To think support for new mums in the UK is actually a bit crap?

[WestminsterCrabby]

Been thinking a lot about this recently (My DD is almost 8 months now)

I struggled with anxiety and depression when I was pregnant, and although my midwives were lovely there wasn't a lot of support available. No in person ante natal classes or anything. I cant fault the care I received during my labour which I'm extremely grateful for given the recent news. But once DD was born, I felt sort of... abandoned?

I'm sure this is a pretty standard tale, but I was wheeled down to the post natal ward and just left there. They said DH had to go because of covid rules which I understand but I pretty much cried that entire first night and nobody checked on me despite the fact that I was meant to be having my high blood pressure monitored every 2 hours. Even though I was delighted that DD was here I still feel quite sad thinking back to how overwhelmed and lonely I was that first night.

After we came home, the HV came a few times to weigh her but after a few weeks she said she would come again when DD was 1 unless we needed anything.

Obviously she had her vaccinations and I tried to ask the nurse a few questions I had but she was quite dismissive.

I'm probably being over the top, but it's just felt like going through this massive change with absolutely no help whatsoever, other than google, no way of telling whether my baby is doing okay or not? My mum said when she had me the HV would come every month and they monitored mine and her progress very closely.

AIBU to think in a country like the UK we could do better for new mums?

Yanbu op.

I had a baby 5 weeks ago and feel i have to chase up everything and support is very poor. The HV did a zoom call and talked about nothing relevant. Mostly was interested in mine and DHs jobs she is now uncontactable.

I was discharged from midwife care and found out from the internet my babies weight gain is classified as failure to thrive. All i have is an email address for the HV... who wont answer while i am trying to BF, pump and am needing to give formula top ups. Its incredibly difficult i dont know what to do to for the best. After a lot of chasing I managed to get an appointment with BF support in my area which was another fucking zoom. My latch looks fine apparently all she could see was the back of my babies head. 30 mins later she basically said bye and good luck!
Its just bullshit. If they want to push and guilt you around breast feeding they should at least offer some support and correct information.

I was given what i now know to be terrible advice for the first 72 hours PP by hospital midwives. I am still so angry about it

YANBU

I think post natal care is awful. Especially in hospital. Hospitals are understaffed, so they make you stay in for days after the birth but basically leave you on your own to support the baby. When you are knackered, physically in pain and emotionally wrung out. It's awful. I doubt for any other hospital procedure they'd operate (I had a c-section) and then say, great, no sleeping now. You have have to feed this infant every three hours, and in between rock it to sleep, change it's nappy and it might want to be held all the time. Oh and also your partner can't stay to help and we don't have any help for you either. Honestly one of the worst experiences and a terrible start to motherhood.

In 2017 after getting out of hospital however, I had a lot of support. Most of it I had to find on my own, but it was there. There was a health visitor run drop in group where you could get baby weighed and discuss concerns. There was the bf trust, infant support groups, local drop in sessions. I used them all.

None of that was there in 2020. I was ok because it was my second baby (who was actually a lot easier than the first). But I saw a health visitor in person once, and don't have any mum friends from my second baby, apart from my neighbour who had a baby a few months before me. Even weighing appointments have to be booked in via our doctors as there are no weigh in clinics any more. You can't rock up somewhere and see a load of other people in the same situation and have a chat. I dread to think how isolating and alone felt, especially those who had their first babies. It's really sad.

Oh i can't even get the baby weighed... you have to text to book and they wont respond.

@AHungryCaterpillar

Well then this is to do with Covid not general support, my hv clinic was weekly you could attend whenever you wanted; also baby groups for support.

Covid's been going on for 2 years now. Babies born at the start of Covid are now 2 year-olds running around. kids who were toddlers at the start of Covid are getting ready to start school. Whatever we accepted at the start of Covid assuming it was just temporary has now become the norm for a whole cohort of new parents, and the only thing they've ever known. And certainly some areas don't seem in any hurry to go back to the pre-Covid system.

@Templeblossom

Also sorry, the midwife does NOT attend 10 days post-birth, that sounds amazing but mine only came once to check my stitches!

Sorry that should be up to10days.
Appreciate they arent going to be there everyday.
Surely you can call them if there is an issue though?

But you don’t always know there is an issue (ie jaundice is easy to miss) or sometimes it’s a tiny issue that you don’t want to bother a midwife about (ie colour of baby’s nappies)

YANBU
My first is 8 and the change in support because of huge cuts under the Tories is so noticeable.
With my first we had a lovely new mums group run by the health visiting team (talk to any health visiting team and they'll tell you how much they miss all this softer preventative stuff now their roles have been changed so much). A free 0-1s surestart play group where the babies did little learning journals with photos it was so cute. And then groups like messy play, starting solids workshops, etc all run through sure start. There was a real mix of mums and dads attending, from all different economic groups and backgrounds which I think benefitted us all. There were several weigh in clinics i could attend and even things going forwards there were things like a behaviour drop in where I could discuss any worries with a families worker. There were sensory rooms we could book for half an hour and lots of stay and play sessions. All those services meant that when PND hit I had an amazing support network.
Second child 4 years later and sevices completely decimated. One 0-5s play group. No groups for new mums with their newborns. One fortnightly weigh clinic locally. Surestart closed. No drop in stay and plays etc.
Thurs child another 4 years on and its even worse.
It's so sad because everyone knows how important the early years are and how vulnerable new parents and babies are...there is a lot of rhetoric but the services just aren't there.

It's all very well saying that you can make an appointment with the health visitor, but quite often a struggling new mum (or just a mum with a baby) wont prioritise this. Looking back I was very unwel and unhappy with my first. My HV went on maternity leave herself and while I attended the weigh in clinics every couple of weeks it was with a different inexperienced person every week. If I'd had some continuity I think how u well I was would have been picked up. Next time round I knew what to look out for and got help early, but this was during the pandemic and I had to fight to be seen and treated. Even now I've been given meds, had one follow up call with my GP and HV and left to it until 6 months. I have pulled myself back from the brink a few times. Maybe my partner could do more, but he already does more than the average and has his own stuff going on (health, worrying about family finances, etc) so I don't think it's fair or realistic to say "what about the dad?"

@AHungryCaterpillar

Well then this is to do with Covid not general support, my hv clinic was weekly you could attend whenever you wanted; also baby groups for support.

This is naive. Many of the HV/postnatal services reduced because of covid will not be reinstated because of logistics (venues lost or closed, staff shortages) or financial cutbacks.

It might be that covid has triggered a reduction in support but it is very much an ongoing issue and was in decline before March 2020

I missed the jaundice in my first child. We'd been in hospital 5 days, I'd asked for her to be checked for jaundice before she left, as she looked a bit yellow to me, they said she was fine.

HV came 2 days later (was supposed to be next day but they'd somehow not booked us in when we were discharged. We chased because I needed stiches removed), took one look at baby and sent us straight back to hopsital. In for another 3 days while she was treated for jaundice.

It is so worrying that these things will be missed now. As a new parent, you have no idea what you don't know.

I can only go off when I had my own children, my youngest is 4 there was still support, it’s a shame there isn’t much now but would I want monthly visits from the hv? Absolutely not.

Reading the post-covid baby experience sounds like my pre-covid baby experience! My youngest is 8 and I was told to weigh her by us both being on the scales and deducting my weight. One midwife visit then one HV visit. Took her in for jabs. That was it.

Thank god for google (or rather, Mumsnet!)

When ours were small the HV came every week for several months (no issues, it was normal) then we went to clinic to weigh every week.

Our grandson was born in lockdown. Mum and dad have seen HV once and were given a mobile number in case they needed anything. It’s actually worked well for them. Their child is thriving. I asked the other day how much he weighed, they didn’t know but he’s clearly healthy. If he has a medical issue, they call the doctor for advice.
They’re much more relaxed and happy than we were in the first year or two, which for us were overly-regimented and obsessed with charts and figures.

I can see, though, how difficult post-Covid child raising is for people with problems or without a supportive partner/family.

In fact when I had mine they had started doing PREbirth visits which I found really over the top! But it was a chance to get to know the hv before you had your baby. Maybe it depends on the area?

@Totalwasteofpaper

Oh i can't even get the baby weighed... you have to text to book and they wont respond.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this Total. I don't know where you are so impossible to advise, but you have to keep pushing. Phone your doctors if you are not getting help via any other avenue. If you are worried about her weight you need to be seen (easy to say, I know).

It should be so much easier than this for you.

AHungryCaterpillar

In fact when I had mine they had started doing PREbirth visits which I found really over the top! But it was a chance to get to know the hv before you had your baby. Maybe it depends on the area?“

Ours too (cornwall). We had a lovely garden and I think she enjoyed the break/ coffee

You are absolutely not BU, OP. It’s a shame several posters here are hard of reading, have wilfully misread your post, or assume that things are the same as they were when they had their children. Covid and ten years of tories have decimated support for new mums. I had my first six months ago and it’s just dire. There were no antenatal classes in my area, either private or NHS, but my midwife was hassling me to sign up for some. Which classes can I sign up to if there aren’t any running??? She was very quick to discharge after I came home even though I already had been diagnosed with PND and PNA. Drop in baby clinics aren’t running ‘because of covid’ 🙄 so you have to book in through the duty HV line which isn’t always answered. GPs are happy to diagnose based on my own Googling so I don’t have to take dd into the surgery.

And no, I couldn’t have asked my own mum because she died four weeks before I gave birth. I don’t have family to ask for guidance.

Hugs to you OP - well done for getting through a hard time.

YANBU care for new mums seems to be worse now than 30 years ago.
I had a pretty brutal birth ending in an emcs and the emergency care was faultless but anything since had been awful. Discharged 20 hrs after a section, barely able to get myself out of bed never mind look after a baby.
A midwife came the next day and other than bringing her to be weighed at day 5 that was basically it.
When people say ‘ask your health visitor’ I’m always really amazed by what that even means! I had someone call me twice in early weeks, the second time was booked in and the call was days later instead with no mention. Phone calls were 2 mins each. I don’t even know her name or know how I would contact her?

Women used to be in hospital for a week, and have checks every day after for a period of time. No none of that happens, women often live further from family so have no support when the partner returns to work and there is less formal support than ever. It’s no wonder so many new mums struggle.

Well then this is to do with Covid not general support, my hv clinic was weekly you could attend whenever you wanted; also baby groups for support
We had weekly clinics available in 2017. Multiple clinics per week actually if you were willing to travel to nearby towns and villages.

In 2019 when my friend had a baby, the clinics had been changed to once a month. Nothing to do with covid, just funding cuts and staffing issues.

Definitely YANBU, I was amazed at the level of support I got pre-birth then after it's been a bit crap. Even the appointments I did have seemed very much that they just need to tick a box in the way the questions are asked. We do still have a Children's Centre in our town and I've been to a couple of groups there but they're just like the stay and play sessions really, no baby clinics running at all. But this is what happens when people vote for a party who have consistently shown they don't care about social care, health and education.

No clinics here at the moment. Completely different to 3 years ago when I had first. Also had to go to midwife at 5 days post section as they couldn't come to me! Was really difficult. Luckily built a network after first which has helped but has still been difficult and lonely and I really feel for first time mums.

Ante natal support is poor full stop. After my still birth last year I was completely abandoned by the health care team. It badly needs addressed.

Post natal I meant

I had children 10,6 and 4 years ago and it was pretty crap then. 10 years ago there was still a weekly or fortnightly HV clinic but they routinely made me feel like shit and I’ve no idea what it was actually for. But there was an HCA led breastfeeding group, without which I wouldn’t have breastfed at all (discharged mostly formula feeding, have breastfed now for most of those 10 years).

Without family support- and I didn’t have any - it is incredibly hard to get support and information and (ime) the moment the post natal wobbles start, the harder it is to find the support. Post and during covid - a horror show.

@Chasingaftermidnight

I think Covid has made it incredibly difficult for new mums. When my first was born there were plenty of home visits from midwives and HVs, walk-in HV baby clinics every week, breastfeeding support clinics, baby groups, etc. I had PND and a lot of anxiety and found it all invaluable.

Second time round, far fewer baby groups, breastfeeding clinic is appointment only, as is baby clinic (and you need to have a specific concern for them to see you). I’m fortunate that I’ve had a much easier time second time round so haven’t really needed them. But I really feel for first time mums who’ve had their babies since covid arrived.

I think Covid has definitely made things worse but also that a lot of existing issues and cuts are now being blamed on Covid. I definitely saw even less of HCPs after I had my second in 2021 than my first in 2018, but the HV team in my area have this whole narrative about all the wonderful things they would 'normally' do if it weren't for Covid I and I don't recognise this at all. I think it's been a long time, if ever, since they operated 'ideally'.

Yes it is and this is acknowledged by the NICE guidelines but money talks.

I am hoping to set up a drop in support group in September (I used to help run one pre-covid) for new mums but given that I also work and have my own children alongside doing some postnatal studies in my spare time, it is not easy!

Also I would like it to be free but most places charge hall fees and community cafes like the one I used to use are few and far between and not ideal to offer breastfeeding support given they are also public places.

10 years ago I was a fairly isolated new mums and the sure start centre was a lifeline. These are now mostly closed or targeted at families who need the most support and it's a real shame.