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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

AIBU or..

71 replies

MujosMama · 31/03/2022 14:16

So I am 21 weeks pregnant and my other half is currently on nights, meaning that I am not sleeping as usually one of us goes in with the toddler who does not sleep through and one of us has the baby who also does not sleep through. I've had both, and been working days. I'm feeling very tired and stressed and I cannot figure out if I am overreacting to this dentist situation. I may just need to rant.

I've been trying to get my youngest a dentist appointment since September. He is now almost exactly a year old and has had teeth for 6 months, so per the advice I scheduled his first appointment when those teeth first came through. Firstly his October appointment was cancelled because the dentist ran out of NHS treatment slots. Ridiculous, but not their fault, rescheduled for December. My other half took him but also had to take our middle son who was almost 2 at the time. They were turned away because the middle child had a runny nose. Despite the fact that he wasn't the child being seen and we'd done a negative covid test on him, they were turned away. Ok. Frustrating. Had a conversation with them about it, but understand the reasoning I guess although I'm not sure there's ever a time in the winter where one of my young children is not coldy. Couldn't get another appointment until last week. The day before, got the call to confirm but agreed to reschedule as this time the child actually being seen did have a cold. So we ended up at today. I turned up at the door at 12.51 for a 12.50 appointment, having got both children out of the car (no childcare today, I took a day off work as usually both kids go to my in laws on Thursdays but today I took it off specifically because of this dentist appointment; as previously noted hubs is on nights so sleeping). Getting both kids out the car with SPD is fun. Wait outside to be acknowledged as not allowed to enter. Get told to wait while they check with the dentist if he can still see me as I'm late?? Ok at that point its 12.53, I checked my phone. Then get told he can't see me as my appointment is halfway done. At that point it is 12.55. They close for an hour for lunch at 1. I've done plenty of these young kids appointments. It's a 10 second look in the mouth because that's all you can hold them down to do. In and out. I just looked at her and burst into tears and walked away. I know it's not her fault so I didn't say anything, I was just so frustrated that I had got them into the car and out for nothing only to then get them back to the car and back home and then have to call and reschedule and do it all AGAIN, when I've been trying to do this for 6 months. The middle one was grumpy because 12.30-1 is usually when he goes down for a nap but I took this appointment because it was all they had.

So am I just being a dick because I was late?? Are they just being cautious with the rescheduling?? I'm at the point where I am seriously considering moving dentists, but I don't know if anywhere else would be different?

OP posts:
Sidisawetlettuce · 31/03/2022 14:19

YABVU to use the term 'Karen'.

Donkeyinamanger · 31/03/2022 14:20

It does sound OTT on the part of the dentist.

Iheartmysmart · 31/03/2022 14:21

@Sidisawetlettuce

YABVU to use the term 'Karen'.
Yep. Can’t be bothered to even read your post if you are going to use that term.
MerchSwyddEfrog · 31/03/2022 14:21

You are being unreasonable to use a misogynistic term on a parenting website mainly for women.

ClenchYourButtocks · 31/03/2022 14:21

But you were late for your appointment!

HardRockOwl · 31/03/2022 14:21

Oh god DONT do the whole 'Karen' thing. It makes me not give a shit about your op

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 31/03/2022 14:21

Put your own name into this, OP, and see how it feels -karenismyname.org/renamer

Dinosauria · 31/03/2022 14:21

Your title is offensive

incognitoforthisone · 31/03/2022 14:21

If you'd been 10 minutes late or something, I'd have said YWBU, but honestly I think they were being a bit shit given you were there and ready to go in only three minutes after your appointment time. I know they have to be strict on timings, but as you say, basically all they would do is count the child's teeth and check there was no obvious decay. It wouldn't have had a knock-on effect on the next patient or anything. At the absolute most it might have knocked 2 minutes off your dentist's lunch break.

stuntbubbles · 31/03/2022 14:22

Just here to watch the thread go rapidly haywire because of “Karen” and dissolve into a frothing heap, ignoring the original point

Bootothegoose · 31/03/2022 14:22

YANBU however I’m sure many will say you are.

The health service is on its knees and unfortunately takes far more of a business approach than it seemed to do years ago. In my experience even if your 2 minutes late they can refuse to see you but if they keep you waiting for however long it’s fine because they’re ‘running behind’.

The first two instances are not good. Did you complain to the practice manager at the time? As frustrating as it is, complaint lies with the government and the hideous lack of funding that makes accessing appointments difficult. Hopefully they will be able to see your boy again ASAP, however in this instance I do see why they sent you away.

Saying that I think it’s heartless and poor service, then again. The dentist probably needs the hour and has to run a one rule for all otherwise would never get a break.

buzzandwoodyallday · 31/03/2022 14:22

It's all a bit of a crappy situation, but you should've got there earlier tbh. It wouldn't have killed them to see you anyway, but this time it is your fault that you got turned away. Leave more time to get the kids ready and out of the house next time. And I say this as a mother of 2 with just 12 months between them - I know how hard it is to get out with 2 young ones in tow, and you do have to be super organised. Good luck for next time.

YoYoYoYoSup · 31/03/2022 14:22

YABU. It's your choice to put yourself in this position to be pregnant and suffering again with no support with 2 very young children already who don't sleep. I would forget the dentist for a while, reschedule for a good few months time when you could maybe arrange childcare for a quick trip out for the one who does need to be seen, you were late regardless of by how much time.

Pixiedust1234 · 31/03/2022 14:22

Using the term Karen is highly offensive. A huge wall of text is also "offensive". What exactly is your problem?

MujosMama · 31/03/2022 14:22

Fucking hell I had no idea using that term was offensive ok. If everyone is going to miss the damn point because of it, can I edit it??

OP posts:
HardRockOwl · 31/03/2022 14:23

I'd ask MNHQ to amend the title for you. Just report your own post.

Dumblebum · 31/03/2022 14:24

You need to ask mnhq to read it, but this site is mainly women and few will respond when you use a derogatory term for us. I also stopped reading,

Dumblebum · 31/03/2022 14:24

Sorry ask mnhq to edit it not read it

gamerchick · 31/03/2022 14:24

You were late they didn't see you. Next time get there a little early. My dentist you have to arrive before your appointment.

Please dont use the term Karen, it will sour the replies before they're typed out.

MujosMama · 31/03/2022 14:24

Wow. Ok. I came on here to get a feel for whether I was being a dick and clearly I am, in lots of ways including daring to have 3 children in quick succession! How dare I 😂😂

OP posts:
Matchingcollarandcuffs · 31/03/2022 14:25

You were late. YABU

raspberrymuffin · 31/03/2022 14:25

You're not being a dick, they are. And I'm struggling to see how they claim to be so short on appointments when they are running bang on time by the end of a morning - medical appointments are never that reliable.

girlmom21 · 31/03/2022 14:26

I kind of feel you should have got there 5 minutes early. I don't understand the relevance of who does what get up with what child, or why it matters that you're 21 weeks pregnant.

I do think that for the sake of a minute or two the dentist could have seen you. I wouldn't have left. I'd have kicked up a fuss.

You did know the term 'Karen' is offensive because you'd never have suggested it if you didn't think it had any connotation.

Newuser82 · 31/03/2022 14:26

I think they could have seen you to be honest.

HelloSpringIveMissedYou · 31/03/2022 14:27

Yep, using the word Karen as a derogatory term is massively offensive.

Lesson learnt, especially posting in AIBU!