To think 2 hours travelling time is too much for work?

[GraEll]

Hi, I have just secured one of my dream positions and of course I am very happy, but I don't know if I understand the extent of the journey every day, there and back. I can get a direct bus for an hour and 50 mins or a bus and a train that's expected to take an hour and 20, but by the time I've swapped and wanted time in between to make sure I don't miss it, I've decided the direct bus is better (what do you think on this as well? Is it worth adding 30 mins there and back for a much easier way of getting there?)

How likely is it to be out the house 6:30am-7pm Monday-Friday and still have an active life filled with more things than work... especially children and stuff. Also, does anyone do a similar journey and think it's absolutely fine?

Not a good option for five days a week unless temporary, say before you move house.

I did this for 12 months, and even though temporary, affected me and probably took another year to recover fully.

Having read the update on your personal circumstances, I'd try to make it work. You're a girlfriend not a wife, so if that involves staying away a couple of nights a week or longer, then do what you need to.

No chance unless I can wfh most of the time (is that def not possible?).
If it really is a dream opportunity I’d give it a go with a view to moving asap.

@rookiemere

Having read the update on your personal circumstances, I'd try to make it work. You're a girlfriend not a wife, so if that involves staying away a couple of nights a week or longer, then do what you need to.

What difference does it make as to whether your a girlfriend or a wife? A husband doesn't own you!

I’d plan to do it for a year or 18 months. Get your career on track and then use it as a stepping stone to something else.
If you graduated a couple of years ago you must be quite young so do it while you have lots of energy and no kids.

I wouldn’t consider it

If you were to leave the house at 6.30am and not get home until 7pm, when would you see your children - between 7 and 8.30 or so? Not much time for anything at all.

My friend commuted for just over 2 hours for 5 years before covid hit. She has a supportive DH who has dinner on the table every night though she cried once about this to me as she thought she wasn’t a proper wife, her words by the way, She has no children and was exhausted and looked like shit. Also that amount of public transport meant she had a cold or minor illness often . She has been able to WFH and is now fighting to remain at home all the time and even fighting to not teach face to face ever again.

Don’t do it for more than a year or two, the long term effects are terrible.

If it’s to get you out of an awful job and get experience I’d suck it up for a short time but accept you won’t have a life outside work. I’d opt for bus I think. You can eat breakfast on bus and sleep or read etc. Then keep looking for job nearer. It will impact your health - sleep deprivation and no time to exercise.

There's no way I'd do this. even without taking children into consideration.
If you do decide to have children, then its not really feasible. Finding childcare would be a nightmare apart from anything else.
If you must do it, I'd do the train and bus. But you need to work out the timings.

That sounds like my idea of hell. Once the excitement of the new job has worn off you’re going to regret this, guaranteed.

It depends how much sleep you need. If you can manage on less than 6 hours a day you should be ok.

I couldn't do that journey every day, but I'm old.
How far is it ? Bike ?

I think it’s doable but would depend on a number of factors. Age for one. I didn’t do a big commute but in my 20s and 30s I did 2 jobs and at one point did a p/t masters too. I was young and fit. No children and single. I was quite driven so regularly was out the house from 8am to 1am 3 nights a week. The second job pretty much paid my mortgage.

Now I have a much more intense senior position. I’m older. My commute is 50 mins drive each way and I use this time to catch up on work calls or just relaxing listening to music.

Does your new job pay well? I’d you needed taxi from station or bus if it was kissing could you afford it? Could you buy nice coffee for the train/bus. Would you feel that the commute and time sacrifice was worth it?

What does your partner think of it?

I don’t know where you are in the country but I did almost take a job quite far away and I planned to break the commute up by staying one night mid week in a local premier inn. Is that an option?

Jeez oh. Pissing. Not kissing!

Do you drive or can you learn to drive as it might make a lot of difference. I used to commute 1.5 hours each way at some point, the job then was 3 days on and 3 days off. Sometimes the commute was longer if a train was cancelled, etc so I leave at 6 to start work at 8. I didn’t like the commute but the job was like a stepping stone then. However, if I was driving, it would have been less than 40 minutes.
I left the job after a year, mainly because of the commute.
I now drive and my commute is around 20 mins but public transport would’ve been more than a hour.
If it’s a job you really want and will make way for you, I’ll take it if there’s a way I can plan to reduce my commute.

Can I get an update ?
It's been a year for you and I wanted to discuss how you managed since this might be my future with a job.