Want to terminate pregnancy but he doesn’t

[letmeeatcrisps]

We have two kids already, DD is 3 and a handful. DS was born in January. I had lots of health complications and extra scans and was depressed all through the last pregnancy.
I am pregnant again despite braestfeeding. With my first child my periods didn’t come back for a year I am mortified to be pregnant again so soon. I don’t know if I can tell anyone IRL without lots of judging!!

Anyway. Dp wants to keep it. Is acting very selfish and controlling. I would LOVE to keep the baby but we are financially strapped and have no family around to help. The last two babies took it out of me to the point where I’ve given up all hobbies and socialising. He complains that I’m boring now. It’s called being tired!!!! I try to explain another baby = more exhaustion. He says abortion is murder and I’ll regret it forever. I feel like I’ll regret going through another pregnancy so soon. I feel like my body has crumbled away just having two babies. My pelvic floor is wrecked not to mention my mental health.

Would it be unreasonable to have a termination?

(I appreciate this could end up very politicised I just want to know what other mothers have done / would do in this scenario, thanks)

Your body, your choice. And your children deserve a mum who can give them love and attention, not a mum too exhausted to play with them.

It is a difficult decision, but ultimately, he is not the one who would be carrying and giving birth to the baby. Your pregnancy has zero effect on his physical health and carries zero risk for him. If he wanted to, he could simply walk away at any time during the pregnancy. You, however, would not have that option. For you, the stakes are infinitely higher and therefore it is your right to choose a termination.

In all honesty, it also doesn't sound as if your relationship is very healthy, and I do not think having another child with this man would be at all advisable. He isn't pulling his weight with his existing children and he isn't coming up with any solutions to your financial worries, and he's being controlling and using abusive language towards you, accusing you of 'murder' and so on. If terminating the pregnancy also terminates the relationship, I don't think you'd be disadvantaged by that.

@Whatever00

It's your choice. It your body and your health. However, it could end your marriage.

It would be HIM that ended the marriage.

Thank you all so much for your insight and replies. I really appreciate those of you who have shared your stories. I was feeling so so alone.
Everyone who picked up on the abusive vibes is correct, I am well aware that it’s an unhealthy relationship and that he doesn’t actually love me.
He can be hands on with the kids and does a fair bit of housework but it’s all felt like a business arrangement - like living with a colleague or something. We’ve been together ten years and just don’t have fun together anymore.
He’s done plenty of awful things but the worst, for me, was turning to our 3 year old and telling him “your mummy and grandma wanted to kill you” …. I mean I’m sickened just typing that out .. all because my mum told me when I was initially pregnant that “you don’t have to have this baby”.

So yeah. He’s awful. My mum is well aware and is helping me to get the courage/practical bits to leave.

I guess I had made my choice but needed to hear from other women. I am probably going to have a miscarriage. It’s not safe to even have the conversation with him if I’m honest. Which is a really clear blinding red flag. I ignored way too many up until now.
I will call women’s aid and see if they can help.

Thank you all again for being so kind to reply. Your responses have given me courage and strength at a time when I’m feeling so low and vulnerable. I wish the support came from my husband but like you all say - probably won’t be too much of a loss when we finally get away. I have saved this thread as it reminds me to be strong and sensible and focus on my two existing, beautiful, more than enough, children. They need every minute and ounce of my love they can get!!!

Best wishes OP
Take the help from womens aid to leave. Please be really honest with them about everything that is going on.
You and your DC deserve that happiness.

I'm so glad you've been so clear sighted. It takes strength to recognise a bad situation, well done. You and your mum keep quietly quietly gathering what you need.

You are keeping yourself and your children safe.

I guess I had made my choice but needed to hear from other women. I am probably going to have a miscarriage. It’s not safe to even have the conversation with him if I’m honest.

Do whatever you need to do to stay safe. I'm so sorry you are going through this but very glad you are making plans to leave.

You are right to be seriously considering a termination. Your partner is being inconsiderate of your point of view. Consider, if he walks out could you cope with your current kids plus a baby? You will be the one left with the kids, not pc but true. Do what is best for you and your existing children.

Good luck OP with your plan. He sounds like an asshole and you’re doing the right thing. Prioritise yourself and your kids. It’s great that your mum is so on board and will help you leave this man.

Good luck OP, keep strong.

You are definitely doing the right thing. Listen to your mum, have the termination and get away from this awful man.

Your body, your choice, op.