To think parents don't honestly behave like this...

[DumplingsAreRank]

... ahead of the new serious of Waterloo Road (yes, I am that retro) I am rewatching some old series.

One of the kids, Scout, has witnessed her mother walk out with a new bloke for some "alone time" destroying her opportunity to get an education and leaving a 3 year old without a mum.

Parents wouldn't actually do this would they? It's make believe surely

What you really mean op is that you can't believe MOTHERS do this. Men do it all the time and get a round of applause if they see their kid once a month for a Macdonalds. Women get crucified if they drop the ball on having a spotty t shirt for children in need day.

Bit of an exaggeration. The sad fact is that exactly 1/3 of marriages in the UK end up in divorce. That’s a hell of a lot of kids ending up living with just one parent. In the vast majority of cases I expect it’s not quite as straightforward as “asshole dad”.

Pita the separation rate is much higher than that for unmarried parents. The vast majority of 14 year olds do not live with their biological parents or if they do, they are in blended families. This has been the case for almost 2 decades now.

@Changed12345

Sadly, as a social worker, I see far far worse, every single day. Only today I visited a family for the first time (new case) - the smell hit you as soon as the door was opened - animal faeces everywhere, open soiled nappies piled up on kids mattresses with no sheets, 5 year old who gets up on her own, feeds herself crisps for breakfast, layers of filth on every surface, a toddler who appears to live in a travel cot and so on... if you think that Waterloo Road storyline you would die of shock if you ever became a social worker...

Oh no. I really hope these children were immediately taken into care.

I remember being on a bus once just before Christmas, and a girl, aged about 15 in front of me talking with such pain, anger, disbelief and distress to her friend. Her mum had a new boyfriend and had gone on holiday with her boyfriend over Christmas, leaving her daughter alone over Christmas.

A lot of you are not comparing like for like here.
The scenario in the programme is a woman abandoning her kids on their own so she can go on holiday. This is not comparable to a man walking out and leaving their kids safe with their mother.
Obviously some women do walk out and leave their kids with the father but this is far less common. Although personally I actually only know a situation where the mother did this.

@mycatisannoying Ever read To Kill a Mockingbird? The main character is called Scout Finch.

@Meadmaiden
I wondered that but as a foster carer my first thought was I bet they are still at home. I am v cynical about just how bad it has to be due to chronic underfunding of social services and lack of foster care placements etc.
My adopted child came from a similar background and the older kids were in it for many years whilst social workers tried to improve living conditions and put in support. All to no avail.
It is a v tough and soul destroying job to be at the cutting edge of childrens services.

Worked as a private foster carer for a number of years (they take on the kids the local authority foster carers don't). Some of my kids sadly had worse back stories. Think the youngest one left to care for younger siblings was two years older than younger sibling, then mom popped out another baby less than two years after that one.

Youngest one left alone no siblings was the most damaged. Shut in a room for literal days from infancy to just under three. Became the most sociopathic manipulative five year old I've ever seen. As in can't leave a mug within reaching distance as the moment your back is turned it's a projectial aimed for place it will do the most damage. And tugging on seatbelt of seat in front so they can reach your neck. Going after anyone who is sick, and so seen as weak that day. The things that happen in some people's houses are terrible, and the damage it wrecks on children is heartbreaking.

You earn the most so why is it an issue to find another place to live? Give him the kids 50:50 and see how he gets on. Keep the childcare arrangements you have now. This family is toxic and you need to ditch the lot of them. I'd have one last very frank discussion with your dh and if nothing changes start making plans. Next time she says bil is stressed tell her a few home truths. You only get one life op and you can live it like this getting trodden upon by everyone or make changes to live a better one. I'm not saying it will be easy making such huge changes, it won't and you'll doubt yourself along the way but this is no life and you deserve better. Best of luck op.

oops sorry answered the wrong thread. Please ignore!

Yes this happens.

@Nat6999

My niece is in the new Waterloo Road & Ackley Bridge, not a lead role but she auditioned & has done filming for both.

I think that's great. Well done, your niece.

I know a family that was single mother and three children and the mother used to leave her DD12 to get the two toddlers up and dressed and fed before school while the mother would stay in bed and take drugs with her new boyfriend. If DD wasn’t there the toddlers were left in their cots for up to 13 hours because she still just stayed in bed.
Luckily their dad quickly caught on to what was happening when he wasn’t allowed in the house and the children became very withdrawn and DD wouldn’t talk about what was happening, they were removed and now live with him full time. But yes, it definitely happens, and I can’t get my head around the mindset either. It’s awful.

Yes they do!. My mother left when i was 18 months old. I met her in my thirties. We said she had a great life and if the time came again she wd do the same.

@Chewchewaboogie

Yes they do!. My mother left when i was 18 months old. I met her in my thirties. We said she had a great life and if the time came again she wd do the same.

Actually think more women should do it, if I had of known how my divorce was gonna pan out with been dragged to family court every year for 10 years I wish I’d just given him the children walked out and sent him money and had them every other weekend.

Somebody actually said that to me when I found out he was cheating, I should’ve turned around and said well I hope you will all be very happy together and that you did mention you kids when you were plotting all this and that they will be part of the deal when you to get together.

@JudgeJ

Lalliella
There’s some snobbishness and generalisations on this thread. I know of a very naice middle class above average age mum who left her kids for another bloke. They were devastated.

I wonder if she was required to provide any financial support for her deserted children?

She did do this. Her DH was a SAHD and enabled her to have a very successful career. She ran off with her boss who was loaded. Cliché! Dad and little ones were at least provided for.

My friend is a social worker, and yes, these things happen.
It amazes me how many awful things go out that people never hear about. I suppose to protect the children involved, but then the parents go unpunished.

there are literally 2 trials ongoing at the moment in the UK - one of neglect for a 7 year old boy who died of an asthma attack because his mother had taken his inhaler part to use it to take heroin, and a mother (and stepfather) on trial for murdering their 5 year old with "injuries usually only seen in a high speed car collision or fall from a multi story building" and dumping him in the river.

Those are just the 2 that are headline news this week, there are more every week and sadly millions more children whose stories don't get reported. You need to wise up OP!

MyCatisannoying Well she was called Scout as a nickname I think .Real name Jodie I think

Unfortunately it does and far worse!

This happened to a friend of mine, when we were in primary school. Her mum walked out on all 3 of her children (all very small at the time). My friend was really shocked her mum was gone, didn't even say goodbye. Just told their dad, she'd had enough and wanted to move away for a fresh start. So yes I can believe it, some very selfish people out there.

I work in a school and that isn’t at all far fetched, it’s the sad reality for many of our pupils.

Parents wouldn't actually do this would they? It's make believe surely

Men leave their children every day, they leave pregnant women, they leave young children and older children.
I see no handwringing over that, only if women leave.
FWIW I know of two women who left the children, out of all the women I've ever known. I didnt ask why, none of my business. But in the same time frame and all the men I've ever known. A lot more have left their children. Many times more than women. Yet its seen as normal.

@JudgeJ, of course Mother's have to pay Cm the same as men do. I've known women who are on low wages and do so.

@vicarc
"women are no better or worse than men just society doesn’t wish to see it. "

The crime statistics doesn't bare that out. Women generally are in charge of newborns/early years, we have lots more dead babies and sexual assaults on children if that were the case. Likewise in war situations vulnerable people survive in greater numbers when women are looking after them.

No actually it really is that parents do this. As I say, so much is said about the right of people to have children and nothing said about the character. Just the horror of the high profile cases…

I don’t think everyone gets it right as the perfect parent but surely it can’t be too wrong to say that people should take responsibility and give thought to the lives they affect. Instead, as one PP poster says the cycle just continues with men allowed to leave children and/or batter women and women - unable to cope for whatever reason - taking it out on the kids or leaving at the end of their tether. It’s wank.