To think weddings have become a money making racket?

[malificent7]

I can't wait to get married to my fiance next year but I am astounded with some of the quotes we have recieved:
£2,000 to hire a tythe barn for one evening with nothing else included only licenced till 11)...no.
£25,000 for a glamping wedding venue.

( forget it).
£30 per bottle of prosecco at our chosen wedding venue....it is a beautiful venue and better value than many but i did balk at this....why can't i bring my own? Although we chose it as the surroundings are magical and the food is included and excellent.
Plus all the extravagant hen and stag dos that i will not be having.
We have already paid the deposit for our venue and plan to spread the còst but I am tempted to run away and wed dp and spend the £ on a honeymoon.

Aibu to think that many people are cashing in on weddings and a couple does not need to start their married life in such an expensive way? Plus i have heard that the average price of a wedding is £30,000!

It is almost expected that the couple should have an extravagent do.

If I only send a couple of emails to my venue coordinator and have one consultation with the cake baker, do I get it cheaper 🤔

It's definitely a racket! If people pay, prices stay high. That's all there is to it really. I expect it get even more expensive with general running costs increasing.

The idea of a big white wedding utterly terrifies me. Probably my dad too who would be expected to do the speech. I'm glad the feeling is mutual for my partner. I've just never seen the appeal, but we are both quite shy.

We aren't married but I think we would not spend more than 1k. Any more than that seems too much. I think I would just get civvied and then go to a local posh beach front Inn for dinner near me with just my immediate family and pay for them to stay over. Perfect. I would tell them it's an anniversary dinner too so they don't fleece us. 😂

@ColdSeptember I did the legal bit in 2015 (just the two of us in the registry office with the witnesses); we were young and DH was still doing his masters, he had skipped meals for a month to buy my ring with student loan money so the fancy wedding wasn't even on the cards for us. But we wanted to be together.

Years later after we saved up and bought our flat, we did the fancy wedding (and will be doing a uk religious ceremony- I could only do this after I converted anyway). These weddings were also unnecessarily delayed due to covid. My experience is that while the legal bit is really important, family and friends will not feel like you are 'married' unless they have attended your wedding. I don't think its just the wedding industry, its also religious/cultural. its not about how fancy the dress is or how much it costs; what matters is the important people in your life coming together to celebrate. however, the problem is when you involve people, people are going to have opinions on how the wedding should look like. You can choose not to take that on board but a lot also depends on the family dynamic. So that may or may not cost you money.

For example for my wedding ceremony, i had a bridal car. I still don't understand why I needed a bridal car, the wedding was at a hotel (and the photographer came straight to the hotel) so precisely no one saw the car (as everyone had to park in the hotel carpark rather than up front). It didn't cost very much, my sister bought lots of artificial flowers online and my sis did the decor, my father's car is a Mercedes so it was deemed decent enough. My sister said I absolutely needed to have a bridal car and there wasn't much room for argument honestly. I think that if my dad didn't drive a mercedes, she would probably have rented one which would have added to the overall cost significantly. what i learnt from this is how wedding costs can spiral esp when family is involved.

I find it shocking that people are prepared to get into debt and/or spend £1000s that could be used for a house deposit on one day!

Getting into debt is optional. Not everybody needs a house deposit.

Think the venues are trying to claw back all the money they lost during covid

Probably true to a degree, it's been an incredibly tough time for the wedding industry over the last two years, and they are still feeling it now. But also costs are skyrocketing - especially food and fuel prices, plus there's a huge lack of staff in the hospitality industry (due to the combination of Brexit and covid). Those increased costs will be passed on to the customer, as they are in other industries as well.

This is literally how it's always been. We got married 6 years ago, mid-range venue (so above a hotel but not a mansion sort of thing). Venue hire in winter - £3000. So just the venue. You could bring your own alcohol... And then pay £10 a bottle corkage fee. We did this as it was still marginally cheaper than what they'd provide but the knowledge we'd paid nearly £300 just in corkage fees was disgusting 🤦🏻‍♀️

Weddings cost as much as you spend on them.

This. Our wedding cost £1k (in the last decade). It was small and low key, because that's what we wanted. It 's never been mandatory to have a big wedding or to spend ££££.

@Sharrowgirl

They haven’t become it, they always have been.

I married 1990. People didn’t spend the equivalent of £20-30k if they were of average young couple earnings. Wealthy families where Daddy was paying…maybe . Most weddings I was involved in cost about 1-2 months salary combined. People didn’t save to get married, they certainly didn’t not get married because they couldn’t afford it. All my cohorts weddings ( uni educated in the main, young professionals) were the church/registry office (weren’t other options then) ceremony, then a single event consisting of sit down meal and then music/dancing after, wrapping up around 11pm latest as B&G typically left for honeymoon early evening or by 10pm. Some finished even earlier. There weren’t elaborate themes…yes flowers etc, but a Lot of them were in church/village halls where they’d done DIY decor . No wedding planners in sight. A small local 1 night stag do. No hen do (was seen as American thing). Wedding usually local to bride or her family- didn’t know anyone who opted for a fancy location- couldn’t afford it. At my wedding I went to one shop and ordered “wedding bouquet “ they were going to charge me £10 more than a bouguet I’d got a few weeks earlier to give to someone. I walked out. Went to next shop and order a bouquet without stating it was wedding and got at normal price. So even then there was an element of mark up if suppliers twigged it was a wedding Back then the wedding was mostly about the ceremony, and then the honeymoon ….the rest was not so much the biggest and best party of my life, but a celebration of ceremony and feeding people who’d not eaten since breakfast! Social media made a massive change. Everyone comparing themselves to everyone else. Expectations that it will be the best “party” ever and “unique” are meaning people spend ridiculous amounts of money sometimes.

Laughing at all the people who have said "they always have been expensive" and then referred back to their wedding in the early 2000s as an example! I think "always" goes back a biiiiit further than that.
There's a huge difference in my family in the most recent generations who mainly have had and attended very expensive weddings despite everyone being on very normal salaries, and the previous generations' weddings in the 30s,50s and 80s which were way more low key.

Although if my anecdata isn't relevant enough actual statistics show the cost of the average wedding in the uk increased by more than 50% in just a decade (before covid) www.statista.com/statistics/932871/average-wedding-cost-united-kingdom/

So for all your "expensive" 2003 weddings they would have cost nearly double if you were having them today, sorry!

My boss is having what I would describe as a "circus" of a wedding. There is no expense spared for that, the weeks "celebrations" prior. the honeymoon and the 2 engagement parties they had. Problem is: he can't see he's marrying a gold digger (everyone else can).

I give it a year.

How much you spend on a wedding is no correlation to how happy you will be.

My advice: do what you WANT to do. If you're worrying about the cost it will spoil the day. Do it YOUR way - not what you think family/society expects. Follow your instincts.

@mummabubs

This is literally how it's always been. We got married 6 years ago, mid-range venue (so above a hotel but not a mansion sort of thing). Venue hire in winter - £3000. So just the venue. You could bring your own alcohol... And then pay £10 a bottle corkage fee. We did this as it was still marginally cheaper than what they'd provide but the knowledge we'd paid nearly £300 just in corkage fees was disgusting 🤦🏻‍♀️

I’m just laughing at how I feel when you say “literally how it’s always been” then go on to say 6 years ago…. 6 years…a mere yesterday to me .. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I got married 32 years ago…even that doesn’t seem that long ago 🤷🏼‍♀️

Dd's wedding got cancelled during covid.
She ended up with 15 people no food or drink allowed.
Me and inlaws told them to keep the money we gave for costs and they're thrilled to have bought a new car instead plus have some over.

@latetothefisting

Laughing at all the people who have said "they always have been expensive" and then referred back to their wedding in the early 2000s as an example! I think "always" goes back a biiiiit further than that. There's a huge difference in my family in the most recent generations who mainly have had and attended very expensive weddings despite everyone being on very normal salaries, and the previous generations' weddings in the 30s,50s and 80s which were way more low key.

Although if my anecdata isn't relevant enough actual statistics show the cost of the average wedding in the uk increased by more than 50% in just a decade (before covid) www.statista.com/statistics/932871/average-wedding-cost-united-kingdom/

So for all your "expensive" 2003 weddings they would have cost nearly double if you were having them today, sorry!

Snap 👍

You can spend as much as you like on a wedding , but it is not compulsory. The nicest places can charge more but there are now so many options , from village halls to castles. Some of the best venues are very popular but of course most couples want weekends in the peak season. Try a Thursday in mid Feb and you can probably get a great deal!

My wedding cost £13k, and we included food and a free bar from Friday to Sunday. DIY venue with no corkage fees, hired external bar staff and caterers, and did mega orders of catering platters from Tesco.

Everyone was stuff to the gizzards and drunk as lords the whole weekend. Spare booze was taken away by guests and spare food went to the homeless/food banks.

Don't organise a wedding. Organise a party and add in a ceremony.

I have always been staggered that the AVERAGE wedding is nearly £30K!

Where do people get this sort of money from. That is a lovely deposit to put down on a house. Yet I think it many weddings far too many people get involved and give their view.

Parents - dont forget to invite Aunt Mavis and someone will need to pick her up
Bride - I must have a designer dress - budget £2k
Groom - huge stag night perhaps abroad which is pointless as most stag do's involve men getting blind drunk and not leaving the bars
Friends - I want to be a bridemaid
Relatives with children - Dolly would LOVE to be a flower girl
Make Up and Hair - must be a professional and come to the venue and potentially be a guest too! If I had done this my hairdresser would have charged £350. I went to him just before the wedding. On my own and drove myself to the wedding venue.

Its just endless nonsense and the divorce rate is 50%. Just why do people do it. Clearly there are few people who can pay £30k and not take a hit on their finances.

I got married in a new venue just as the law changed. No bridesmaid's, late afternoon wedding, 5 star venue with a * starred chef. No cars because we didnt go anwhere, we stayed there for both the wedding and the venue, BUT we only had 25 people which was the policy of the hotel. That is what made the biggest difference. Inviting relatives who you dont see from one year to the next seems crazy.

I truly think that couples are barmy to spend this sort of amount if they cannot afford it and beg and borrow money.

You could bring your own alcohol... And then pay £10 a bottle corkage fee. We did this as it was still marginally cheaper than what they'd provide but the knowledge we'd paid nearly £300 just in corkage fees was disgusting

Corkage is a normal thing in hospitality. Surely you knew the costs when booking the venue? Your choice whether to accept this or not. You chose to accept it.

You're perhaps also forgetting that there's still a cost to the venue of providing glasses, storing and serving wine (waiter costs) plus clearing and washing up. Should the business just provide all this for free? Plus there's also the fact that venue will make a profit on the sale of 30 bottles of wine, but by providing your own wine, they've lost that opportunity.

While corkage can be quite high, is was still cheaper for you, and I certainly wouldn't call it disgusting. At the end of day, they're a business looking to make a profit, not a free service because it's your wedding day.

I'm not sure whether to post or not...ah well, here goes.
Made own wedding dress and cake, Mum terminally ill , so only 10 in wedding party, sit down lunch, no dancing etc. Off on honeymoon at 5.00 Job done

@FridayBluezzzz

My friend had a very small casual wedding. They were going to registry office and for a meal, not even getting that dressed up. They had booked the restaurant for lunch for 6 and when she called back to confirm numbers she mentioned something about the wedding they told her they would have to add £200 to the bill. They were asking for no special treatment at all. Obviously she cancelled and just booked somewhere else and didn’t tell them. Bonkers.

I don't think that's a completely unreasonable stance by the restaurant to be honest.

From friends in the industry, wedding parties are an absolute pain when food is your main profit driver. A standard cover is done and dusted in a certain amount of time whereas the average wedding party is usually there for the long haul. Even allowing for drinks, they reduce turnover for the restaurant.

Could the rise in wedding costs be due to the fact that weddings (and even marriage) are pretty much optional these days in the uk context?

Like unless you are from an ethnic minority where the culture is more traditional/wedding-centric (and usually for such cultures, there are other ways of financing a wedding whether through the relatives/guests/parents etc), most people cohabitate before marriage and many people would presumably be happy to continue doing that if they can't afford the instagram perfect wedding.

I know a lot of people who marry for inheritance tax reasons, but if you don't have any assets, that presumably isn't much of a problem. Could it be that weddings (I am aware this is a generalization and many people don't fit the mold) are increasingly becoming a luxury for the middle class who come from comfortable backgrounds that mean that they benefit from parental help despite having normal salaries. In the past, everyone got married whether they were rich or poor.

Why do people keep saying a registry office wedding is only £50, our registry office is £857 and goes up to £1200 if you want a more lavish room.

Having sat next to a wedding party a few years ago when DH and myself went out to dinner I agree with Freddy. They overspilled over into our table - lucky us we were next to them! Probably about 15-20 of them.

The kids were getting more and more kranky and the adults were getting more and more drunk. In the end we complained to the restaurant and they gave us a free meal at another time.

Onlychild - please dont think that people get married for Inheirtance Tax reasons. Marriage gives you all sorts of legal rights.

It’s easily done to spend more than you want to!

I’ve been married before so this time wanted to avoid some of the more wedding-y venues with packages and minimum numbers. I am well aware of how costs spiral and I was keen to have a small registry office ceremony and then a nice meal with just parents and siblings.

However my partner would like to have a party, and it’s his wedding too.

Chose a lovely hall, thinking I could have a bit more control over things. They had a list of catering companies, checked prices and all looked reasonable.

Booked…and now the catering companies are all mentioning minimum numbers. Could use a different company but then need to pay an additional fee.

Chose a Saturday because it’s easier for travelling guests, but of course that will come with a premium on all other costs.

Was just going to have an evening do, but lots of guests travelling and many with children, decided to have a later afternoon wedding.

It just spirals!

We can afford it, I’m just going with it and I’m happy about it now, but the first time around I was beyond stressed at this stage.

19 years ago for me and it was the same. I also had the ‘why can’t I bring my own wine’ conversation. And FB was but a twinkle in Zuckenbergs eye, so wasn’t doing it for the likes.

Costs as much as you want to spend.