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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Having my friends baby overnight

64 replies

midnight86 · 03/04/2022 07:30

A few weeks ago my friend asked me if I would have her 12 month old baby overnight so that her and her boyfriend could go to a family event. I'd never had the baby before, even for an hour, but knew he was fairly sociable so should be ok. Said night arrived and she dropped him off. He was full of cold and when I went through his bag of things I found all sorts of baby cold medicine. That night he barely slept as he was completely bunged up and could hardly breathe, coughing and sneezing all night. No temp but still full of cold. I ended up getting about 3 hours broken sleep and was exhausted the next day. I do understand babies get ill but AIBU in thinking that she should have mentioned he was unwell before bringing him over?

OP posts:

billy1966 · 03/04/2022 15:07

Very poor parenting.

Very selfish.

I definitely would not say yes again.

Poor baby.

ForeverSingle881 · 03/04/2022 15:11

A parent that leaves their unwell baby with a stranger all night (stranger to the baby) is an AWFUL AWFUL person. Think about how distressed a baby will be, being unwell and not having their care giver there. It would have been fine, in my opinion, to leave him with someone who regularly cares for the baby. I don't think a mother shouldn't be able to have a night out. But what she did was inexcusable.

There's nothing you can say. She doesn't give a shit about the baby and she definitely doesn't care about you either. Just block her. She will never listen to any reasonable explanations, there is no reasoning with her, ever.

Marvellousmadness · 03/04/2022 15:29

Some "friend" you have
Not in a million years I would have done such a dreadful thing to a friend.

She should have told you! And asked if you were ok with it
But no actually, she should have told you the kid had a cold and she was staying home!!

I missed out on a really cool concert once as my kid was having a big fat cold that I KNEW would influence his sleep. I didn't want to burden that on my friend that was supposed to look after my dc. So I didn't go tot the concert. Which was the only option really. You dont handball sick kids to a friend for an overnight stay

MaudieandMe · 03/04/2022 15:41

@MotherOfDragon20

A bit confused by the responses on here considering every single post written by a tired struggling mother is full of responses telling her to lean on friends and family and take all the help she can get. He had a cold, most one year olds have cold after cold after cold it’s not that big of a deal. It was one night with not much sleep and you done a good deed you’ll survive!

What a stupid comment. 🤦🏻‍♀️

It’s clear that the parent in this instance used her friend to babysit the sick child so that she could still go out on the piss.

A struggling mother is one who needs support from friends so that they can get some rest to recuperate, not go and get pissed.

Two completely different situations.

Thedogscollar · 03/04/2022 15:53

The parents should never have left their sick baby with an unfamiliar carer.

Anything could have happened re baby's condition. If situation required escalating would you know the childs medical history allergies any medical conditions?

Imo the parents are wholly negligent in asking you and leaving you overnight with their sick child whilst they went out to get pissed.

There are some people who I wouldn't trust to look after a goldfish never mind be parents to a real live human being.

Original poster

midnight86 · 03/04/2022 16:20

It turned out he was fine being left with me but I wasn't overjoyed at the idea of being in charge of someone else's fairly sick baby! Wasn't too happy about the serious lack of sleep either...

OP posts:

Thedogscollar · 03/04/2022 18:31

@midnight86
Apologies if you thought my goldfish comment was aimed at you. It certainly wasn't it was for the neglectful parents landing you with their sick baby whilst they drank the night away.
You stepped up to be more of a mother than the biological one.

Original poster

midnight86 · 03/04/2022 18:36

@Thedogscollar No not at all

OP posts:

MyDcAreMarvel · 03/04/2022 18:37

Huge exaggeration you aren’t a stranger and the baby wasn’t sick - he had a cold no big deal. Waking up three times is normal it’s one night.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 03/04/2022 18:59

Annnnd this is why many mums have no life / lose friendships. You did a great thing,it was a cold, not a life or death situation.

Original poster

midnight86 · 03/04/2022 18:59

@MyDcAreMarvel I didn't say I was a stranger. Although you can count on my fingers how many times I've seen him.

OP posts:

MyDcAreMarvel · 03/04/2022 19:16

@midnight86 no I know you don’t say you were a stranger other posters did.

Gizacluethen · 03/04/2022 19:24

DS tends to only have one bad night when he's ill. She may have just noticed he had a bit of a snotty nose but he hadn't been that poorly. But I'd usually say when dropping off "he's got a bit of a cold, he's got bladiblahdiblahdiblah in the bag " and how and when to use everything.

But I think it's a bit ridiculous people saying she shouldn't have left her snotty baby, like babies get a lot of shit going on, especially if they're at nursery, you can't sit in your house alone with your baby because they have a snotty nose.

My mum will be the first person to look after DS overnight, she's barely had him alone except a trip to the park, she's not a stranger to him.

Timeturnerplease · 03/04/2022 19:41

I’d absolutely do this with trusted grandparents - babies are rarely without a cold ime.

However, I’d not ask this of a friend and I’m considered a very relaxed parent. When we were expecting DD2 a very close friend offered to have DD1 (then 2.8) overnight if her grandparents were ill or similar when labour started, and I was only just ok with that idea - despite the fact that DD1 would have been sleeping in a room with her best friend of the same age, who she’s seen weekly since birth! It just felt like such an imposition on their family, and very unsettling for DD1. They seem to sense when they’re with family who love them, and are more comfortable, regardless of how kind/nice other people caring for them are.

Poor baby and poor you. I’m sure you did a grand job.

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