To let my toddler (3yo next month) skip his nap

[marykitty]

My toddler will be 3yo next month.
Since circa 1 month he is fighting his nap. I tried everything because i really want him to nap but he just does not want to sleep.

He becomes overtired right before sleep time though. But if he naps, he is then awake until 10PM! He goes to daycare 1x week and he naps there, 1 hour more or less.

My DH and MIL think he is too young to drop his last nap and i have to find a solution. Basically they told me i need to try harder. But honestly i cannot wait next to him for 2 hours in the dark every day while he is complaining he does not want to sleep.
Only way to make him fall asleep is driving around in the car.

At what age did your toddler drop the last nap? Do you think i should try harder?

My DS is 21 months and has only napped twice this week 🤷🏼‍♀️ you can't force them to sleep if they're not tired.

Total rubbish from DH and MIL, it depends on the child, everyone is different. My youngest got to the same stage at 2.5yrs, couldn’t sleep at night if had a nap, dropped the nap and back to great night sleeping. My older one still needed a nap well past 3, had no issues sleeping at night as well. A few years on the older one still needs more sleep, younger one just doesn’t - they are different kids. Ignore any judgement! You know your child and what they need.

Just 3 sounds about right to stop napping, any older than that is quite late and you can't make a child sleep if he doesn't need to. Most young children are tired and grumpy when they first drop their nap, it's a transition and will sort itself out. Your mil needs to butt out.

DC1 stopped napping the day DC2 was born. He was pretty much exactly 2. DC2 did the same.

If they napped when they were three, it was because they were ill.

My 2 1/2 year old has dropped his nap mostly, occasionally need a half hour one if very busy morning or disturbed night. He sleeps 7-7:30 at night now. They are all different but I think he will probably manage better than you expect

Naps were gone here when they moved from baby/wobbler room to toddler room. So probably around 2 - both were in bed at 7:30 and slept for the night - stories, cuddles, night light on, no lying beside them etc. So I know I was lucky - that sounds really draining and frustrating. I would be having a "chat". Parenting is hard enough when both on the same page! and two parents are enough MIL!

It’s not “so early” though. It’s very normal. Both of mine had dropped by 2.5 and it made life much easier. I thought dropping between 2 and 2.5 was pretty average.

Nursery can cut the nap if you ask. From 2 mine wasn’t allowed to nap more than about 45 mins at nursery.

22 months and 25 months 😢. I was so jealous of people whose children napped past 2.

@Dishwashersaurous

I've honestly never heard of a four year napping as opposed to a very rare sleep on a busy day or if sick.

I do know one person (one!) whose children will nap if she asks them to / lets them. They are 3 and 5. I guess it’s kind of a great skill to have and means they can have an afternoon nap on a holiday and then stay up late but I don’t think it’s typical at all. My 5 year old can’t nap in the day even when ill, it’s like his body just won’t let him.

My eldest was still napping at 4. My younger two we’re probably around 2 - 21/2.

I've honestly never heard of a four year napping as opposed to a very rare sleep on a busy day or if sick.

Three seems quite late to be having a long nap every day.

Most 3 year olds have dropped their nap on an everyday basis.

There is a huge variation between 2-4yr olds in terms of sleep. There are many 4yr olds who still nap, and many 2yr olds who don't. None of that is right or wrong. Napping depends on many factors and will be specific to the family. Comments like the above make people think they are doing something wrong if their child still sleeps after 3yrs which is definitely not the case.

The main reason children struggle to sleep at night is because they are overtired so it might be worth making bedtime earlier when he first drops the nap.

Mine stopped napping at 2. They both went to preschool 3 long days a week and there wasn't a set nap time then.

You need to talk to your husband. Why is he ganging up on you with his mum. Why is your mum getting involved? Does your husband sort nap time ever? If not- why is he telling you how to do it?

Also you say daycare so are you in the US?

Because in the UK from about 2.5 they normally move to the preschool room and they don't expect them to nap.

No nap and a 7-7 sleep is probably what you want

I'm v surprised it's 50-50 with your friends because I know one three year old out of many who still naps, and at my child's pre-school any child age 3 who wants a nap has to go back to the toddler room for it. The expectation at the nursery is that they manage the day without a nap. Do your DH and MIL actually have much experience with children or are they just making their advice up?

@Oriunda

If you’re in the UK, your child will be going to school when they’re 4. They won’t be able to nap then.

England, not UK. Education is not the same across all countries of the UK.

Depends on the child. My 4.5 yo still naps every single day without fail. I’ve tried to wean them off it because I’m worried about starting school but they’re not having it.

I’m the envy of most of my friends though because their DC all dropped theirs months and in some cases years ago!

Agree with those saying quiet time instead. I wouldn’t be sitting in the dark for hours in the hope they become tired enough.

My DS dropped all his naps by 2 but occasionally he still has one, if we’re in the car on a relatively long journey early afternoon (about the time that I could do with a nap too quite frankly!). I can’t remember when my DD stopped napping but she’s only 5 now, so how your MIL remembers from her own experience that 3yo is too young is beyond me! I only remember about my DS because it coincided with when he changed nursery. I have a know-it-all MIL too and it’s a complete pain in the behind so I have massive sympathy with OP. If you feel comfortable enough, say ‘I’m his mother and I’ll decide what’s best for my DC thank you, I understand you may disagree but my child, my decision and I will deal with the consequences of that decision transpires to be the wrong one’. I wish I had the strength to have stood up for myself from the outset.

What is your DH doing to help then? He is a father too

Your husband and mother-in-law are being ridiculous. If they are that set on your child having a nap, tell them to spend those two hours every day trying to get him to have a nap.

I'd drop nap and encourage quiet time instead.

None of the 3 yr olds I know nap. My ds is 3 in June and he currently naps every other day. That has been led by him. Whenever bedtime gets disrupted, as it has for your ds, it’s time to look at naps. And at the age of 3 it’s v unusual to be napping every day if at all. Why do they think he is too young? Is that based on their knowledge of other children the same age?

I have 3 children. One dropped her naps at around 3, one at exactly 2 and the youngest has nearly dropped them at 2y9m, he's just having about two per week at the moment. Unless you're happy for him to be awake until 10pm then it sounds like your DS is ready to drop his.

DS2 stopped at 14months. He would stand up in the cot and bang the side against the wall. He dozed in the buggy at school pickup time but that was all.

My nearly 3 year old hasnt napped since just after turning 2!

Your DH and MIL aren't having to do it every day, you are. It is, quite frankly, none of their business.

Drop the nap, it is absolutely pointless. If DH is so insistent he has one, then when he's home, go out and leave him to do it.