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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When you intensely dislike someone at work...

64 replies

PinkAndViolet · 01/04/2022 18:59

Aibu to ask what on earth can you do? We have a new team leader. She is extremely bossy, unapproachable and all of us dislike her and feel on edge when she is around. It's actually ruining my time off as I start worrying about going back to work and dealing with her. How do you handle a situation like this?

OP posts:
BlanketsBanned · 01/04/2022 19:01

Can you speak to your manager

Buttercup54321 · 01/04/2022 19:07

Start looking for a new job. They will get worse. I speak from experience. Good luck xx

ClemDanFango · 01/04/2022 19:08

Be polite but assertive.

Original poster
PinkAndViolet · 01/04/2022 19:22

We all want to walk out. Maybe if we come together, we can make a stand. Today was just awful. Close to tears and on edge the whole time.

OP posts:
TerribleCustomerCervix · 01/04/2022 19:26

Honestly?

I’d start looking for a new role, either internally or with a new employer.

Very few jobs are worth that feeling of dread about going back after the weekend or annual leave.

FloralsForSpring · 01/04/2022 19:28

It won't get better until people start leaving and then only if they bother with truthful exit interviews.

bruce43mydog · 01/04/2022 19:41

Had this befofe in a place i worked. The power of the job has gone to her head. Shes either going to calm her self down and settle into the job or continue on and make everyones life a missery.
Unfortunately myself and others left our jobs after years of this with the deputy manager. Some others she would upset and make cry that they would go on the sick and not return at all. Because they were frightened of her.
She still in her position and is still horrible to staff so i hear.
I feel sorry that you and others are in this position pinkAndViolet. Is there not a manager above her yous could have a word with?
Also dont be worrying. I hope things change soon for all. You dont want to end up ill like i got.

MumUndone · 01/04/2022 19:45

Collective grievance?

Aimee1987 · 01/04/2022 19:52

Leave.
I once had a boss that made me cry and dread going to work. It wont get better

latriciamcneal · 01/04/2022 19:56

This happened to me and there were complaints made about her, we were all interviewed, and she was fired. If she's having a negative impact on team morale, you should all complain.

Manicsfan · 01/04/2022 19:56

Beware standing up first. Others rarely back you. If you are unionised, speak to rep. Start looking for other jobs- its just not worth the hassle.

GooglyEyeballs · 01/04/2022 20:08

I agree with other pps, you need to tackle it united as a team. I doubt much will be done unless you all speak up together.

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 01/04/2022 20:23

@MumUndone

Collective grievance?
I was about to suggest this also.

Strength in numbers. And you don't have to make it personal. It can be factual.

Rosebel · 01/04/2022 20:33

OMG. My husband read this and actually thought I'd written it, although it's my manager not team leader.
I don't have any advice I'm afraid except to leave. I'm desperately applying for every single job going as I can't bear it
Been on A/L for 2 weeks and my last week has been ruined by the thought of going back next Wednesday.
No job is worth the stress. If you do plan a mass exit make sure everyone is actually going to follow through. Lots of people say they will but then don't.

Toseland · 01/04/2022 20:35

She’s new. I agree with the Bruce above; she’ll hopefully chill out in a bit if she hasn’t got an evil streak, if she has try to move.

PebbleMillAtOne · 01/04/2022 20:37

I smile to the bitches face
I am polite to the bitch
I never gossip about the bitch
It pisses the bitch off so much

SlothyMoth · 01/04/2022 20:39

@PebbleMillAtOne

I smile to the bitches face I am polite to the bitch I never gossip about the bitch It pisses the bitch off so much
Grin

I like your style.

OP, what does this team lead do that annoys everyone?

DrManhattan · 01/04/2022 20:43

Leave. You aren't gonna get anywhere with a grievance. Don't waste your time

Londonderry34 · 01/04/2022 20:52

Have never forgotten them. Just wish someone had told the younger me that they are simply inadequate.

Original poster
PinkAndViolet · 01/04/2022 22:27

She is incredibly bossy and demanding.
She always looks at us disapprovingly as if we are young kids not meeting her expectations.
She speaks rudely and snaps at us.
Very critical and never praises or supports.
She has alienated everybody in the team. Some are very angry. Others like me are very upset and on edge. Our department has been struggling for a while so she has been brought in to help improve things but her presence is making everything worse. A leader cannot lead and change things for the better if people are scared of them or find them intimidating and rude. No people skills at all and the thought of going back on Monday is making me feel sick. I know it will be on my mind all this weekend and I will not be able to unwind.

OP posts:
hulahooper2 · 01/04/2022 22:31

Speak to her manager and involve your union if you have one

PaperTyger · 01/04/2022 23:01

I don't op but if other feel same way why not join up? They can't sack you all She can't pick on one?
I feel so lucky I love my team but one or two people I massively struggle with but only due to small things really.

HellToTheNope · 01/04/2022 23:09

Nothing will change until she drives out every good worker the place has got.

Thegingerpig · 01/04/2022 23:11

I am exactly in the same position as you. My manager is unsupportive and unapproachable. She comes across as being very aggressive, gives little praise and has her favourites in the team. I despise her. I have been offered a new job so only have 3 weeks left with her, thank god. The only option for me was to leave. She’ll never change.

Whitefire · 01/04/2022 23:16

Sorry you are going through this, but I agree with others, look to get out. 20 years on I still feel anxious at the thought of coming across her either with my professional hat on or as someone needing to access the service she works in.

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