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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

When men say "I prefer women without make-up"...

711 replies

ThingThatIBring · 05/04/2022 18:10

AIBU to think that when men say "I prefer women without make-up" that they don't usually know what they're talking about (and don't usually have a clue that women ARE wearing it)?

The reality of this statement is usually:

  • I don't like it when women wear really obvious MAKE-UP make-up (loads of lippy and false eyelashes etc) or when it's badly applied (making it obvious);
  • I like really good-looking fresh-faced young women whose complexions, etc., look smooth without it;
  • I like to think of myself as very wholesome (and maybe a bit of a feminist).

What they DON'T mean (but don't realise they don't mean) is:

  • I prefer the look of the average woman of my own age without any make-up on.

I know so many men who say this, and it always mildly irritates me as it's said like it's a kind of virtue.

As a post-mating-phase human, it's not like it really affects my life. But it always makes me feel for all the women who are still in a position where they're affected by this nonsense...

OP posts:
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18
31flavours · 06/04/2022 20:52

@MichaelAndEagle

A below average guy will get with a whale of a woman through lack of choice

What??!
That is exactly the entitlement you were saying doesn't exist in the below average man!!

How. A below average man will get with a woman who physically is, well, completely unattractive. How is this entitlement to make your bed with the only class of partner you can get in the modern dating marketplace?

Take an equivalent average to below average woman. They will not settle levels below them. They will still feel entitled to a man some level above them until they get to their desperate years. It’s called hypergamy. It’s very real and it’s been around forever.

MichaelAndEagle · 06/04/2022 20:54

How is this entitlement to make your bed with the only class of partner you can get in the modern dating marketplace?
Because you seem to think you deserve "better".

Comedycook · 06/04/2022 20:56

Take an equivalent average to below average woman. They will not settle levels below them

This is absolute nonsense

DrSbaitso · 06/04/2022 21:00

Oh, don't encourage him. Even incels get day release.

31flavours · 06/04/2022 21:02

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@31flavours

“No loser or average man feels entitled to anything. The worst possible existence in fact is that of a below average man.”

What utter bollocks you are talking[/quote]
It’s fact. Men are measured by what they have and what they do. The life of a below average man consists of no women, no assets, no respect. That’s sounds shitty to me.

DrSbaitso · 06/04/2022 21:03

The life of a below average man consists of no women, no assets, no respect.

You could take up macramé.

Comedycook · 06/04/2022 21:07

The life of a below average man consists of no women, no assets, no respect

Oh ok, you're right. Only 6'5" millionaire male models are able to find a relationship.

MichaelAndEagle · 06/04/2022 21:10

@Comedycook

The life of a below average man consists of no women, no assets, no respect

Oh ok, you're right. Only 6'5" millionaire male models are able to find a relationship.

No no, he actually said below average men can find relationships, but only with objectively unattractive whales of women.

Let's not misquote the guy.

31flavours · 06/04/2022 21:16

@DrSbaitso

Oh, don't encourage him. Even incels get day release.
I’m not an incel. I’m happily married with a kid. Live in a £1.2m house. And I think fall in the top 1-2% of earners in the UK (and in my mid 30s).

I did this despite being poor all my early life, bullied, neglected, ostracised for being poor and neglected. So I know better than most how a man needs to be something to be worth anything to society.

But carry on sweetheart.

TheKeatingFive · 06/04/2022 21:17

You could take up macramé.

😂

DrSbaitso · 06/04/2022 21:18

I’m not an incel. I’m happily married with a kid. Live in a £1.2m house. And I think fall in the top 1-2% of earners in the UK (and in my mid 30s).

🤣 🤣 🤣

I take it back. Keep encouraging him.

Blossomtoes · 06/04/2022 21:27

Wow, this thread’s taken a weird turn.

DrSbaitso · 06/04/2022 21:29

@Blossomtoes

Wow, this thread’s taken a weird turn.
31flavours had to wait until he'd cleaned his cell before his mum turned the WiFi back on.
user1471554720 · 06/04/2022 21:36

When I wear no make up I have a red face and I look unkempt. Just putting a small amount of white make up on is a great improvement.

31flavours · 06/04/2022 21:36

Actually apologies. That was overly self-aggrandising. I’m very humble IRL (drive a shitty vw golf). Just hate when an expression of fact (in many mens eyes) is met with shaming tactics.

Anyway I’ve said my piece.

PinkQuartz · 06/04/2022 21:37

who cares about mens preferences? wear whatever make up or lack of it that you want

DrSbaitso · 06/04/2022 21:38

Please don't apologise, 50shades. I didn't know how much I needed that.

OneTC · 06/04/2022 23:19

This is the opposite of truth. No loser or average man feels entitled to anything. The worst possible existence in fact is that of a below average man. Look at the dating apps as an example. If you’re short you’re out, if you’re fat you’re out, if you’re broke you’re out. The only way an ugly dude gets an above average looking woman is compensating with other areas (perhaps fitness, wealth, assets) to make himself more attractive.

A below average looking woman will still want above average men. Such is the delusion of self worth through unearned titles such as “queen” and “boss babe”. A below average guy will get with a whale of a woman through lack of choice.

Crikey

Darlingx · 07/04/2022 00:46

I didn’t wear much make up over the lockdowns. I was last in the queue for

Musicislife · 07/04/2022 02:09

I mentioned something about running out of something in my makeup bag to dh and he gave a high-pitched‘you wear makeup’ ?, we’ve only been married 28 years and I’ve worn it the whole time Confused. Just proves to me that he’s got this skewed idea that makeup is heavy eyes and lipstick cos I was just talking about a bit of powder and mascara 🤷🏻‍♀️

navydear · 07/04/2022 02:12

They don't prefer a woman without makeup..believe me, it's just the Natrual makeup look that all men like..the makeup u wear that just hides blemishes and gives a nice smooth finish..it's in their Makeup as men to look for a youthful smooth glow..

RhubarbCrumble12345 · 07/04/2022 07:15

Partner says this all the time! We can both be looking at someone on TV and you can see the make up so obviously but he just can't see it! Does make me laugh. I guess they don't know what they are looking for unless it's obvious 😅

Brefugee · 07/04/2022 07:58

This is the opposite of truth. No loser or average man feels entitled to anything.

ah. Yes. Wrong. Incel culture is based EXACTLY around the fact that plain, average or downright ugly men, who may or may not be fat, skinny, under developed, bald whatever have the RIGHT to date women who look like supermodels, and only those. They will never in a billion years date a woman who is too fat, too thin, too old, too ugly, too whatever totally made up criteria the Incel sets.

Dating apps are the epitome of judging a book by the cover so it is no wonder people use make up, filters, old photos, faked photos whatever, because unless someone finds you attractive on first glance - swipe, you're gone. without even reading the bio. It is a fact of life and it is really no different than the Debs going to Queen Charlotte's ball then launching on the season to get a husband (titles, mothers and money played a part there, too, to be fair) or the, frankly, cattle market that was Tiffany's on a Saturday night in the late 70s/early 80s. You had to make an effort to look good (to whom? for girls, often it would be other girls as well as the blokes, for men? those who bothered probably pretty much the same)

And then there is the whole thing of using make up as a shield. Most of my male colleagues don't notice beyond "that's very red" but i do wear make up to work and when i need to bring my fierce, über-competent self to work, it is Red Lipstick that i use as a shield.

Some people don't mind makeup, some do, some love it, most have an opinion that varies according to what they're doing, who they're looking at and where they are.

LongWayRound1980 · 07/04/2022 08:20

@Marathoninjury

My friends boyfriend said he preferred women without makeup, I asked like who for example? He said Reece Witherspoon, Halle berry and Sandra bullock always look great and don’t wear makeup. Then said every man fancies at least one of the women from friends and every woman wanted to be one of them and they didn’t wear makeup but then the kardashians shot to fame and ‘the main one’ wear makeup and ‘another one’ sells it and that’s why it’s so popular now.

That was an interesting conversation.

This is hilarious. Is he quite young?
HRTQueen · 07/04/2022 08:28

I find this an odd thing to say. I’ve often had men tell me I prefer brunettes or I like little women Hmm

Did they think my knickers would suddenly drop to the floor in gratitude that I could be their perfect woman

Men as so self indulgent to think we need their approval and praise