To think weddings have become a money making racket?

[malificent7]

I can't wait to get married to my fiance next year but I am astounded with some of the quotes we have recieved:
£2,000 to hire a tythe barn for one evening with nothing else included only licenced till 11)...no.
£25,000 for a glamping wedding venue.

( forget it).
£30 per bottle of prosecco at our chosen wedding venue....it is a beautiful venue and better value than many but i did balk at this....why can't i bring my own? Although we chose it as the surroundings are magical and the food is included and excellent.
Plus all the extravagant hen and stag dos that i will not be having.
We have already paid the deposit for our venue and plan to spread the còst but I am tempted to run away and wed dp and spend the £ on a honeymoon.

Aibu to think that many people are cashing in on weddings and a couple does not need to start their married life in such an expensive way? Plus i have heard that the average price of a wedding is £30,000!

It is almost expected that the couple should have an extravagent do.

There's no obligation to have a reception or lots of guests. That's where the costs add up.

@MrsMoastyToasty

I think that it all changed after 1994 when after only being allowed to marry in church or at a registry office a load of hotels etc applied to be an approved wedding venue. Suddenly it became a commercial venture .

I got married, in church, in 1992. IMO weddings were even more expensive then. Rolls Royce between church and fancy reception venue was the norm for a start and I remember then that "bridal" shoes were double the price of other similar shoes.

Simple weddings done well seem to be much more popular/acceptable now, the option to have a picnic or a pub lunch for a handful is more "normal" than it used to be. If you want the works that's up to you but none of it's compulsory.

The best wedding I've been to recently. Was registry office followed by lunch in a room above a pub with a children's party entertainer, so children and fun and 30 guests could have a good chat.

I don’t get what people spend £30k on. Our wedding - church and hotel cost just under £5k inc dress, cars etc. seriously what are people spending the extra £25k on? We got married in 2015. Does this inc the honeymoon?

It's a little bit silly saying you are under pressure to have an extravagant do.

Do you seriously not have a mind of your own?

One of my friends got married at the Registry Office and went for dinner with his new wife after. They spent a couple of hundred quid in total.

The vast majority of people who get married vow that they would do something smaller and simpler if they did it all again.

My DH has just left to sing at a wedding funnily enough, he's in a four person band. Whilst I'm sure venues do up the prices I also think people can be a bit unrealistic regards costs especially for entertainment, he'll often get told we only want you to sing for a couple of hours, but then we need you to set up at 2/3 hours earlier so as not to disturb the meal then we can let you pack up until 12 invariably the timings run over as well so often the band are actually "working" a lot longer than the two hours of singing, usually it's at least 6 hours sometimes more. They are charging about £850-900 & about to put the prices up to cover increased fuel costs.

Our wedding was £2.5k and such a lovely day had by all. We stayed in a really nice hotel, really good photographer, page boy, flower girls, gorgeous location, confetti and plenty of food and drink for everyone. I loved my monsoon dress. No need at all to spend a fortune although I get this is what some people want to do if they want a more extravagant day.

@OMG12

I don’t get what people spend £30k on. Our wedding - church and hotel cost just under £5k inc dress, cars etc. seriously what are people spending the extra £25k on? We got married in 2015. Does this inc the honeymoon?

We live somewhere very expensive, so the venue + food and an open bar alone cost close to 20k. The there were flowers, dress, suit, favors, DJ, photographer etc.

It wasn't even a massive wedding. I think we had 75 guests.

@Fairyarmpits do you have any indian friends? How many of them had a registry office wedding? Or chinese or jewish etc?

Having said that, I estimate my 2 weddings in 2 different countries will cost £12k in total. The religious ceremony fee alone is £1500!

Three words: Twas Ever Thus.

[quote onlychildhamster]@Fairyarmpits do you have any indian friends? How many of them had a registry office wedding? Or chinese or jewish etc?

Having said that, I estimate my 2 weddings in 2 different countries will cost £12k in total. The religious ceremony fee alone is £1500![/quote]
Yes, I do.

Regardless of ethnicity, it's still a choice. No one says you have to invite 300 friends and family to a sit down meal.

I found a large part of the cost was food and drink. When i host parties i always provide loads of food and drink which, when you factor in maybe a 12 hour day stacks up. We provided a sit down meal, fish and chips (small), evening buffet, canapes and an open bar, the actual costs apart from that were not too bad, however imo much better to spend the ££ on entertaining people, i dont like to think of people being hungry or thirsty!

@Fairyarmpits My mum has 6 siblings so there are 45 immediate family members. Thank goodness DH doesn't have such a big family (though he does have 3 sisters). My wedding is pretty small (50 people) but i pretty much cut out friends. Some people might find that difficult.

I think 300 people is a small indian wedding lol.

@HomeHomeInTheRange NOPE. You'll only get straight up obnoxious bragging from me .

I wanted a big day but on a budget. We hired a room in a beautiful hotel (free as having food) we got married in the venue so saved on transport. Foods the biggest expense we had a hog roast instead of sit down meal as it was half the price, bacon and sausage sarnies instead of evening buffet as again significantly cheaper. We had an ice cream van instead of pudding(half the price)I bought my wedding dress at a discount outlet for £500 and had it altered to fit. We used a student photographer and only had her for 3 hours in the day, my aunt made the cake. I made invites and favours. We got the bridesmaids dresses from Debenhams. There was a dj on the night and we bought games to entertain during the in between bit and I made a sweetie table. My friend did our makeup. I asked for small posys when ordering flowers rather than bridal (so much cheaper) We shopped around for table decorations. we had 100 people to the day and about 150 to the night. it came to £5000 which for a full day wedding with food and entertainment is pretty good. It worked out at £50 a head. We wanted all our family and friends with us so we were happy to cut corners to make sure everyone was included.

It costs a hell of a lot of money, time and effort to run a successful wedding business.

If you don’t want the bells and whistles that’s fine - you do what you want.

[quote onlychildhamster]@Fairyarmpits My mum has 6 siblings so there are 45 immediate family members. Thank goodness DH doesn't have such a big family (though he does have 3 sisters). My wedding is pretty small (50 people) but i pretty much cut out friends. Some people might find that difficult.

I think 300 people is a small indian wedding lol.[/quote]
It's still a choice to invite all of those family members though, isn't it?

You can also decide to invite them to a sit down do at a five star hotel for £££££ or a buffet and a disco at the local village hall.

It's really not necessary for people to bankrupt themselves.

@OMG12

I don’t get what people spend £30k on. Our wedding - church and hotel cost just under £5k inc dress, cars etc. seriously what are people spending the extra £25k on? We got married in 2015. Does this inc the honeymoon?

Usually a lot is the venue, food, accommodation the night before and after, dress, suits, hair makeup, photographer, table decorations, flowers. It adds up quickly if you want a nice day at a nice venue.

Lots of people are agreeing with her that the party is the important bit. They're completely wrong and have bought into this idea that all the extras - meal, venue, dancing, clothes - are key.

Well, arguably the really important part is the one that comes after both those bits - i.e. their married life. But I don't really think you get to decide whether other people find it important to celebrate their wedding in the way they want to with their family and friends. Nobody is forcing anyone to have an expensive, fancy wedding. If people don't want to, that's fine. If they do want to, that's also fine. If they want to, but can't afford it... well, that's life!

My wedding cost about £4.5k (thanks Covid!). Could have been even cheaper but I wanted a fancy ish dress and a cake, and the now husband wanted the traditional church wedding and sit down meal after with the family. I would have been happy with a registry office with just us and a pub dinner! You really don’t have to spend a lot though.

A wedding is about you and family..

The. VERY best wedding I have ever been to was in the back garden of a terraced house ..it even poured with rain but 3 gazebos did the trick..

Neighbours bought a 'dish' .. it was EXACTLY as it used to be.

No. Chairs wearing dresses !. No themes .. just as lot of good will and happiness .. essential wedding fees only.. £528 all in ..

I think the only way we can determine whether weddings have become a moneymaking racket is to compare like with like. Like look at your mum's wedding in the 1970s/1980s and check what that would cost you today:

My MIL's wedding- religious ceremony in the backyard followed by a kosher sit down meal at a hall for 100 people in London in 1989. There was music and dancing. It cost them £3.5k which according to inflation calculators is about £10,000 in today's money. Based on what i know of kosher caterers who can easily charge £80 per head, I highly doubt you can have a wedding like hers for £10k today...

@Fairyarmpits Incidentally, I did have a 7 course banquet meal at a 5 star hotel for my family members but it wasn't in the UK (though it was in the second most expensive city in the world! But I think I got a good deal and there is an oversupply of hotels in my home country). It cost around £4000 for the hotel package for 50 people and they all brought cash gifts which more than covered the cost of the banquet. I didn't spend too much on the extras and my cousins/sister helped out with the decor. Didn't have a videographer but we did have a photographer. My dress was £500 from a dressmaker and I also rented a cheongsam gown for the equivalent of £350.

My UK 'budget' ceremony will cost me more than the 5 star hotel wedding! Which blows my mind.

@Fairyarmpits Actually I 'made money' on the wedding in the 5 star hotel which sounds very weird, but its just what happened. I dont think most couples in my home country make money but for some reason I did. Maybe its because my family members are extra generous.... Not having the wedding in the 5 star hotel for all my family members would have meant that I would have been poorer!

Don't get quotes from glamping sites and tythe barns then!!

Village hall, buffet, jobs a good 'un.

www.refinery29.com/en-gb/wedding-cost-breakdown-who-paid#slide-9

Interesting article. It seems like for anything above £10k, the parents overwhelmingly paid. Maybe the £30k weddings are paid for by parents who don't have very many children and have a very different view of the 'value' of £30k; given many of them have seen their homes go up by hundreds of thousands (this is the case in both UK/USA). As for housing deposits, maybe the parents pay for that too! After all, 34% of FTB have help from parents and that doesn't even includes the ones that provide rent free accommodation.

I think all this just highlights inequality. People with the 'right parents' and 'family' (I put myself in this equation as DH and I benefited from rent free accommodation to save our deposit and generous family members who gave me large cash gifts on my wedding day) get luxury weddings and house deposits while the poor struggle even with energy bills and food for their kids, never mind about weddings and housing deposits. Inequality has been getting worse since the 1980s and this is a global phenomenon. Thats why some things which were traditional rites of passage- weddings, first home, university are outrageously expensive and the average person wonders how anyone can afford it all; but its not very much money to a lot of people.