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AIBU?

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Original poster

To let my toddler (3yo next month) skip his nap

110 replies

marykitty · 01/04/2022 14:32

My toddler will be 3yo next month.
Since circa 1 month he is fighting his nap. I tried everything because i really want him to nap but he just does not want to sleep.

He becomes overtired right before sleep time though. But if he naps, he is then awake until 10PM! He goes to daycare 1x week and he naps there, 1 hour more or less.

My DH and MIL think he is too young to drop his last nap and i have to find a solution. Basically they told me i need to try harder. But honestly i cannot wait next to him for 2 hours in the dark every day while he is complaining he does not want to sleep.
Only way to make him fall asleep is driving around in the car.

At what age did your toddler drop the last nap? Do you think i should try harder?

OP posts:
zealouslemur · 01/04/2022 15:03

It doesn't have to be a nap every day or never. Mine dropped her naps at home before the ones at nursery (3 days a week). I think she was about 2.5. Totally normal amongst people I know to drop the last nap between 2.5-3, I don't think many 3 year olds nap every single day.
I'd start by skipping the nap on some days when he doesn't seem to want/need it, but probably not 2 days running, and move bedtime a bit earlier.

Cuddlywaterfall · 01/04/2022 15:04

Both mine dropped their naps just after their 2nd birthday. We had quiet time after lunch with Peppa Pig etc (while I snoozed!). They would be out like lights at 7pm for 11-12 hours! They would still nod off in the car if it was a particularly long trip or busy day.
Don't torture yourself, just bring bedtime forward a bit if he's really knackered by 6

Chonfox · 01/04/2022 15:06

No child I know is still napping by three. Many would if let and mine would have fallen asleep on a car journey etc. but it would mean being awake half the night. My ex childminder used to let children fall asleep on the couch watching tv out of laziness. I always felt sorry for the poor parents trying to get them to sleep that night!

peachgreen · 01/04/2022 15:06

Mine has quiet time in her bed with her tablet instead. It's great because she always wants to go for it because I don't let her have her tablet any other time. It's usually for an hour but if I fancy a cheeky snooze I'll leave her longer!

Darkstar4855 · 01/04/2022 15:07

Mine stopped napping at just over two. If I let him nap now, bedtime is a nightmare! YANBU.

AyeEee123 · 01/04/2022 15:08

None of my four were napping by three. They did go to bed by 7pm instead though which was much better.

Whatever00 · 01/04/2022 15:10

My eldest hasn't napped since 18 months. She was fighting naps and hitting and kicking me. Instead we have quiet time. She sits in her room with her books. Or will ask for music (classical) or stories (talking books). She has an hour quiet time a day. It's enough for her to relax and me to get on with household tasks.

wtfwasthatmate · 01/04/2022 15:10

My two year old still naps 2-3 hours. Is that not normal?! Now I'm worried!!

Cluelessmouse · 01/04/2022 15:12

Your issues are your MIL getting involved in your parenting
Your Dh allowing this
Your DH lecturing you
Anyone judging you and telling you you need to try harder as a parent.

Tell MIL to Mind her business.
Tell DH he better not involve MIL to gang up on you ever again
And don’t let DH lecture you, you have a discussion as adults.

Why on earth does a child who doesn’t want or need a nap, have to nap?
Can you drop the nap but give some quiet time in the middle of the day and also put him to bed half an hour or so earlier until he gets used to it, as you say he’s a bit cranky around bedtime.

EezyOozy · 01/04/2022 15:12

I'm feeling a bit shortchanged because my nearly 3-year-old hasn't napped for about 15 months!

EmpressSuiko · 01/04/2022 15:20

Both of mine stopped napping before the age of 1 and no matter what I tried they refused to nap, it made the nights much harder for a whirs but eventually they settled into a routine

Sunnytwobridges · 01/04/2022 15:20

My DD never napped, even as an infant. Maybe 20 mins a couple times a day. It was extremely frustrating because I never got any downtime.
Then when she went to daycare/preschool they let me know that she never slept during nap time so they let her read quietly instead. Some kids just don't nap, or it throws their sleep cycle off.

RandomQuest · 01/04/2022 15:30

@ellenpartridge

Are you in the US? I've noticed there seems to be more expectations of older kids still napping there. In the UK I think it's quite rare for a 3 year old to nap and almost unheard of at 4.

Mine stopped napping by 2.5.

In your shoes I would 100% drop the nap.

Good point, MIL isn’t American is she OP?

When we lived over there DD’s daycare got pulled up in their state inspection because they didn’t have dedicated nap space for the pre-K class which is equivalent to reception in the U.K., because obviously none of them actually napped.

CLC22 · 01/04/2022 15:31

My son is 3 and doesn’t nap as it keeps his bed time routine to 7-7, he hasn’t napped for maybe 1.5 years. Occasionally he will fall asleep on the sofa but very rare

Goodbyetowinter · 01/04/2022 15:39

A nap at 3? Mine all refused from 12 months. You have been so lucky.

Everydayimhuffling · 01/04/2022 15:40

My 3 year old hasn't napped for at least a year unless she's ill. My not yet 2 year old is down to 1 hour and I think it might be on its way out. Is your DH home at weekends? He'd better do the naps tomorrow and the next day, and see if he can try hard enough Hmm

popandchoc · 01/04/2022 15:45

Mine both stopped napping most days just after 2. If they needed one they had one, otherwise didn't worry about it.

usernotfound0000 · 01/04/2022 15:48

Child dependent but both mine had dropped naps by 2.5. If the nap is being fought or bedtime is a nightmare because of a nap then it is time for them to go. You could try initally just limiting to 30-45 mins and see how that affects bedtime. But it is normal by 3 to not need a nap.

mynameiscalypso · 01/04/2022 15:50

My rule is that nobody is allowed to criticise anything sleep-related (in terms of routines etc) unless they are the ones dealing with the fall out!

My DS is 3 in August. He naps at nursery but hasn't napped at home for a few weeks. We also had 10/11pm bedtimes and it was a nightmare because we didn't get any evening and we would still have to get DS up at 7am for nursery and so he was exhausted and getting into a really bad cycle.

I'd bloody love it if he did nap but he's not tired enough to need it so there's not much I can do about it.

Suedomin · 01/04/2022 15:54

Many children drop their naps when they are two and only nap occasionally when they are particularly tired Three seems quite late to be having a long nap every day.

Dishwashersaurous · 01/04/2022 15:54

A three year old is not a toddler

The vast majority of children start to stop napping from 2 and most by about 2.5 years

2bazookas · 01/04/2022 15:55

I don't think mine napped to that age.
There is a horrible stage when they no longer nap but are really tired and crabby by late afternoon. I sugest you adjust their daily routine a bit. Instead of nap after lunch, go for a walk or play outside. 4 pm, drink of milk or very small snack. By late afternoon (4.15 on) , time for a small either TV or calm wind-down activities indoors. Expect babyish behaviour . Feed him his evening meal a little earlier (5) then bath and into pyjamas so that when he really droops he's all ready for story (on your lap, in his bedroom) and tuck him into bed. with his teddies for company. Curtains closed, lights off. It helps to have some little routine set remarks you both always say , to signal he's cosy and safe and sleepy.

If you sit with him, at that conversational age you're probably keeping him awake and stimulated. Tell him its his quiet time now and if he has any ideas he can chat to Ted. Leave the room.

starlightmagic · 01/04/2022 15:57

Sometimes my 2 year old doesn’t nap, partners nearly 3 year old rarely naps unless he’s very tired or poorly

Oriunda · 01/04/2022 15:57

If you’re in the UK, your child will be going to school when they’re 4. They won’t be able to nap then.

Dishwashersaurous · 01/04/2022 15:57

I've honestly never heard of a four year napping as opposed to a very rare sleep on a busy day or if sick.