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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having my friends baby overnight

64 replies

midnight86 · 03/04/2022 07:30

A few weeks ago my friend asked me if I would have her 12 month old baby overnight so that her and her boyfriend could go to a family event. I'd never had the baby before, even for an hour, but knew he was fairly sociable so should be ok. Said night arrived and she dropped him off. He was full of cold and when I went through his bag of things I found all sorts of baby cold medicine. That night he barely slept as he was completely bunged up and could hardly breathe, coughing and sneezing all night. No temp but still full of cold. I ended up getting about 3 hours broken sleep and was exhausted the next day. I do understand babies get ill but AIBU in thinking that she should have mentioned he was unwell before bringing him over?

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/04/2022 09:59

@MotherOfDragon20

A bit confused by the responses on here considering every single post written by a tired struggling mother is full of responses telling her to lean on friends and family and take all the help she can get. He had a cold, most one year olds have cold after cold after cold it’s not that big of a deal. It was one night with not much sleep and you done a good deed you’ll survive!
Having a cold is not a big deal to the parent- why would a friend being kind want to deal with an extra difficult baby/ risk getting sick themselves
AnneLovesGilbert · 03/04/2022 10:00

@MotherOfDragon20

A bit confused by the responses on here considering every single post written by a tired struggling mother is full of responses telling her to lean on friends and family and take all the help she can get. He had a cold, most one year olds have cold after cold after cold it’s not that big of a deal. It was one night with not much sleep and you done a good deed you’ll survive!
I think people mean ask for a couple of hours so you can have a nap and a shower. Not a full night with a sick baby.
Dejavuvuzella · 03/04/2022 10:02

Poor baby. Bordering on neglect by the parents IMHO.

WaterBottle123 · 03/04/2022 10:02

Urgh. Why are replies only focussed on what 'she' should have done? The father ALSO left his sick baby and is EQUALLY responsible,

Come on Mumsnet, sort yourselves out

Clymene · 03/04/2022 10:03

@MotherOfDragon20

A bit confused by the responses on here considering every single post written by a tired struggling mother is full of responses telling her to lean on friends and family and take all the help she can get. He had a cold, most one year olds have cold after cold after cold it’s not that big of a deal. It was one night with not much sleep and you done a good deed you’ll survive!
Except she didn't tell the OP. And where did you get the idea that she's 'struggling'? She went out on the piss.

She's not a good friend or mother.

Clymene · 03/04/2022 10:03

And the dad is not a good dad either. They're both crap.

TheChurchOfEli · 03/04/2022 10:04

@MotherOfDragon20

A bit confused by the responses on here considering every single post written by a tired struggling mother is full of responses telling her to lean on friends and family and take all the help she can get. He had a cold, most one year olds have cold after cold after cold it’s not that big of a deal. It was one night with not much sleep and you done a good deed you’ll survive!
You’re not confused you’re just deliberately being obtuse, because it’s not fucking rocket science to understand why you don’t just hand over a sick child to someone without even mentioning they fact they were sick or even what medication they’d already been given. OP could have inadvertently given the child an overdose thanks to these “parents”.
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/04/2022 10:06

@WaterBottle123

Urgh. Why are replies only focussed on what 'she' should have done? The father ALSO left his sick baby and is EQUALLY responsible,

Come on Mumsnet, sort yourselves out

It was positioned as the mums friend, she has a responsibility to her friend as well as her child
INeedNewShoes · 03/04/2022 10:27

I wouldn't have left DD at that age with anyone apart from my mum if she had a cold bad enough to need medicine. It's not fair on the baby or whoever is looking after them!

Seraphinesupport · 03/04/2022 10:31

i wouldnt be able to leave my baby overnight when he/she was ill

Blackmagicqueen · 03/04/2022 10:33

Hi op, YANBU, you sound like such a good friends for agreeing to have the dc over night (esp when you didnt know the child well). I think it was extremely cheeky of your friend to expect you to still look after her son when she knew he was poorly. Also as a mother she should have wanted to have stayed with her own child and should never have left him!

Blackmagicqueen · 03/04/2022 10:34

own poorly child*

WaterBottle123 · 03/04/2022 10:59

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Not the point, both parents chose to leave the baby. Just because mothers normally shoulder the burden of arranging childcare doesn't mean fathers aren't morally responsible,

The father is absolutely 50 percent responsible. Jesus. It's 2022

Fritilleries · 03/04/2022 11:13

That is shitty parenting.

dottydodah · 03/04/2022 11:42

I think that she should have told you yes.Probably thought you would refuse . just chalk it up to experience .Say No if asked again!

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/04/2022 11:44

She probably thought you’d say no, if she told you. Not great.

HoppingPavlova · 03/04/2022 11:54

How was OP to know whether the baby had any medicines in the bag, at all, an hour before being dropped, 3 hours, 6 hours. Unbelievable that this occurred without a proper handover of all relevant information. I would have handed them their arses on a plate on pick up plus called immediately I discovered the situation to see if child had been given anything and if so what and when so I could ensure no errors in interval dosing etc.

Original poster
midnight86 · 03/04/2022 14:46

Yes not sure I'll be saying ok again Confused

OP posts:
HellToTheNope · 03/04/2022 14:50

Your friend has appalling judgement.

Pumpfive · 03/04/2022 14:55

She should definitely have mentioned it beforehand so that you could have thought about it. I occasionally have babies overnight due to my line of work and I only agree if I know I've no major plans the next day as even the best sleepers have bad nights. I'm not sure why people are assuming you're a stranger to the baby though- you said you've never had the baby before but I assume you see the baby. I've never had some of my friends kids alone before but have spent plenty of time with them!

Iamkmackered1979 · 03/04/2022 14:58

Seems a poor choice by the parents, a baby wants it’s parents when poorly. What would’ve happened if he had become more unwell and she was drinking. Different if it’s a sudden event you can’t foresee that but to knowingly leave your baby whilst poorly isn’t great. I have 4 kids and know how hard it can be but the only place my boys want to be when ill is with me or their dad. Also I wouldn’t want to catch a stinking cold from someone else’s baby if I could avoid it. It’s done now op but she’s going to burn many bridges if that’s how she treats people who try to help her.

EV117 · 03/04/2022 15:01

She shouldn’t have left him with you over night with a cold considering you don’t have any experience with babies overnight from the sound of it. Not to mention he’s ill and just leaving medicine in the bag is bizarre.

Madre123 · 03/04/2022 15:01

She should not have left him...spiteful!

MrsJemimaDuck · 03/04/2022 15:02

This is awful. I never leave my children with babysitters when they have a cold (unless it’s because I’m working, which is a different arrangement), because I assume the babysitter won’t want to risk getting sick! I also warn even my parents if the children are ill—and often times they would rather decline babysitting, because even they would prefer to not catch it! I just assumed that missing things was par for the course as a parent, because children have colds a lot. All of this is to say, I know how badly my one-year-old sleeps when ill, and I couldn’t inflict him on anyone like that—not even my own mother.

EV117 · 03/04/2022 15:05

Urgh. Why are replies only focussed on what 'she' should have done? The father ALSO left his sick baby and is EQUALLY responsible

The OP mentions her friend, presumably the mum, as making the arrangements - who’s to say the ‘boyfriend’ is the dad and has parental responsibility. So yes the replies understandably focus on ‘her’ - the person the OP mentions and made the arrangements with - rather the father who we know nothing of and may not even be involved.