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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have cried in asda

705 replies

Littlemissdan · 02/04/2022 20:39

Is it just me that the whole cost of living thing is getting too much for? I actually had a (very small and no one watching!) cry in asda when I saw some reduced bakery goods because I didn’t know if I could afford them alongside my entire smartprice shop. £30 I had for a 2 week shop including nappies, and it just broke me that I actually had to wonder if I could afford a 55p treat for my kids. I can’t believe we’re living like this, 3 years ago we were comfortable and now I’m relying on the free school meals half term vouchers.
Not really looking for advice or budgeting advice here, just a bit of solidarity really :(

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Imitatingdory · 05/04/2022 21:23

What do you mean better regulated? Pupil premium funding is based on the census data, schools don’t get pupil premium funding they aren’t entitled to.

You would be even more surprised to know schools continue to receive pupil premium funding for 6 years after a pupil ceases to be eligible for FSM under the ‘ever 6’ rules.

Crikeyalmighty · 05/04/2022 21:24

@TerraNovaTwo. I actually agree with you on this, but at the end of the day it is what it is— the problem is when people are short of money , they tend to turn on each other - even though the other person may not be loaded too— you hear these conversations in high streets and school gates all over the land, particularly the less well heeled ones — life sometimes is not fair one bit — and yes I think it’s a totally mad rule too— but then I personally believe in free school meals for ‘all ‘ primary children to stop stigmatisation.

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/04/2022 21:53

@Littlemissdan did you manage to get to a food bank or find one that opens in evening /after work

McFuckSake · 05/04/2022 22:42

@LJAKS

The money saving forums on here are great, I don't know if anyones mentioned it but I started doing paid surveys on this app:

qm.ee/F04EAEA4

I've made £60 this month in my spare time, just around everything else I've been doing, maybe doesn't sound like much but it's actually made the difference between us paying the phone bill and not one day, allowed us to eat the treats etc. Money goes straight to my PayPal as soon as it's withdrawn and it's really been a lifesaver.

I've been trying this for about a week now and haven't made a single penny.

I've spent about an hour today clicking on surveys to either be told they're no longer available it spending five/ten mins answering questions about myself, often the same question a few times for each survey and to be told I don't qualify. Always after they've made you agree to the survey providers data sharing stuff (it would be more than an hour I've spent to day if I was actually reading 15/20 lots of privacy and data sharing policies.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 05/04/2022 23:28

I'm so sorry you're finding it tough OP. I was in a similar position in lockdown 1 (lost my job). I used the Good to go app. Meal planned to the nth degree. Bought yellow sticker food, accepted food parcels from church. Bought vegetables loose and all the basic range/misshapen veg. My friends fed me and DD for a few meals too... It will get better... I remember sobbing on the lady at the supermarket til. She asked me if I was having a good day and I just couldn't hold it in. She was so lovely to me. People care. Don't be ashamed or afraid to ask for help.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 05/04/2022 23:29

I also sold clothes, toys and books on local FB group pages to get some ££.

Puffalicious · 06/04/2022 00:16

@JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn

I'm so sorry you're finding it tough OP. I was in a similar position in lockdown 1 (lost my job). I used the Good to go app. Meal planned to the nth degree. Bought yellow sticker food, accepted food parcels from church. Bought vegetables loose and all the basic range/misshapen veg. My friends fed me and DD for a few meals too... It will get better... I remember sobbing on the lady at the supermarket til. She asked me if I was having a good day and I just couldn't hold it in. She was so lovely to me. People care. Don't be ashamed or afraid to ask for help.
People do care. I heard the woman on the til next to me in Aldi the other day having to put 2 items back as she counted out coins. There was no-one else around, so when I'd paid for mine I asked the cashier if I could pay before she put them back. I then quietly just put them and the receipt beside her as she packed. She quietly thanked me. It made me so, so sad. It was a steak pie and some dog food, so hopefully they ate a bit better that night.
NCTDN · 06/04/2022 11:25

I'm so sorry to hear of so many people in similar situations. I really hope that you manage to get help from the various suggestions. Food banks don't ask for any proof - please use them.
If your child is school age, ask the school for help. As a teacher I'd be devastated to hear that parents were missing meals to make ends meet. We couldn't use the school budget obviously, but have community links to support families.
I also second asking your work - if in a restaurant surely they would help. DaffodilDaffodil

Jangles1970 · 06/04/2022 11:35

I nearly cried in the supermarket the other week because nothing was on offer and my normal items have increased by 10-25%. My fuel bill just tripled (I only used to put my heat on for 30 mins a day), now we don't put it on at all. I don't own a car, can't afford to get the bus to work, so now walk. My boys and I never really lived with any 'luxury' items so I simply don't know where to cut back, it's depressing and scary. I'm sorry you are going through this.....on the bright side, summer is coming, the heating won't need to be on and walks to a local park/woods are free!!! Wishing you and your family well. XxX

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 06/04/2022 13:00

@Puffalicious what a lovely thing to do. Now I'm back on my feet I'll be looking to pay back the good deeds shown to me where I can.

AnuMenon78 · 06/04/2022 14:57

@Littlemissdan
So sorry! Not an active user of Mumsnet, but came across this post and could not carry on.
Myself and a few friends would like to pull together to do what we can to help you directly. How do I get in touch with you?

Anu

LouLou198 · 06/04/2022 23:00

I didn't realise the school holiday meal vouchers were coming to an end. What an absolute disgrace. I read an article in our local newspaper about an elderly gentleman who sits alone at night in the dark with a flask because he can no longer afford to hear and light his home. He volunteers in a food bank but won't take any of the food himself as he feels there are others - children, that need it more than him. Absolutely heartbreaking, how have we come to this?

Puffalicious · 06/04/2022 23:22

[quote JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn]@Puffalicious what a lovely thing to do. Now I'm back on my feet I'll be looking to pay back the good deeds shown to me where I can.[/quote]
It's just the little things that we can do if we can: humanity needs to win here.

Original poster
Littlemissdan · 07/04/2022 10:31

@NCTDN

I'm so sorry to hear of so many people in similar situations. I really hope that you manage to get help from the various suggestions. Food banks don't ask for any proof - please use them. If your child is school age, ask the school for help. As a teacher I'd be devastated to hear that parents were missing meals to make ends meet. We couldn't use the school budget obviously, but have community links to support families. I also second asking your work - if in a restaurant surely they would help. DaffodilDaffodil
I have found a good bank near me that I have contacted :) it’s broke me but needs must! I don’t work in the restaurant any more, they were so helpful during the pandemic ❤️
OP posts:
NCTDN · 07/04/2022 11:07

Well done for contacting them. I truly hope you get the support from your community x

madmumofteens · 07/04/2022 11:43

So glad that you have got in touch with your local Foodbank OP needs must. I am sure the volunteers are as lovely to you as the women I work alongside at ours 💐

Allsquishedin · 07/04/2022 12:31

Just wanting to go back to the bike suggestion as I have been thinking about it. I use £10 a day and it equates to around 50 miles. I do 21 miles each way plus various mileage at work over the week. My commute takes me 30 minutes in the car, it would be three times that on a bike and further because a significant part of the route is prohibited for cycles. That is in no way a feasible option.

AmeliaEarhart · 07/04/2022 22:26

@Allsquishedin

Just wanting to go back to the bike suggestion as I have been thinking about it. I use £10 a day and it equates to around 50 miles. I do 21 miles each way plus various mileage at work over the week. My commute takes me 30 minutes in the car, it would be three times that on a bike and further because a significant part of the route is prohibited for cycles. That is in no way a feasible option.
Obviously cycling isn’t going to be a feasible option for everyone. But according to the National Transport Survey in 2020, 59% of all car journeys in England were under 5 miles, so there are definitely some people out there who could switch to cycling to save money on fuel.
CoastalWave · 10/04/2022 10:42

It's hard when you feel you don't have anything to cut back on. I read all these threads about how to cut costs, and think well that's how I've been living for the last 5 or so years. Now what!

My lovely friend gave me £50 for my birthday on the insistence it was spend on myself not on bills etc. I actually cried when I used it for the food shop and then had to lie to her that I'd bought some make up and perfume with it. It helped massively though.

My kids are on pupil premium and we haven't had anything for the school holidays.

CoastalWave · 10/04/2022 10:53

Agree. I'm all for people getting what they are entitled to but fsm for potentially another six years after the period of hardship has ended just seems bizarre and I'm really surprised this happens to be honest.

I might add, our children are on Forever 6 and I'll be forever bloody grateful. We lost 100% of our income in the pandemic and we are still massively massively in debt now. That's WHY it last 6 years. They accept that even if you get back on your feet technically with an income, you've probably accumulated huge debts which don't disappear over night. If i'm 100% honest, I don't actually think I can afford to send the kids in with a packed lunch every day and the stress it's removing by not having to is immense. I might add my kids despise their hot meals and beg every day to take a packed lunch. I'm unbelievably grateful for the support and knowing they're getting at least one meal a day.

Obviously, there's always going to be an exception - someone who lands a £100k a year job and genuinely doesn't need it. I'm aware that if that's the case you can ask for your entitlement to be spent elsewhere (it's mainly spent on support anyway , the free meals bit isn't the only entitlement) One would hope if this were the case the person would do the right thing, surely?

ReadyToMoveIt · 10/04/2022 11:03

@CoastalWave I suspect examples like that (people going from nothing to high earning with no lasting consequences from their prior poverty) are extremely few and far between, and are just used as a stick to beat claimants with.
I’d rather the 99% of people who needed the hell it got it, even if the other 1% is families who get something they don’t need, than no one get it at all.

ReadyToMoveIt · 10/04/2022 11:04

Help, not hell!

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 10/04/2022 12:06

@CoastalWave totally agree with you. I lost 100% of my income in lockdown 1 too. It took 6 months to get another job (with a big drop in salary). I'm still not back on my feet over a year later. The FSMs and ££ in holidays are a godsend.

closetmeupandshootmetotheskies · 10/04/2022 12:24

@Littlemissdan

Is it just me that the whole cost of living thing is getting too much for? I actually had a (very small and no one watching!) cry in asda when I saw some reduced bakery goods because I didn’t know if I could afford them alongside my entire smartprice shop. £30 I had for a 2 week shop including nappies, and it just broke me that I actually had to wonder if I could afford a 55p treat for my kids. I can’t believe we’re living like this, 3 years ago we were comfortable and now I’m relying on the free school meals half term vouchers. Not really looking for advice or budgeting advice here, just a bit of solidarity really :(
No way are you being unreasonable at all. Seriously OP. I can be a gigantic prick at times, but what you're going through is rubbish and horrible and I genuinely feel for you.

Not sure what to advise or how to help, but going off my own experiences, foodbanks can be a crapshoot if they're the ones the DWP suggest as they make you prove income and it takes time.

I had a lot of joy a few years back with the local Mosque of all places, They run a charity in the community, a foodbank, and no proof of income needed (not that I had it, it was an awful time for me) no faff. They drove to my home with a beautiful massive box of stuff, right down to a tin opener, shower gel, sanitary stuff and toothpaste.

Well worth a try in your local area, though I get you won't want to say where that is.

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/04/2022 13:53

@CoastalWave

Agree. I'm all for people getting what they are entitled to but fsm for potentially another six years after the period of hardship has ended just seems bizarre and I'm really surprised this happens to be honest.

I might add, our children are on Forever 6 and I'll be forever bloody grateful. We lost 100% of our income in the pandemic and we are still massively massively in debt now. That's WHY it last 6 years. They accept that even if you get back on your feet technically with an income, you've probably accumulated huge debts which don't disappear over night. If i'm 100% honest, I don't actually think I can afford to send the kids in with a packed lunch every day and the stress it's removing by not having to is immense. I might add my kids despise their hot meals and beg every day to take a packed lunch. I'm unbelievably grateful for the support and knowing they're getting at least one meal a day.

Obviously, there's always going to be an exception - someone who lands a £100k a year job and genuinely doesn't need it. I'm aware that if that's the case you can ask for your entitlement to be spent elsewhere (it's mainly spent on support anyway , the free meals bit isn't the only entitlement) One would hope if this were the case the person would do the right thing, surely?

yes thats what my friend did

the teacher said what did she want to spend the money on for her child

she said she didnt need it and had said to school about it, but that they are still entitled to it

she said whatever the teacher thought the classroom needed and to spend it on what they liked

and why she donates the food vouchers to the food bank in food she brought with them