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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having my friends baby overnight

64 replies

midnight86 · 03/04/2022 07:30

A few weeks ago my friend asked me if I would have her 12 month old baby overnight so that her and her boyfriend could go to a family event. I'd never had the baby before, even for an hour, but knew he was fairly sociable so should be ok. Said night arrived and she dropped him off. He was full of cold and when I went through his bag of things I found all sorts of baby cold medicine. That night he barely slept as he was completely bunged up and could hardly breathe, coughing and sneezing all night. No temp but still full of cold. I ended up getting about 3 hours broken sleep and was exhausted the next day. I do understand babies get ill but AIBU in thinking that she should have mentioned he was unwell before bringing him over?

OP posts:
00100001 · 03/04/2022 07:32

She shouldn't have left him tbh

Rumplestrumpet · 03/04/2022 07:34

She was probably worried you'd say no, but tbh I wouldn't dream of giving my baby to a complete stranger (for the baby) overnight, even without a cold. If you just had a little sleep and not a distressed baby crying all night I think you got off lightly!

But yes to answer your question, she certainly should have told you and discussed medication with you - how do you know what baby had already been given?

Crazy all round

Kaw10 · 03/04/2022 07:40

And what did you say to her when she collected him?

FairWindClearSailing · 03/04/2022 07:42

That's utterly bizarre. Both leaving a year old baby with someone he didn't know, and leaving him full of the cold

Hiddenvoice · 03/04/2022 07:45

She should have mentioned that he was unwell.
Not fair on you but also not your responsibility to administer medicine for a baby who you don’t know that well.

Patchbatch · 03/04/2022 07:53

Yes of course she should have so you could have made an informed decision about whether you wanted to have responsibility for a poorly child overnight, and what medicines to give and when etc. As is she obviously assumed you wouldn't say anything and that she could get away with it, horrible when people take advantage.

GeneLovesJezebel · 03/04/2022 07:55

She shouldn’t have left an ill child with you, unless you agreed to it.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/04/2022 07:55

Why on earth would you look after someone else’s baby overnight- also wtf what she thinking when you’ve never looked after a baby before. Irrespective of cold she sounds utterly selfish and stupid to do this

incompetentcervix · 03/04/2022 07:56

She left her baby with someone the baby didn't know? Overnight? Plus baby was sick? Who does that?! Poor child

Crabbyboot · 03/04/2022 07:57

I don't think it's unreasonable of her to ask you to look after the baby, but it is unreasonable to leave the baby with you with a cold. Not fair on the baby or you especially as you don't know the baby well.

Indicatrice · 03/04/2022 07:59

Now you know never to say yes to her ever again.

babyjellyfish · 03/04/2022 08:01

My baby is the same age and I went away overnight when he was 7 months old (have also been back at work since then) and for four nights when he was 11 months old.

He was with his dad.

I can't imagine leaving him overnight with someone he didn't know.

I wouldn't even leave him overnight with his grandparents yet, and he sees them all the time and we trust them completely.

That poor baby.

Whiskeypowers · 03/04/2022 08:05

That’s a dreadful thing to do to you and the baby. If you were an experienced parent and knew the baby well plus had agreed to look after her child knowing he was unwell is a very different scenario. Even then as a mother in that situation with an event to go to I couldn’t have left my 12 month old when they were poorly. Except probably with my mother.

What happened when she collected him?

Whitewolf2 · 03/04/2022 08:09

This is mad, she should have cancelled completely and looked after her sick child.

StrawberrySanta · 03/04/2022 08:10

Firstly I think you're a brilliant friend for watching him over night. I can't believe she still went when the baby was unwell. There's no way I could have done that. I wouldn't ask my friend to have my 1 year old over night, they've looked after him once before but not for long and they don't have kids so would be difficult for them through the night, if he was poorly I would have cancelled my event for sure. It would have been confusing for the baby too

Wheelz46 · 03/04/2022 08:12

Where in the post has OP mentioned being a stranger to the child?

OP, you are not being unreasonable, your friend should have absolutely mentioned her little one was not feeling to well.

Personally, I would never leave my poorly child with someone just to have a night out.

newbiename · 03/04/2022 08:42

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Why on earth would you look after someone else’s baby overnight- also wtf what she thinking when you’ve never looked after a baby before. Irrespective of cold she sounds utterly selfish and stupid to do this
She didn't say she'd never looked after a baby before - just not this baby.
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 03/04/2022 08:49

Chalk it up to experience and be ready to say no when she asks you again,which she will.

Original poster
midnight86 · 03/04/2022 09:27

Well I'm not a stranger to him but I definitely don't see him regularly!

OP posts:
MagicMatilda · 03/04/2022 09:32

They tend to be full of cold a lot! She was probably really looking forward to her night off. Not fun for you but guess it’s just one night and you can catch up on your sleep when they’ve left.

Vapeyvapevape · 03/04/2022 09:32

She should have told you he was unwell, how were you supposed to know when he last had any medicine? You could have inadvertently given him an overdose.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/04/2022 09:44

@Vapeyvapevape

She should have told you he was unwell, how were you supposed to know when he last had any medicine? You could have inadvertently given him an overdose.
No she should have never given her sick baby to anyone else to look after
ilovepuppies2019 · 03/04/2022 09:50

I would have run the baby's DM and asked her return and pick up the baby because the poor little might was sick. Was this an option OP? There is no way I would want that responsibility for a child that I don't know that well. I would be nervous in that situation as the aunt or grandmother. YANBU, she should have told you well in advance and given you time to think about your decision and information of medication.

MotherOfDragon20 · 03/04/2022 09:52

A bit confused by the responses on here considering every single post written by a tired struggling mother is full of responses telling her to lean on friends and family and take all the help she can get. He had a cold, most one year olds have cold after cold after cold it’s not that big of a deal. It was one night with not much sleep and you done a good deed you’ll survive!

Original poster
midnight86 · 03/04/2022 09:56

@ilovepuppies2019 Plenty of alcohol involved so it wouldn't have been an option to ring friend and ask her to collect him!

OP posts:
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