I'm looking for some advice/guidance in how to handle this personally.. please be kind with comments.
I have four month old twins and have recently had the in laws over again. They live in Wales, we live in England. I'm really getting annoyed with them saying they don't see our babies enough and every time they come, they say they will look so different the next time they visit. I just can't have them over too regularly as it's so full on when they come, they come as four as my DH has an aunt and uncle who always come with them too. We don't have a big house so it's a bit stressful when they're over. We are always hospitable and cook food, make drinks etc. But it's so tiring and I dread them coming. They also have an OCD in cleaning so my husband and I spend a day cleaning before their arrival as his Dad has pointed things out that weren't dusted before 😑 They also take a million photos of the babies when I'm not there (I'm quite particular about photos and said no to them being on social media) and start sending them round to everyone they know. I get that they are proud grandparents but it's really OTT.
Even more so I get annoyed because they never acknowledge that I'm doing a great job as a Mum 😔 They're so wrapped up in spending every single second with the twins that his Dad doesn't even make an effort to ask how I'm doing, or basic conversation. My DH keeps saying that I have imposter syndrome and just shouldn't care what his parents think but it's hard when I'm so tired and craving some form of recognition. I just feel they don't really acknowledge me as the twins Mum which is horrible. My DH doesn't see it or agree this is the case, so we are arguing about it. They think my husband is the bee's knees, say he is an amazing dad, so hands on, a great cook etc. They never compliment me. I sometimes feel like they tolerate me.
My parents are totally the opposite and are always saying how well we are both doing with the twins (they are our first children) plus making sure I get breaks when they see me because it's hard work on my own when DH is working full time. My parents live closer to me, 30 mins away so see the twins more often as help out with babysitting. My family are good at turning up with a meal for us, are very low maintenance and will sort drinks themselves as they know we are busy. It's just different but I'm conscious that I'm biased because they are my family.
I even sent a text this evening as the in laws left ours after a weekend here, saying that they experienced what it is like with me looking after the twins and it's not easy. But MIL didn't even respond to it and said they would let us know when they arrived home.
Late into my pregnancy they also discussed with DH about all four of them moving to England to live on our estate (!) To be closer to us... I was so stressed with the thought of it that I said no to DH. I just don't want them on my doorstep 24/7. They wanted to look after the babies full time but they are older, they don't have the energy for it and we also want our twins to be in nursery.
Also, when I delivered the babies I had post partum eclapmsia (and pre eclampsia, it wasn't an easy birth experience) and they kept on at my DH saying he should take the babies out of the hospital and they would move into the house to look after them whilst I recovered. We had huge arguments about this. The babies were right where they should be, with me. They just wanted to take over and to see the babies. I had asked them to hold off as I didn't want visitors until I was home and ready. I wanted us to be in our family bubble until we were settled. Of
It makes me want to avoid them coming to our house as it just causes me to feel worse each time. They're due back in May but I guarantee they will schedule another visit sooner. They also do it via my husband but don't ask me which I find so frustrating...I should be a part of any plans for visits to our home.
AIBU? What shall I do about the imposter syndrome? Should I see someone about it, I don't know how to get it out of my head? The more time goes on, the worse it gets. It is causing issues for my relationship which is awful.