Page 2 | To think 2 hours travelling time is too much for work?

hattie43 · 03/04/2022 08:04

I lasted a 2.5 hr commute each way 9 months then moved closer . It totally effected my life onside and outside work and that's without children .

Work was difficult being the only one commuting meaning I missed out on after work socialising and not being able to stay later if needed .
Outside work was difficult with partner ready to go out to dinner etc and me only ready for bed / sleep .

Short term yes longer term no imo

LankylegsFromOz · 03/04/2022 08:05

I do 1.5 hours each way for coming up to 7 years. I hate it! It's severely impacted my quality of life in every corner. Each year it gets harder rather than easier. I am currently applying for jobs a step backwards or sideways, just to get out of it. If you take the job, be prepared your commute will impact near every decision you make (ie can DD take on a week day activity, where your DH can work etc).

My advice.. don't do it 🙂

Sapphirejane · 03/04/2022 08:05

I used to have a job where I would travel to different sites and a few times a year I had commutes of 2hrs each way and the put such a strain on me. I definitely couldn’t do it everyday. I have a young child and WFH through the pandemic has shown me how wonderful a better work life balance can be. I wouldn’t even consider jobs more than a 45 min commute now. I think 1hr 50 with a family at home is madness sorry.

lechatnoir · 03/04/2022 08:05

An hour & half commute is fairly standard London / Home Counties commute and I did it for years pre kids and PT for another 4 years post kids- drive to station & park 20 mins, train55mins, tube or bus 15/20 mins.

It's knackering but you get used to it, I'd take the quickest option no question and wouldn't want to do it ft with family unless there is an OH around and hands on. Is there an option to wfh one day ?

Sapphirejane · 03/04/2022 08:06

Sorry that should say a few times a year my commutes would be 2hrs each way for a few weeks at a time. I could cope with a few one offs throughout the year.

incompetentcervix · 03/04/2022 08:06

I do a similar commute but I don't see my kids much on the days I work which long hours, plus I have no other life and most importantly thats the minimum travel time - often it's longer due to cancelled transport or hold ups on the motorway. Once or more a week it's 2 hours one way. In summer everyday is longer

NoSquirrels · 03/04/2022 08:09

Do you have DC yet, OP? It’s not clear from your post.

Personally I’d probably do the direct bus for a week, then the train /bus combo and see what worked best.

If you can work on the coach as easily as a train then that would probably sway me.

It is a long commute but if it’s your dream job then you’ll find a way to make it work. That could mean moving though!

Footgoose · 03/04/2022 08:12

I spent 5 years commuting 4 hours a day ( sometimes longer if traffic was bad ) , 5 days a week. In the car so at least a smooth commute. Reasons included, it paid phenomenally well compared to similar positions locally. Local positions in the same field came up rarely and were often not great. It suited my children's routine but I hated it. I was often late due to traffic ( major route often shut due to accidents) , already stressed when I reached work , exhausted by the time I got home but Depending how you look at it I was either trapped or motivated to keep going . I didn’t do it because I loved the job and if that’s your only motivation , you may struggle to keep it up if other parts of your life suffer. I’m also wondering what kind of bus journey. Around all the houses ?
My other thought is the bus / train option as well as being a bit quicker gives you a bit of a break from being tossed about on a bus while getting a bit of a walk in / smoother journey on the train .
All bus winter ? Bus and train summer maybe ?
Good luck.

00100001 · 03/04/2022 08:13

If there were kids involved, not a fucking chance. You'd basically would only see them for 2 days a week and be shattered.

ChoiceMummy · 03/04/2022 08:15

@GraEll

Hi, I have just secured one of my dream positions and of course I am very happy, but I don't know if I understand the extent of the journey every day, there and back. I can get a direct bus for an hour and 50 mins or a bus and a train that's expected to take an hour and 20, but by the time I've swapped and wanted time in between to make sure I don't miss it, I've decided the direct bus is better (what do you think on this as well? Is it worth adding 30 mins there and back for a much easier way of getting there?)

How likely is it to be out the house 6:30am-7pm Monday-Friday and still have an active life filled with more things than work... especially children and stuff. Also, does anyone do a similar journey and think it's absolutely fine?

I'm not sure if you have children or are considering in relation to if you had children. Personally, the job is totally incompatible with a family life imo. You'd be reliant on a partner doing all the drop offs and pick ups etc.

I used to commute, by car though, so imo more relaxing and direct, and some days it was lovely, the radio on, sun shining etc, no traffic, sometimes that journey would take 3 times as long.

And don't forget that relying on public transport totally restricts you if you wanted to be there earlier or later etc. Let alone the cost factor.

Either move closer or find something closer or drive.

icklekid · 03/04/2022 08:16

As a teenager my mum used to do same length commute into London every day. But my dads job was much closer to home and therefore he would be around if needed. My mum loved the job and the social side of London working. She read on the train and wasn’t bothered by the length of time. Would you be stressed about what your missing or enjoy the time to read on the commute? Have you a partner who can pick up some of the slack? I think younger children come with more complicated wrap around care expectations of taking to clubs etc where as teenagers can sort lifts themselves or be more independent?

Nothappyatwork · 03/04/2022 08:18

Would you have to do that every single day I mean most of us in our office travel at least an hour each way but we only do it two days a week. and that’s entirely optional.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 03/04/2022 08:20

I allow 1 hour 15 mins to drive to work, which is only 11 miles, away due to traffic. I work compressed hours so the drive home is not during rush hour and it only takes 20-25 mins. It would take much longer than 1 hour 15 on public transport though. I guess it depends on how long it will take you to get to any place of work, is it unusually long or fairly typical if you live in a more remote area?

ApolloandDaphne · 03/04/2022 08:20

My DD1 did a commute that long (Brighton to London train then bus across London to work) and it almost broke her. That was with a partner and no DC. She and her DP split up and she moved to London and reduced her commute to 30 minutes. She was like a different person. I would not consider that commute with small DC.

saleorbouy · 03/04/2022 08:23

You're going to waste 20hts a week on the bus, I'd move closer to get a better work/ life balance.

LittleRedRidingHood187 · 03/04/2022 08:23

It may start off okay but it will soon become a problem. After a shit day it will be the last thing you want esp in the Winter months

I've just gone from seven years commuting ten minutes by car to twenty five minutes by car and what with finishing at 5:30pm it's the absolute maximum I would ever want to do

mistermagpie · 03/04/2022 08:24

One of the women in my team has a nearly 2hr commute. She did it for years to be fair but said she would cry in the shower at 5:30 in the morning and missed her sons bedtime most nights.

We have wfh mostly since the pandemic began and she says her life has been completely transformed. It was a miserable experience and she pretty much hated Monday-Friday and felt she was basically giving up being a parent for the week. The cost of the travel was also around £200 a month for her.

Based on literally this one example and the fact that I have three young children, there is no way I would take a job, any job, that involved that much travel. It just wouldn't be an option.

over2021 · 03/04/2022 08:24

I have a commute by car of between an hour and an hour and a half (it's 47 minutes without traffic...!). For me it's worth it because the salary is very good. I work in London but live outside of London so don't have the humongous mortgage I'd have if I moved closer.

I work 5 days in the office so youngest DD is in breakfast and after school club which makes for a long day for her - 7.30am-5.30pm.

DH works more locally though so is home earlier for pickups/get dinner on etc. I couldn't do it without that support.

lightnesspixie · 03/04/2022 08:29

Sorry I couldn't do that

LndnGrl · 03/04/2022 08:30

How likely is it to be out the house 6:30am-7pm Monday-Friday and still have an active life filled with more things than work

Very unlikely. I used to commute 2.5hrs each way, so 5hrs a day.

I used to knave the house at 5.30 to get the 5.50 train and get off in the evening at 7.20, all being well with no delays.

It was a nightmare. I was exhausted and had no life. By the time I went to the shop and sorted dinner, I then had a bath and went to bed.

Didn't do a lot on the weekends either.

PaddlingLikeADuck · 03/04/2022 08:32

I used to have a job where I would leave the house at 7am and not get back until 8.30pm and it was exhausting.

I did it three times a week and that was frequent enough. My commute wasn’t even that bad, so the thought of being out the house that long and 4 hours of it was just getting to work and back sounds awful.

If I did two long days in a row I was then absolutely wiped out for a good few days and was having frequent headaches etc because I just wasn’t getting any down time.

There is just no way I could do it 5 days a week.

When I had my first child and returned to work I managed to keep up with that shift pattern for about a year but then I just couldn’t manage it anymore, I was just too tired to enjoy my time with my son and on the days I worked I wouldn’t even see him and I found that really hard.

After that year of trying to prove I could manage it, I had to drop my hours so even though I was still out the house for those long hours it was only two days a week which gave me my equal life/work balance back.

I understand that it’s your dream job but you need to seriously consider whether you can maintain that commute and time away from home, day after day, week after week, month after month etc. Don’t underestimate how draining it will be.

You don’t specifically mention you have children but there’s an implication you may, so I would seriously consider how much time you would be able to spend with them if you took on this new job.

RiaG91 · 03/04/2022 08:33

Speaking from experience, it makes a long day when you're commuting 4 hours each day. Throw in any traffic delays or on days where you might not be feeling too great and it's even harder.

I used to commute 2 hours each way, sometimes this would be 3. I had to be out of the house by 5:30 to make sure I missed the traffic otherwise I'd never get to the office in time. This meant I was actually working an extra 2 hours per day too, and home between 7-8pm.

The only spare time I had was at the weekend.

Personally I'd never do it again - dream job or not, because I understand how the commute can weigh you down even if you love the job.

I hope it all works out for you.

Blankscreen · 03/04/2022 08:40

My DH has just changed jobs and his commute is 2!hrs a day. The office is thankfully moving so it will be i.5 hrs.

We live in Surrey and he commutes into London and 1.5 hrs is pretty average and what he has done for the last 14 years.

BUT he is the main earner and I work reduced hours so i pick up ALL of the slack at home with the children dogs and house admin.

He get in about 8+8:30 every night and is knackered.

He can only do it because I facilitate it.

Original poster

GraEll · 03/04/2022 08:47

I have a step son who comes Friday evenings until Monday mornings where dad drops at school. Obviously it doesn't really affect the working week but it's still a family weekend.

No biological kids of my own right now.

I've been doing a shitty call centre job for 2 years since graduating and obviously can't wait to get into an actual career at last!! Great progression as well...

But obviously don't want to feel completely dreadful... but not sure it's possible to feel worse than the job I'm in now lol! Even with the commute... but not sure, hence I'm really grateful to read all the replies.

My worry about the train and bus combo is things not running properly, seems more likely something to go wrong than the direct bus and ofc the train will take 2.4K a year more, again, is that worth for the extra 30 mins?

No option to work from home. It's not really possible to move even closer due to there already being an hour (by car) between DS and his dad/mum, then he wouldn't be able to stay until the Monday morning etc.

OP posts:

badspella · 03/04/2022 08:48

I commuted 2.5 hours or 3 hours each way for about seven years, If I could drive, the commute would be just over an hour each way. I had two teenage sons with additional needs.

I had a part time online job that I did on the way to and from work (if I could get a seat on the bus/train). This meant I worked up to 14 hours each day, and then had the boys to look after.

My husband looked after our sons on his own for six hours each day (when they attended school) and for 14 hours a day when they began to refuse school.

If I was single, I could have done it, although I would be more likely to move closer to work. With all the additional commitments, it was impossible, and I remember the seven years as being a period of permanent stress and fatigue.

As others have said, public transport can be very unreliable. I had to catch a bus, then a train, then a connection, then (if I was going to the other site) another bus. Despite travelling for three hours, I was often a little late if I worked on the other site, so I would work through my lunch to catch up. The national trains were fine, but the local trains were horrendous and crowded. The copper wire for the railway lines was frequently stolen, and this meant another half hour or more added to my journey..

When I got home, my sons would become over-excited and I would spend ages trying to calm them down enough to settle down for the evening. My husband would clear off, exhausted.

Sorry about the rant, but I work from home now and it is bliss compared to those years and that monstrous commute.