To think 2 hours travelling time is too much for work?

[GraEll]

Hi, I have just secured one of my dream positions and of course I am very happy, but I don't know if I understand the extent of the journey every day, there and back. I can get a direct bus for an hour and 50 mins or a bus and a train that's expected to take an hour and 20, but by the time I've swapped and wanted time in between to make sure I don't miss it, I've decided the direct bus is better (what do you think on this as well? Is it worth adding 30 mins there and back for a much easier way of getting there?)

How likely is it to be out the house 6:30am-7pm Monday-Friday and still have an active life filled with more things than work... especially children and stuff. Also, does anyone do a similar journey and think it's absolutely fine?

A lot of people will say it's standard and normal and they or their DH do it but it sounds utterly miserable to me.

I have a 20 minute drive and 10 minute walk to get to work (free car park a block away) and I'm glad I only have to do that twice a week!

If childcare isn’t a factor & it’s a progression in your career, then I would take it.

I commuted 1h 45 mins each way, it was ultimately impossible to find childcare that worked with a shift working DH & that commute, so I left. The commute itself wasn’t a massive problem really, read lots of books!

Do you also have a walk or a drive at either end? I did a xx 2.5 hour commute once a week and it had me so tired for the next day… any more frequency and I couldn’t have maintained it (but my kids were nursery age so it also involved an additional drive each way to drop off and pick up).

The killer was when the connecting train was held up. I think your bus/train combo will ruin you… go the longer way but stay on the one train, and do something useful on the journey. It might not be so bad if you’ve no kids to also deal with.

I used to actually like the train part. I forced break from the otherwise go-go-go life.

I had to do this as work changed my site. I was miserable, tearful and left. Sorry I can't be more positive

It's tiring but I did it pre-children. You sort of get used to it. Wouldn't do it now I have DC's.

It's doable. I've left the house at 6.30am to get a 6.50am train and then get back home by 7.30pm for several years (I have kids). But it depends if the money makes it worthwhile.

DP did this for many years, typically c.80-90 minutes on two crowded buses depending on timetables and traffic. He also worked long stressful days so would leave at 7am and not be home until 7pm. It nearly broke him (and us) by the end, just the tiredness. If you don't get home til 7pm, you still want to spend time with your kids and you still need to eat, but that left no time for our relationship as he was too tired to spend any time with me. He was asleep on the sofa by 9pm. I work part time but I did everything relating to house and children and all the "life admin".

The pandemic was a saviour as it tipped the balance into working half the week at home which looks like it's going to be ongoing now, thank god.

An hour's commute in London is pretty normal for many people, but for me, any longer than that would have to be an exceptional job or have a good capacity to work from home at least a couple of day a week.

It sounds beyond miserable. Surely there must be something else you can apply for?

When would you exercise, cook, do life admin, see friends see dp without his child being there?

So many roles are wfh now, I'd keep looking.

I'd take it and move closer to the job.

If you were married and had DC of your own, it might be different.
It seems you have a boyfriend and his son.

I did 1 hour 30 mins (plus delays) each way for years. It was fine because DH stepped up and I didn’t bring work home (I did a more local job before but had to bring work home and it was awful). Used to do some life admin on the train, but mostly read and listened to music and came home ready for family life. I was out of the house 7:30 to 6:30, sometimes left at 8am, sometimes in at 7 or 7:30pm. Came home to kids in the bath and dinner cooking. Like many many dads. It’s good being a dad, more mums should try it.

I have at best a 2 hour commute now and it’s too much to do regularly, particularly as there’s big scope for it to go wrong as it’s far. If it was exactly 2 hours with no train changes would be just about ok.

Is the job worth it?
You’ll be doing a 12-13 hour day. So price it on them times not just the 8 hours you’ll be at the job. It may sound daft but you could get a lower paid job closer where you get paid less but more per hour as you have no commute.

Can you stay over at a cheap PI or Travel lodge once a week ?
Or look at Mon-Fri boarding somewhere?

If it's a building block on a cv I'd do it for a couple of years. Will you be able to work/read on the bus? Can you nod off on the bus?

Totally unfeasible with dc though.

If it's your dream position and you don't have kids then go for it. It'll get you out of the call centre job and onto the right career path that could open more doors for you.

My commute was 2-2.5hrs each way before I went on maternity leave. I found the worst part was the unreliability of public transport. Frequently the train would be late and I'd have to run across the train station like a mad woman hoping the bus was also late as the next one wasn't for 40mins and was always full. Make sure you do trial runs on both methods. Personally I prefer buses to trains.

As you have no kids I'd say it's doable - I did it for years, however I left at 5:20am so was home at a more reasonable time. There's no way I could do that commute if I had childcare to deal with. Luckily mine will half by the time I'm back at work as the office has relocated.
If it's only weekdays then it shouldn't affect your time with your stepson too much - is there a possibility of finishing earlier on Fridays?

As it's a dream job the travel might not get you down too much. I don't particularly like my job so the travel felt like it was grinding me down every time a train didn't turn up or broke down leaving me stranded.

Given that you've worked in a 'shitty call centre for two years since graduating' (your words), I would go for it, if only for a few years, to get some experience. It sounds like you are quite young and don't have any dependents yet, so it should be manageable.

I've spent most of my working life commuting to central London, so a 2 hour commute is quite standard and I've known lots of people to have commutes of this length or longer, even with children.

Yes, it can be tiring, but use your time productively eg read a book, learn a language, play a game on your phone, listen to a podcast. I always take a travel mug and read the Metro and time flies by.

You could also explore other options to commuting eg renting a room locally, Mon-Thurs. You many find other ways to cut down your commute eg cycling part of the journey.

I would never ever contemplate this....I have a 15 minute commute ..... but 45 mins would have been my absolute maximum pre children

I can only speak for myself but my mental health suffered when I had a crazy commute. Of course people 'do it all the time' but the question is whether or not you can tolerate it once you've weighed up the pros and cons.

In your position I would consider doing it for a couple of years if it is a job you really want to do.
As a pp said I also prefer buses to trains. I live in the North West and trains are very unreliable here. Although it's longer I'd take the direct bus, then at least you can relax a little without worrying about a connection.
I used to have a 10 min walk, 20 min bus ride, 1 hour train then 20 minute walk (each way). I lasted a month before I moved closer to the job. If it had been direct though, I would have preferred it.

It’s a lot, and really a lot with kids.

However, if you know why you are doing it for your career it might be worth it.

Can you do a day from home? It will be essential that your partner steps up at home. Outsource cleaning if you don’t already. Think about how to use the time.

DH commutes 2 hours door to door to his office in London and has done for years. It’s doable. It’s exhausting and long and I’m not sure it allows time to ‘still have an active life filled with more things than work’ but it pays the bills.

Not a chance! I'd move or find a different job.

Lots of people who work in central London travel this amount every day from commuter towns.

I can see the argument for doing it given your current work situation.

Funnily enough I took the bus that I spent 3 years commuting on back from a walk yesterday. 1hr 25 minimum and it was generally late on the way home. It reminded me how hideous it was.

I did 1.5 hrs driving each way for a few years. If there was an accident, it could be well over 2 hrs. Train wasn’t reliable enough. I don’t think it did my health much good at all, and knowing you’re already going to be late at 7:45am is stressful. But it was a stepping stone and I knew it was only for a few years. I couldn’t have done it with kids. We didn’t do anything on a work day evening due to lack of time and tiredness, but did make the most of weekends. I do remember trying to make it home before dusk in the spring, so I could do a bit in the garden.