to find this rude?

[snackzies]

NC for this one. I have a friend who I've always felt was rather nosey. She's the type of person to stop another mum at the school gates to gossip and 'casually' bring up a piece of information phrasing it as a question when she knows the bloody answer but just wanted to talk about it and get more details and gossip.

I was out to dinner with said friend and a couple others. We got talking about our ongoing house search, and I'd mentioned we'd seen one that day we were going to put an offer on. She asked a bit of info about it like location and bedrooms etc, and then right in front of me she whipped out her phone at the dinner table with all our friends, pulls up right move and says to me oh is it this one showing the house and price to everyone and having a nosey through the photos!

I couldn't believe it. In front of me!! I know that type of house info is readily available as are sold prices, and loads of people will look at others homes. But seriously, if she was going to look it up she could have at least have the decency to wait until she got home. I couldn't believe it. But I could as it's so typical her.

Sorry for the rant. This has just really surprised me. The cheek!

I think this would have been fine from a non-nosy friend but is not fine from a nosy one. Makes sense to me OP!

No it’s not rude, your reaction is odd though.

@Responsiveroo

Her only mistake was doing it in front of you

Everyone else would have done it in the taxi home

I think that would be weirder. It's one thing - and quite natural - look up a listing during a conversation so you can see what you're talking about. Remembering and looking it up later while you're alone is more odd imho.

I would probably have shown my friends on rightmove tbh rather than describe it, but I'm an over sharer!

So... your friend asked you how your house hunting is going, which is normal, and you think she's being intrusive and rude by showing an interest in her friends? Sounds like you're the problem, not her...

If you're out with a couple of girl friends for dinner, I don't think that's rude. Don't you tend to show your mates the house you're buying?

If she has a habit of oversharing then keep your own counsel.

Done.

I know what you mean OP. I wouldn't like it either from someone that nosey. It would feel invasive.

I knew someone like this when my DCs were at primary school. She and her husband went and drove to the house we'd been to see and parked outside to take a look. It was a 10 mile round trip out if their way.

We ended up moving elsewhere and just before we moved she told me she'd had a drive down our new road to look. If it were a good friend I wouldn't mind. But it was part of her general overstepping of boundaries and coming from a 'I want to see if you have more than me' point.

You are odd.

We are all straight on right move as soon as anyone at work says they are looking at house

Why did you tell her?

I genuinely don't understand exactly what aspect of this is rude. Is it that she knows where you're going to be living (but you must have told her for her to be able to find the listing)? That she knows the layout of your new house? That she can see the asking price? What, precisely, is so rude?

I'm not sure you realise that she'd easily be able to see the price of whatever house you eventually purchase once the sale goes through. It'll be there on Rightmove or Zoopla, or she can go straight to Land Registry data if she's feeling particularly industrious.

I'd have probably sent her the Rightmove link myself, in fact I'm in the process of buying a house now, and have sent my link to loads of people!

I think her reaction was pretty typical so I’m surprised that you are surprised. I didn’t share any info with anyone (even with relatives) when we did house hunting. I was a bit superstitious so kept it vague “we’re looking around this and this areas”. I only mentioned particular viewings when the house was not any interest to me. So my viewings never were the topic of conversation unless I wanted them to be.
You’ve said that everyone could see the photos and the price which sounded a bit strange imo. They are your friends so they know you and know what you are after. Or not? It feels like you are pretending rather then being real you in your group of friends and now feel that the real you are exposed ( because everyone saw the type of property you’ve liked and can afford) and feel embarrassed.

You sound a but precious tbh. I dont know why people get uptight about this sort of thing. Me and my friends all know how much each other earn and how expensive our houses are etc I don't see the issue.

I can't see what you're getting worked up about. If it was YOUR house up for sale and she was nosing through the photos and commenting, fair enough. But just a house you may or may not buy? She's not your friend though, or she would have instinctively grasped the importance of keeping her mouth shut and not giving you an excuse to be outraged.

@Starseeking

I'm not sure you realise that she'd easily be able to see the price of whatever house you eventually purchase once the sale goes through. It'll be there on Rightmove or Zoopla, or she can go straight to Land Registry data if she's feeling particularly industrious.

I'd have probably sent her the Rightmove link myself, in fact I'm in the process of buying a house now, and have sent my link to loads of people!

To be honest most people have at least a vague idea of what houses prices are in their area, what places are or are not more expensive etc. So it's not like your likely budget is a state secret to start with.

I really don't see the problem.

But if you think she's an over-sharer, why do you keep sharing things with her?

You seem a bit sensitive love

Yes I think it's rude. Everyone has a comment to make on someone else's budget.

Everyone you know will be checking it out, she's just more open about it

I understand why you're annoyed, as I would have been too.

Some people have to make everything about them, and it sounds as though she took over your story and made it hers, showing the house you are looking at on her phone to your friends. Not on, IMO.

I doubt she did it to be annoying, though, or even realises she has been. She probably just puts herself at the centre of every conversation. I've just spent today in the company of someone like that (a colleague, so I couldn't get away). She's been answering questions put to others, and interrupting people with 'me too - when I did that/lived there/visited . . . .' comments, and generally got on my nerves. She absolutely would have got her phone out in the circumstances and taken over the conversation.

Maybe it's not 100% reasonable to object to her looking it up, but not at all unreasonable to be pissed off.

I'm sorry, but I don't think she was rude. Do people always have to tread on eggshells around you for fear of offending you?

You know that you can find out for free how much your friends and neighbours paid for their houses right?

I think it's rude

It’s a bit crass.

Of course the polite thing to do is for everyone to pretend that they have no idea what you’re purchasing or for how much and then gossip behind your back about your taste/budget