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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex has taken kids passports

81 replies

Jodiebrighton · 01/04/2022 10:30

Hi,

I currently live with my ex with our 2 children. We are separated and looking to move on with buyouts or selling the family home. I've just noticed the kids passports are missing and mine has been left. Should I be worried? Can I request these are kept in the house or in a location with a neutral friend. They didn't mention they were taking them.

OP posts:
Thatsajokeright · 01/04/2022 10:32

I'd report them lost, personally. Taking them without discussion would strike me as suspicious. ... Assuming your ex has residency in other countries?

girlmom21 · 01/04/2022 10:33

Do you both have parental responsibility? Whose name do the kids have? They can't legally take them out the country without your approval. Maybe they're worried you might try it?

Original poster
Jodiebrighton · 01/04/2022 10:35

We both have parental responsibility and the kids have his name.

OP posts:
MacaroniCheeseCat · 01/04/2022 10:39

Are you all British citizens? Do any of you have an entitlement to a second citizenship? Or significant ties to another country?

user3837313202 · 01/04/2022 10:40

@MacaroniCheeseCat

Are you all British citizens? Do any of you have an entitlement to a second citizenship? Or significant ties to another country?
This - and if there are second citizenships involved are those countries signatories to the Hague Convention?
Original poster
Jodiebrighton · 01/04/2022 10:42

Both British and no links to other countries. He works on the airport as cabin crew

OP posts:
DifficultBloodyWoman · 01/04/2022 11:00

Both British and no links to other countries - probably a control tactic on his part.

But report them as stolen and get replacements just in case.

KrisAkabusi · 01/04/2022 11:04

Why are people saying to report them stolen when she hasn't even asked if he has them yet? Why wouldn't you ask? There could be a very simple explanation. If you don't get one fine, replace them, but why go straight to the nuclear option?

Footballsundays6777 · 01/04/2022 11:06

It doesn’t really matter who has them as long as they are avaliable to both parties should either wish to go abroad.
Maybe ask him? Do it on the oh just checking we’ve not lost them type of question.

Swayingpalmtrees · 01/04/2022 11:24

Surely it is strange he didn't actually discuss it with you before taking them? People saying just ask are not factoring in that HE did not ask or speak to op beforehand. I would proceed with caution. I would see him face to face at his house and ask for him to return them to you, if he says he does not have them/lost etc then I would report them stolen.

I would be concerned. I would probably start making a record of incidents. How old are your children? Has he ever had plans to live overseas? Easy to do with a job in the airline industry.

Aprilx · 01/04/2022 11:27

Ask him where they are. If he doesn’t know, report them lost and get new ones.

MacaroniCheeseCat · 01/04/2022 12:12

I would definitely ask where they are. If he has them, I’d ask him to return them. If he refuses, then I’d tell him you’re reporting them as stolen unless he’s prepared to either return them or agree to have them held by a neutral third party such as a solicitor, who won’t release them without the consent of both parties - if that’s an option, I’ve never been in this situation myself.

TooMuchPaper · 01/04/2022 12:17

You often see that advice on here to women who are separating - take the children's passports. And they are not stolen - he has parental responsibility.

Original poster
Jodiebrighton · 01/04/2022 12:51

I have messaged him as I needed mine and saw the others were gone. He hasn't replied and is away until Sunday eve. If he says he has them for safe keeping then ok but I'll highlighted he didn't mentioned this previously. But I like the idea of a third party keeping them.

It says he has read the message but he not replied.

OP posts:
Swayingpalmtrees · 01/04/2022 13:20

It is very controlling - taking the passports without a word.

Reading the message and ignoring it.

Do you have birth certificates etc? Where are the kids now?

bluegreygreen · 01/04/2022 13:29

It is very controlling - taking the passports without a word

It's also what posters here are frequently advised to do

Helenluvsrob · 01/04/2022 13:31

He’s playing games.
Declare them lost. Get replacements.
Discuss with non emergency police if needs be express your concern ge may take them our of the country without your consent. If he does it’s clearly an utter pain in the bum to get them back even from countries we do have agreements with.

ApolloandDaphne · 01/04/2022 13:36

Why is it that a woman is advised to take the passports when they spilt but men are accused of nefarious reasons if they do the same? We don't know the OP. Her ex may have concerns about her taking off with the kids.

Sorry OP. I am not making you out to be a shady character. Just asking a question!

Namechangehereandnow · 01/04/2022 13:37

If it were me, I’d be worried. I would have waited though and asked him face to face - no way would I have given him forewarning. Do yous still get on/is everything amicable?

ProudAlly · 01/04/2022 14:00

Have your solicitor request them and then have then stored at your solicitor.

Georgeskitchen · 01/04/2022 14:11

Have you searched the house in case they have been hidden elsewhere?

Original poster
Jodiebrighton · 01/04/2022 14:19

@ApolloandDaphne

Why is it that a woman is advised to take the passports when they spilt but men are accused of nefarious reasons if they do the same? We don't know the OP. Her ex may have concerns about her taking off with the kids.

Sorry OP. I am not making you out to be a shady character. Just asking a question!

It's a fair point. We are not getting on perfectly but thats because of our situation. We are amicable in front of the kids. There is lots to sort out with the breakup and he accused me of harassment and intimidation as I asked him about documenting payments made for the kids. He said he would go to the police unless I only speak to him via text.
OP posts:
Original poster
Jodiebrighton · 01/04/2022 14:21

The birth certificates are with the passports. They could have been moved but strange mine are there on their own and now he has read the text but not replied. These children will not be leaving my sight until the passports are returned.

OP posts:
Swayingpalmtrees · 01/04/2022 14:23

here is lots to sort out with the breakup and he accused me of harassment and intimidation as I asked him about documenting payments made for the kids. He said he would go to the police unless I only speak to him via text

Given that update I would cancel the passports immediately.

Contact the local police station. Given his job and easy options to move overseas I would be very very careful.

Swayingpalmtrees · 01/04/2022 14:24

If you log it with the police you will have recorded your concerns, but also secondary evidence that you have not contacted him in person/by phone and sought their advice.