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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When you intensely dislike someone at work...

64 replies

PinkAndViolet · 01/04/2022 18:59

Aibu to ask what on earth can you do? We have a new team leader. She is extremely bossy, unapproachable and all of us dislike her and feel on edge when she is around. It's actually ruining my time off as I start worrying about going back to work and dealing with her. How do you handle a situation like this?

OP posts:
Murdoch1949 · 03/04/2022 22:30

Definitely do not let this go. Talk to your colleagues and decide upon collective action. Start documenting incidents so you have specific examples to highlight. Get an appointment with a senior manager, maybe two of you to go. Calmly set out the issues, what has been happening, how your workers are feeling. Ask what they intend to do about it. This is really a perfect example of why unionising in a workplace is essential. The union will advise, support and attend difficult meetings with you. This manager is totally out of order and if you continue to let it go they will get worse, treating people even worse than currently.

L0stinCyberspace · 03/04/2022 23:03

@Manicsfan

Beware standing up first. Others rarely back you. If you are unionised, speak to rep. Start looking for other jobs- its just not worth the hassle.
100% agree. I was the one who spoke up, it's been he'll and no justice despite everything.
AffIt · 03/04/2022 23:47

If there have been ongoing issues in your department for a while to the extent that a new and seemingly aggressive lead has been brought in, then you are being 'managed out'.

Take sick leave if you can and look for a new job. This problem has been taken out of your hands.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 03/04/2022 23:50

Leave.

I had a boss like this and he lost all the branches' loyal staff under his leadership.

It wasn't worth it.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 04/04/2022 00:25

What problems has she been brought in to resolve? Why were there problems in the first place?. She may not be going about it in the right way, she may be over the top, or maybe your previous manager was too far the other way, if there are problems that need resolving. Either way if you feel like this you need to look for another job

Original poster
PinkAndViolet · 04/04/2022 22:36

Failed an inspection and there were gaps in staff knowledge although I wasn't the one spoken to by the inspector at the time. This just seems crazy to me because they are strengthening their leadership team but nobody feels they can approach this woman, feel scared, angry or uneasy around her and none of us want to be there. She has alienated everyone. Not sure how this is meant to benefit the company or workers at all.
I know I have no option but to leave.

OP posts:
blueshoes · 04/04/2022 23:39

@Manicsfan

Beware standing up first. Others rarely back you. If you are unionised, speak to rep. Start looking for other jobs- its just not worth the hassle.
Sadly, I also agree with. Most people are all talk and no trouser. Just looking out for themselves and riding on your coat tails. Not your problem. Look for another job and don't tell anyone else. Easiest is to move on.
Rosebel · 05/04/2022 18:57

How are you feeling today? Has work been okay?
I'm feeling sick with anxiety at going back. I can't afford to go sick but am desperately depressed at going back, just wondered if things were going better for you

Original poster
PinkAndViolet · 05/04/2022 22:28

I called in sick today. Yesterday was awful again and was sobbing in the early hours of this morning, just the thought of going back in. So I didn't.
Going to try and get signed off sick with stress tomorrow.

I am thinking of you. Stay strong and know there is someone (me) wishing you well and rooting for you. You are worth so much more than this bully. Please do not forget that.

OP posts:
mariepopp · 06/04/2022 00:33

You shouldn't be made to feel like this in the workplace. How many of you in the dept that report to this person? Sorry you're in the situation.

supersonicspider · 06/04/2022 01:28

You need to befriend her. One woman in my workplace is pretty central to the smooth running of the admin side of things but she's a battleaxe and no one likes her because she's rude and blunt. Despite her pissing me off multiple times, I decided to get to know her and express lots of gratitude for any tasks she does which help me. This worked a treat and now she is nice to me, and things are much for pleasant all round.
I have one other colleague who is self centred and rude. He is my next and final 'project'. I've started by simply saying hello or good morning to him. He seems like a git but would be good to have on side as he's fairly influential.

malificent7 · 06/04/2022 06:27

Why are so many of these shit managers around. I have one...she's away atm...bliss.

Thermalpants · 06/04/2022 07:53

Another vote for try to find another job. I was bullied by my boss at work. I told her manager. HR was involved. That made everything much worse. I left not long after that. The lady who took over from me got in touch to ask if I was bullied by her. The bully started on my replacement as soon as I left. She treated other people badly. They moaned but did not stand up with me. Don’t rely on anyone at work to help. Most are all just talk.

I hope you are okay. I remember how bad I felt back then, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I would still feel anxious now if I spotted her whilst out.

Original poster
PinkAndViolet · 06/04/2022 12:38

Thanks all. Off sick again, frantically looking for another job.
Just so low in self esteem now that it's made even harder. I just worry the same thing will happen somewhere else.

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