee. Then they did a test on it and only then did they request the X-ray because lo behold I was not pregnant.
It turned out to be extremely serious and I needed emergency surgery that took 5 hours.
AIBU to have felt very strongly that they should have taken my word for it. Make me sign something to say that I wasn't pregnant. Fine. Don't just dismiss me because I'm of childbearing age.
I also wonder what would have happened had I been pregnant. Neither I nor a fetus would have survived what the actual problem was had it been left untreated.
It was an awful time and I have to say the constant asking and not taking my word for it did not help. I was feeling like shit. I am a strong, intelligent woman in my 40s but I felt I didn't have a voice to be listened to.

OP posts:
LadyLolaRuben · 07/04/2022 12:19

Its standard clinical procedure for your own safety. Its important they check first

Indicatrice · 07/04/2022 12:20

@LadyLolaRuben

Its standard clinical procedure for your own safety. Its important they check first
How was it for OP’s safety?
SolasAnla · 07/04/2022 12:21

[quote MrsPetty]@SolasAnla I really won’t get started on my biblical views … I was joking. I’d have been asking for a paternity test more than a pregnancy test in Mary’s case. But that’s the atheist in me …[/quote]
The paternity test pre birth would have been needed a pregnancy test first
.
This thread of 124 has 3-4 (?) cases where a standardised test proved useful.

DSGR · 07/04/2022 12:23

They have to check. You could have sued otherwise

Jillyfernilly · 07/04/2022 12:23

To exclude an ectopic pregnancy.

I suspect they didn't knaw about the hysterectomy (given that OP didn't mention that until late on in this thread I would question when she mentioned it at the hospital).

In ED the doctors don't always have access to patient's previous medical records (and if the hysterectomy was done in another institution it might not even have been in the hospital records were they available).

mam0918 · 07/04/2022 12:24

I'm a woman of childbearing age who has never been on contraception is married and actively tried for 10 years... I have never been asked to take a pregnancy test, they see infertile in my records and that my DS was IVF and just skip it.

One day I choose to randomly do a test because some meds I was prescribed cant be taken when pregnant and I WAS pregnant with my natural surprise baby.

FOJN · 07/04/2022 12:24

I agree OP, you could have been asked to sign a disclaimer. The treatment you required was delayed because it's possible for you to get pregnant. Your life was treated as less important than a potential baby. I think that is very unreasonable. There is no comparable experience for men but a potential human should not take priority over one actually in existence just because that human is female. A woman concerned about a possible pregnancy would be able to say so when asked. It's time other people stopped making decisions about how much bodily autonomy women are allowed.

TakeMeToKernow · 07/04/2022 12:25

This reminds me of when I had lower limb surgery! My time in the hospital, right up to the point of being taken into theatre, was a shambles. As I was about to be put under, a chap with a clipboard says to me “they haven’t done a pregnancy test. You pregnant?” And without waiting for me to answer, winks and says “we’ll keep the X-rays low”.

FairyCakeWings · 07/04/2022 12:27

Blame women who have lied or been mistaken in the past, not medical professionals who are just doing their job, following the rules, and trying to keep you safe.

Indicatrice · 07/04/2022 12:28

@FairyCakeWings

Blame women who have lied or been mistaken in the past, not medical professionals who are just doing their job, following the rules, and trying to keep you safe.
How are they keeping Op safe by denying her treatment?
Indicatrice · 07/04/2022 12:30

@Jillyfernilly

To exclude an ectopic pregnancy.

I suspect they didn't knaw about the hysterectomy (given that OP didn't mention that until late on in this thread I would question when she mentioned it at the hospital).

In ED the doctors don't always have access to patient's previous medical records (and if the hysterectomy was done in another institution it might not even have been in the hospital records were they available).

Abs yet more infantilising of women, do you really think OP is that dense that she wouldn’t have mentioned her hysterectomy?
mam0918 · 07/04/2022 12:31

@EthelsAuntie

Sorry, those who think that I am too thick to understand why they did it. I do understand the risks but it would have been my choice to go ahead. I am needed by my alive children. Fine make me sign a waiver to say that this was my decision but it should have been my decision. I seriously could have died because of this wait.
People ask to be killed, have limbs hacked off and all sorts when in pain and scared doesn't mean they are thinking straight or thats the right thing to do.

Also just from your wording/writings on this you sound very dramatic and seeking anger/offense. I cannot believe for one second that had something pregnancy-related been the cause you would not have loved the thrill of the war path if things hadn't been done correctly.

The fact they let you wait shows you were not anywhere near in the seconds before immediate death - they are professionals who deal with this shit every day and know how to handle emergencies in a time-sensitive manner, you may have felt like you were immediately dying but you weren't.

Naunet · 07/04/2022 12:35

I think they need to do their check, I’m sorry, sadly women saying they are absolutely not pregnant when they are is not uncommon and they would be negligent not to check

Yeah, because women are just stupid, untrustworthy liars aren’t they? 🙄 where’s your proof that women regularly lie to medical staff about being pregnant?

Indicatrice · 07/04/2022 12:36

@mam0918

People ask to be killed, have limbs hacked off and all sorts when in pain and scared doesn't mean they are thinking straight or thats the right thing to do.

you sound very dramatic and seeking anger/offense

Asking for life saving surgery is very different to asking to be killed or for a limb to be hacked off.

You might as well call OP hysterical and fill my bingo card.

Chasingaftermidnight · 07/04/2022 12:37

@Decorbreadthegingerate

It’s a tough one. I had a dental x ray and removal of amalgam filling (both contraindicated in pregnancy) because I ticked the box saying I was not/could not be pregnant. Because, despite TTC, my period had just started on the usual date.

My ‘period’ stopped a couple of days later and I found out I was indeed pregnant Confused. Luckily, child is fine several years later Blush

So I get that even the surest of the sure can be wrong. That said, and after all that waffle, I do think your word should have been good enough, even if you were made to sign something

Yeah, at the dentist they don’t make you do pregnancy tests. They just take your word for it. At least they do at mine and it sounds like they did at yours.

I also find it a bit odd because by the time a pregnancy shows up on a pregnancy test, the woman will in most cases be aware of it. I do know that’s not always the case. But a negative pregnancy test doesn’t mean a woman isn’t in the early stages of pregnancy.

Cookiecrumble22 · 07/04/2022 12:40

They have to check because your married . Thats an odd thing to say.

I get why they checked. There are many woman that have been pregnant without knowing its also to cover themselves (if) It had turned out you were pregnant. And something happend to the baby or you. Because of any op or meds /treatment they gave you. You could then sue them and say they should have tested.

Chasingaftermidnight · 07/04/2022 12:42

Abdominal pain in women of a child bearing age has various differential diagnoses and one of them is ectopic pregnancy. This can be ruled out by a negative pregnancy test.

Oh, ok. If it’s part of the diagnostic procedure - as opposed to withholding other treatment in case it harms a hypothetical baby - that makes more sense to me.

ancientgran · 07/04/2022 12:45

I used to work in a police station. There was a strike by the ambulance service and the army stepped in and a bobby would go on the ambulance with them to ensure they didn't get lost, pre sat nav days.

One call was a young woman with severe abdominal pain. Army guys doing their thing and the police officer said, "You're in labour." She denied it. He timed a two minute gap between pains and said, "You're in labour." She said she definitely wasn't.

Army guys take her out to their ambulance, big step up, she puts one foot up, has a pain and police officer catches the baby. He said, "You were in labour." She said it wasn't possible.

Patchbatch · 07/04/2022 12:45

Ah the big old drip feed that weirdly wasn't present in the OP. If it's policy then of course they will follow it as to not lose their PIN or be in all sorts of other trouble, sadly the tug between being logical and following procedure is a big one but I don't blame any hcps for nkt risking their jobs. Complain to pals for it to be changed if you feel so inclined as it will need to be reconsidered at the top.

godmum56 · 07/04/2022 12:45

I belive that they even check nuns under the same circumstances

ancientgran · 07/04/2022 12:47

Yeah, at the dentist they don’t make you do pregnancy tests. They just take your word for it. At least they do at mine and it sounds like they did at yours.

I've never had a dentist do an abdominal xray. Is that a thing now?

ancientgran · 07/04/2022 12:49

@godmum56

I belive that they even check nuns under the same circumstances
I remember my very religious, very scandalised granny, gossiping about a pregnant nun. Never known it myself but I do know a couple of priests who fathered a baby but that wouldn't have mattered for an xray.
Tabitha005 · 07/04/2022 12:55

The insistence on pregnancy testing, but taking your word for it if you tell them you're not allergic to anything and not on any prescribed/unprescribed medication/drugs has always baffled me, too.

ancientgran · 07/04/2022 12:55

@GivenchyDahhling

The thing about pregnancy is there is no obvious parallel 'condition' (for want of a better word) for men.

But if there was, or if men got pregnant, I am fairly certain men would be taken at their word.

I'm not so sure. HCPs never seem to accept my DH is teetotal, I have the same problem. It seems to be beyond their comprehension that people genuinely don't drink alochol. At a recent appointment DH eventually said, "Well I might have a sip of champagne at a wedding." Relieved sight from HCP who said, "I'll put you down as a social drinker then."

When DH related it to the doctor he later saw they had a good laugh about it. For some reason the doctor actually believed him.

Thoosa · 07/04/2022 12:56

@SolasAnla

You strong, intelligent woman in your 40s engaged in acts of sexual reproduction.

The doctors are aware that no form of birth control is 100% effective.

If you are christian abstinence is no guarantees either🤷🏼‍♀️

What?

Abstinence has the same effect regardless of religion. Confused

Proper abstinence, in other words “abstaining”. I’ve often gone several months without sex, even when married and i wouldn’t expect to be argued with by a medic on the basis I was married.