To think parents don't honestly behave like this...

[DumplingsAreRank]

... ahead of the new serious of Waterloo Road (yes, I am that retro) I am rewatching some old series.

One of the kids, Scout, has witnessed her mother walk out with a new bloke for some "alone time" destroying her opportunity to get an education and leaving a 3 year old without a mum.

Parents wouldn't actually do this would they? It's make believe surely

I find it odder that some PP don't know Harper Lee.

OP you're getting a hard time, but I think you must have led a lovely sheltered life where you don't come across or hear about the awful things that some parents do to their children.

@TeddyTonks

Lucky you to think this.

Some people are absolute shits. And unfortunately, some of us have those for parents

Yep...

Nice for you that you have no personal conept of something but I'm with the poster who wonders what else you don't believe happens because you can't imagine doing it.

Yes I am not talking about the big headline stories where there is rightly massive outcry (or what’s going on abroad with kids used as human shields), it’s more the utter low level wankery so many kids have to go through - and yet another thread merely asked the question if it was right she slightly judged when people had kids when the parents were obviously emotionally and financially out of their depths and she was rounded on that it was the parents ‘right’ to have those kids. How is any of this anyones right? To treat someone else, someone so vulnerable often so badly?

Lots of parents walk out on their kids because they cba with family life.

Usually dads though. Society has no problem with that.

Why is it so shocking when mums do it?

@vicarc

My Dad was left with a brood of 5 children to raise alone as his ex walked out for a new bloke. The youngest was 2. They were probably not all genetically his as she was a serial cheat (all pre DNA testing) but he didn’t have the heart to split the sibling group so he soldiered on. He wrote to her to come and get the children at one point but she never came, in fact never responded. To add insult to injury he was ordered to pay her alimony in the way of pension contributions as part of the divorce settlement. It was incredibly hard, bankrupted him, was sectioned once for a complete mental breakdown from extreme stress and the eldest sister had to take up a parenting role as my Dad had to work all the hours he could to support them. The ex was a devout catholic and my dad even converted to marry her. What can I say really, women are no better or worse than men just society doesn’t wish to see it. A lifetime later, 6 months before my elderly Dad passed, a letter arrived from her apologising, I guess she was worried about her soul.

While I'm sorry for your dad's experience which sounds tough, I don't think it represents the norm. Statistically it's just not the case that women are 'no better or worse than men' as parents. The overwhelming majority of single parents are women and, even in relationships, women shoulder more of the parenting burden than men even when in full-time work. More anecdotally, men left with parenting responsibilities often look for a woman to push them onto...often a new, younger partner. In your case, you describe how the 'eldest sister' had to take on the parenting responsibilities.

Why is it so shocking when mums do it?

Society holds women to a much higher standard than men in pretty much every area of life unfortunately.

My sister walked out on her two young children and moved abroad for a man she met on the internet. She's highly educated, from a very nice middle class background (just to counteract the assumptions of this only happening with women of a certain class & situation). Her former husband now takes care of the children as a single father.

Do I judge her? Yes. Yes I do.

@GreyCarpet

Why is it so shocking when mums do it?

Society holds women to a much higher standard than men in pretty much every area of life unfortunately.

I do also think...and this is quite an unpopular opinion...that women have a stronger bond with their children usually. Due to carrying them in their bodies and being the only one able to breastfeed (though that's not always relevant)

I do also think...and this is quite an unpopular opinion...that women have a stronger bond with their children usually. Due to carrying them in their bodies and being the only one able to breastfeed (though that's not always relevant)

Some women do.

I used to work in child protection and I can tell you that the woman who discharged herself from hospital the day her baby was born, left the baby there and went home did not feel bonded to that child.

My mother was open about the fact she didn't love me because she didn't feel that bond.

Some women...

Part of it as well might be the consequences of failing as a parent. If fathers walk out, the mothers will usually (but not always) pick up the pieces. If mothers walk out, it's far less obvious that fathers will necessarily step up. Often children will be cared for by relatives or go into foster care. I imagine it's easier to leave if your children have a stable other parent who you can abdicate responsibility to. It's interesting that when fathers go to prison, children are usually cared for by mothers. When mothers go to prison, only a few children are cared for by fathers... most are fostered, adopted or cared for by family, usually grandparents.

I’m a child of the 70’s. My birth bitch used to go out mid-morning after clobbering me, leaving me in charge of my younger, fucked up brother. She would trot back home about half an hour before Dad’s train was due in and be busily making dinner like a good mum when he walked in the door: I was about six (he was four) when the neighbours found me with yet another broken arm and took me to the hospital that she worked at and told them what they knew. Leaving us alone stopped. The broken bones didn’t.

@MaChienEstUnDick

Dads do it all the fucking time.

Well quite.

And then it’s unremarkable.

You are pretending to be naive for fun. Have you really led such a sheltered life, free from any kind of media/books/friends to show you how the world is, or are you just wilfully ignorant?

I used to live in a very nice part of a very nice area and my very respectable ( outwardly) NDN would regularly keep her kids off school because she was pissed / hungover. She also liked to lock them outside as a punishment.
Dad worked abroad and was oblivious.

for those on this thread who had such terrible parents.

I used to mentor a 2nd year university student - her parents fucked off to Pakistan for a holiday for 4 months, leaving her to look after her 3 younger (young primary age) siblings. It was only supposed to be for a couple of weeks initially. She went from a predicted 1st to struggling to even pass.

I judged those parents, harshly.

Of course some parents do.

There has been too many DC murdered or dying through neglect the past few years.

Battered to death, freezing on a door step waiting on DM, baby who's left starving till she passed. Another tossed in the river after a beating, stepmother killing babies.

There just the poor children who come to mind.

If those mother's left for a fun time those DX would have been safe.

Some mothers are like earth angels others are devil's.

You probably don't want to know then, but Waterloo road is quite a sanitised version for teatime viewing. Many parents are horrible to their kids routinely. Nothing ever noticeable enough to be picked up or it is picked up and the children are in and out of care with it never really being resolved. Sad world.

As for it being fair for people to have children... That's one of those ideas that sounds sensible when you first think it but if you think more deeply about it you'd realise that it could never be implemented. Firstly who decides who is responsible enough to be allowed to have children? How do you make sure that viewpoint is fair and unbiased? What if somebody would be a great parent but they fall short of one of the markers? What happens if somebody gets pregnant anyway? Accidentally? Do you force them to have an abortion? That sounds horrific. Do you take the baby for adoption at birth? Babies are not puppies, so quite apart from the distress to the mother, bear in mind this causes harm to the baby. What if that baby would have been absolutely fine with their birth parent (s) if not ideal - would that definitely and absolutely be more than the harm caused by removing them? Where are all the new adopters and foster carers going to come from for these babies? What if they get stuck in foster care or children's homes for years? Would that definitely and absolutely be better than being with a slightly substandard parent? What about concealed pregnancies where somebody knows they are not "approved" to have a baby but goes and does it under the radar anyway. It is most important for the most vulnerable to receive antenatal care and support post birth. Those children would end up even more disadvantaged. And as said, children are not puppies and separating them from their parents, even bad parents, causes trauma and harm. That is why the bar is currently so high for removing children. Under the approved parents only system, what would happen with babies born abroad whose parents didn't meet the criteria when they arrive? Would you take those children away, even if they are being cared for? If not, why is there one rule for British parents and another for immigrants? What do you think angry and distressed parents who have had their children removed or their right to children refused would think about that?

You only have to look at atrocities in countries where indigenous people were deemed "unfit parents" (Canada, Australia etc) to see how such things can go badly wrong.

It's not about a right to have children, it's about basic rights of not treating people absolutely terribly, and making sure the most vulnerable children have access to support.

@Nat6999

My niece is in the new Waterloo Road & Ackley Bridge, not a lead role but she auditioned & has done filming for both.

And the point is?

It surely is make believe that someone would name their child Scout

Her name isn't Scout, her name is Jodie. Scout is just her nickname.

I remember a teen telling me once that she'd had a so so day, so I asked why, and she said her dad who has been kicked out just reappeared and decided he wasn't going anywhere, and wouldn't leave home. He was apparently at that moment sat in the sofa smoking weed and her and her mum were just gonna have to put up with it. She wasn't even that sad in a kind of 'this has happened before multiple times so I might as well be chipper about it' way. Some people are utterly shite parents, it's sadly relatively common.

Mine did, I was 10. She made a token effort for visits that were obviously a massive inconvenience that became palpable and then she did something very cruel that massively effected the rest of my life and I went nc at about 14 I think. Ideal for her as she was able to push the blame onto me with clean hands. Tbf my therapist rightly pointed out it was unlikely the poor parenting started at 10 when she left. If anyone's in any doubt I can say with 100% confidence it totally destroyed my self esteem and led me down an awful path but who's to say if she'd stayed it wouldn't have been much worse?

Well I know where you're coming from.but really do you not read the news ? Poor star hope and arthur for example! Good parents with a good family like you and me can't imagine it but sadly yes it happens and worse too

I knew a woman whose parents split up. The dad shacked up with another woman. Neither the woman I knew not her sibling were ever allowed in her father's house, they had to stay outside. I asked her what the hell happened if it rained, oh we got inside an old pram and pulled the hood up! She recalls her mother used to regularly leave her and younger sibling alone from Friday to Sunday she was 9years old.
Another friend's father buggered off leaving his wife and 2 kids, this was his second family. My friend had no idea for 6 months what had happened to her dad. Anyway he moved in with another woman and her numerous kids became his new family.
My friend was never, ever allowed to stay at her dad's house ever. Her mother married another man who my friend did not get along with. She left home at 16, married the first guy who showed her any affection and became a battered wife. Finally she plucked up the courage to leave but the damaged caused is still there.
Another friend experienced similar. Parents split, dad pissed off with ow, ow refused to have friend in the house. Dad becomes parent to her numerous kids. Mother married an awful man, awful man beats my friend. My friend was dumped at social services and put with a family who did not treat her well. She had 2 kids to 2 unsuitable men who do not step up to their responsibilities and so the cycle continues.