To think weddings have become a money making racket?

[malificent7]

I can't wait to get married to my fiance next year but I am astounded with some of the quotes we have recieved:
£2,000 to hire a tythe barn for one evening with nothing else included only licenced till 11)...no.
£25,000 for a glamping wedding venue.

( forget it).
£30 per bottle of prosecco at our chosen wedding venue....it is a beautiful venue and better value than many but i did balk at this....why can't i bring my own? Although we chose it as the surroundings are magical and the food is included and excellent.
Plus all the extravagant hen and stag dos that i will not be having.
We have already paid the deposit for our venue and plan to spread the còst but I am tempted to run away and wed dp and spend the £ on a honeymoon.

Aibu to think that many people are cashing in on weddings and a couple does not need to start their married life in such an expensive way? Plus i have heard that the average price of a wedding is £30,000!

It is almost expected that the couple should have an extravagent do.

Not a new thing at all!

Decades ago, before dh and I got hitched, I well remember looking askance at the Brides magazines belonging to a Canadian cousin of dh who was staying with Pils. . So many expensive extras seemed to be the norm.
Ours was relatively simple but a brilliant day anyway.,

It’s big business - plenty of people only too willing to persuade you that this or that is a ‘must’ and relieve you of your money.,,

The nicest wedding we’ve attended in the past few years was in the village church, followed by fizz and then afternoon tea in the village hall - tables laid with pretty, mismatched china from junk/charity shops - garden flowers donated by friends/neighbours in teapots.
There was a disco and hot meal later.

Question- how is the average wedding £30k when so many people talk about their wedding costing less than £10k or even £5k. I thought people on mumsnet seemed richer than average?

I mean, most indian and jewish weddings would not be able to keep to a lower budget simply because inviting lots of guests would be expensive no matter how you spin it...But surely this should be the minority of weddings in the UK? But maybe they elevate the average?

I well remember looking askance at the Brides magazines belonging to a Canadian cousin of dh who was staying with Pils. . So many expensive extras seemed to be the norm

Yes, that's part of what I meant by the rise of the internet - it spread new (and expensive!) ideas round the globe.

Who expects it? My husband paid for a huge wedding for us as he was keeping up with his family tradition to out-do each other. It was beautiful but now we're in debt. A wedding can cost £50 at a registry office but it's all about the party and impressing your peers. My family never valued weddings and are very small so for me the registry would have done, but not for him!

Where is that £30k average figure from? I would suspect an industry based small survey. I wouldn’t take that as gospel.

It's so easy to rack up the costs though. My venue with food, free flowing drinks packages and late night bar licence is £10k. It's the £1500 photographer, £500 band, plus the dresses, suits, shows, flowers, rings, hair and makeup, centrepieces, wedding favours, wedding insurance, transport etc that adds all the expenses on. I did a lot of things myself but at the end of the day, some things were worth paying someone else to sort.

You as the couple want to enjoy your day and the days before. You don't want to be stressing out with a hot glue gun trying to make decorations or favours.

A huge focus for us was to have all our friends and family around us on the day. My family alone took the numbers to well over 50 so add in his family and all our friends our numbers were easily 150. So that all adds massively to the cost as you're catering for large numbers and need a bigger venue etc.

At the end of the day, a wedding is exactly what you want it to be. If you want to spend thousands, you can, if you want it cheap and cheerful, you can!

It's not just for the two people getting married, it has become crazy expensive to even attend a wedding these days. The last one I went to was 5 years ago and was a close friend whose parents paid for the whole thing. She had 3 Hen Dos. Inc a 7 day trip to Las bloody Vegas (I didn't go to that one) I did go to the weekend in the lakes which cost about £500 and also her meal which was about £100 as we all chipped in for her and had to pay for decorations, games etc
Then the actual wedding. Outfits for all of us, hotel, wedding gift (asked for contributions to Honeymoon)
Reckon all in we spent £1500 on it, actually more if I broke it all down
It ending up being quite a soulless affair. Food was terrible despite being pricey (we were all starving come midnight) and it just lacked any atmosphere. All a bit pretentious
I actually enjoyed the wedding I went to the year before more. They got married in a small church then had the meal at a lovely bistro pub. Just 25 of us in a private room and you just ordered from the normal menu meaning you got to choose what you wanted to eat
Then they had the reception at a nearby place on the evening for loads more people and their friends made all the food
It was just so much more chilled and enjoyable. Cost them hardly anything when you compare it to my friends

If the demand wasnt there, the prices would have to come down, like everything else.
Also you have to ask yourself how much of it is to try and impress and out do others ? Seems very competative.
l didnt buy into it, l didn' t want the big white wedding, had a very small and intimate wedding on xmas eve of all days, did it on a shoestring budget and no regrets.

£2,000 to hire a tythe barn for one evening with nothing else included only licenced till 11

Expect for the electricity, water, gas, the building insurance, public liability insurance, licenses to serve alcohol/ wedding venue license, the staff that will be there to open/close/make sure nothing illegal is happening...etc This all costs money.

At the end of the day wedding events are a business. Of course a business needs to make money.
You don't have to spend £30k on a wedding. You don't have to spend money on a hen/stag do.

I got married 18 years ago and this was already the case. It is possible to keep the costs down though.

I cater weddings and I think the reason I'm so busy is because I don't charge ridiculous amounts of money. My buffets are the same price no matter what event I'm catering for as I don't believe in ripping people off.

Everything is continually becoming bigger and 'better' - just another way of some people making money off the insecurities of others. It starts before birth with stupid gender reveals with balloons and specially baked cakes, all wrapped up for instagram including new outfits and glitter.

TBH, it;s as cheap or expensive as you make it, but all the excess for ONE day, is a bit ridiculous.

I honestly recommdnd finding a nice restaurant with an upstairs /downstairs for dancing and hiring it out

It saved us tens of thousands

@Sharrowgirl

They haven’t become it, they always have been.

No they haven’t. My traditional wedding in 1990 cost the equivalent of £3.5k in today’s money - the cost just of the dress for many today.

My parents were married in the 60's and they spent more than DH & I. They had an extravagant wedding.

We ran away (although carefully planned for months ahead of time) and married in Europe just the 2 of us, then we travelled for a long time, it was bliss.

We had beautiful wedding attire, a lovely venue and an excellent photographer. Those were our priorities. Hope you have a lovely wedding.

There is a problem with some venues and suppliers charging way more for a wedding cake/photos/flowers/food/entertainment, than they would for an identical service provided for e.g. a birthday party.

I think the other issue is there are so many "must haves" these days- off the top of my head things like money behind the bar, multiple bridesmaids, sweet carts, special bridal dressing gowns, 2 professional photographers, a videographer, a big hen party, a 2 night stay in a hotel... most of these things could be done much cheaper or just skipped but they've become an expectation for some people.

I also think it gets harder as you get older as you are competing to be different amongst all the other weddings. We were the first of our friendship groups to get married so there was no prior expectation or comparison to others

Depends whether you want to get married or hold a celebration. If you want a celebration you need a big enough space, food etc and it all adds up.

If it's what you want then you should do it. Loads of people say it's the best day of their life. But it comes at a cost if you go in for all the hype of having the best dress, the best venue, the best flowers...might as well get the best favours and best everything else too. That's how it spirals.

My sister costed up how much her perfect wedding would be, her "ok" wedding and a registry. In the end she decided there was no point going mid-tier as it was still expensive so she went basic registry and spent the rest of the money on a new kitchen and a holiday of a lifetime.

My advice is do the same, work out your budget, see what you can get and see if the wedding you can afford is still what you want to do with the money.

We've been married 18 years this year. The wedding (ceremony, breakfast, evening do, DJ & cake) was £2500.

Our parents paid for suit & dress hire, flowers, car, table decorations and photos. That all came in at just over £1000.

Dad made our actual wedding cake so for the one in the package we got a three tier chocolate cake - dark, milk & white - for the evening guests.

My cousin got married 10 years ago. Theirs cost £30,000. Madness.

Yes weddings cost as much as you want to spend, from a hotel all inclusive option costing ££££, to church/village hall with diy food.

The best two weddings I attended covered each end of the spectrum:

-a no expense spared wedding in Germany following local customs
-then a wedding on a shoestring in church & village hall within a national park. Bring your own booze, family supplied the food, friends did the photos, music and flowers.

Both were stunning visually and very instagram-able!

Maybe try the Hitched website for ideas?

At the end of the day wedding events are a business. Of course a business needs to make money. You don't have to spend £30k on a wedding. You don't have to spend money on a hen/stag do

Absolutely! No one is forcing you to spend money on a particular venue/cake/dress. I work in the wedding industry. If I couldn't make a living from it, I would go and do something else instead. It's amazing how many brides think you should add 'extras' on, but not charge for them, but do it for free as a favour, because it's their big day. I know a lot of wedding suppliers, and none of them are rich!

Of course, suppliers want to help make the day special for the bride and groom. But that comes at a cost. Up to you if you choose to spend it, or go elsewhere.

There is a problem with some venues and suppliers charging way more for a wedding cake/photos/flowers/food/entertainment, than they would for an identical service provided for e.g. a birthday party

But often it's not an identical service. Eg for a birthday party, the hours are likely to be fewer, the staffing levels less etc. Flowers may be specially ordered in for a wedding, as opposed to what's in season, and require delivery some distance away, and at a particular time. Plus late, late nights putting together so many displays at one time. I knew of a florist who was at a venue for 10 hours due to the timing of the wedding/where the flowers were to be displayed. Cakes tend to be bigger, more detailed, need delivering and setting up at a particular time.

I make wedding cakes for a living. Yes, I do charge more for weddings. Because the whole process of making a wedding cake takes far longer than making a birthday cake, and costs more. My marketing costs far more for example, and is far more time consuming. I mostly do wedding fairs, this take time, money and I also produce dummy display cakes, and cake samples. Ordering a cake takes far longer for a wedding cake than a birthday cake. Ordering a birthday cake is generally one email or phone call. A wedding cake takes at least one consultation (and often more as brides often change their minds), cake tasting, quotes, often many emails/phone calls, admin etc. Delivery takes generally far longer for a wedding cake - driving to the venue, hanging around waiting for the room to be ready, setting up etc. (most birthday cakes are collected)

Of course, there is an element of supply and demand, as there is in most businesses, but wedding products are generally much more expensive to produce/supply than a birthday 'equivalent'. It's not a racket, or ripping people off.

Duh

Loads of people say it's the best day of their life

That does rather suggest it's been downhill ever since, poor things

It seems every bride and groom opt for expensive and glitzy weddings likened to celebrities.

I agree with other posters that a lot of emphasis seems to be based on sharing photographs on social media.

I have seen 'His and her' chairs, names printed on dance floor, band, fireworks, singers.

Many bride and grooms to be have multiple hen and stag nights, often abroad.

I have been to weddings where bride and groom splash out thousands despite having no deposit for a mortgage, no house.

I have been to weddings where bride and groom cut corners on food and drink in order to have a stunning venue and grounds.

I have been to super expensive weddings (for guests and couple) and shoe string ones. I've had a great time at both. Obviously the super expensive wedding was fabulous with the amazing location and I have great memories but a family member's low key small wedding was just as fun.

I think it's the personal touches which make weddings whether that be the expensive personalised favour or the unusual (not necessarily expensive) location. A friend had a lovely touch where a guest brought the cheese for the evening buffet instead of a "proper" gift.

So do what you want and what you can afford and don't worry about others. And contrary to MN opinion, I think most people don't mind giving cash gifts.