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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

AIBU or..

71 replies

MujosMama · 31/03/2022 14:16

So I am 21 weeks pregnant and my other half is currently on nights, meaning that I am not sleeping as usually one of us goes in with the toddler who does not sleep through and one of us has the baby who also does not sleep through. I've had both, and been working days. I'm feeling very tired and stressed and I cannot figure out if I am overreacting to this dentist situation. I may just need to rant.

I've been trying to get my youngest a dentist appointment since September. He is now almost exactly a year old and has had teeth for 6 months, so per the advice I scheduled his first appointment when those teeth first came through. Firstly his October appointment was cancelled because the dentist ran out of NHS treatment slots. Ridiculous, but not their fault, rescheduled for December. My other half took him but also had to take our middle son who was almost 2 at the time. They were turned away because the middle child had a runny nose. Despite the fact that he wasn't the child being seen and we'd done a negative covid test on him, they were turned away. Ok. Frustrating. Had a conversation with them about it, but understand the reasoning I guess although I'm not sure there's ever a time in the winter where one of my young children is not coldy. Couldn't get another appointment until last week. The day before, got the call to confirm but agreed to reschedule as this time the child actually being seen did have a cold. So we ended up at today. I turned up at the door at 12.51 for a 12.50 appointment, having got both children out of the car (no childcare today, I took a day off work as usually both kids go to my in laws on Thursdays but today I took it off specifically because of this dentist appointment; as previously noted hubs is on nights so sleeping). Getting both kids out the car with SPD is fun. Wait outside to be acknowledged as not allowed to enter. Get told to wait while they check with the dentist if he can still see me as I'm late?? Ok at that point its 12.53, I checked my phone. Then get told he can't see me as my appointment is halfway done. At that point it is 12.55. They close for an hour for lunch at 1. I've done plenty of these young kids appointments. It's a 10 second look in the mouth because that's all you can hold them down to do. In and out. I just looked at her and burst into tears and walked away. I know it's not her fault so I didn't say anything, I was just so frustrated that I had got them into the car and out for nothing only to then get them back to the car and back home and then have to call and reschedule and do it all AGAIN, when I've been trying to do this for 6 months. The middle one was grumpy because 12.30-1 is usually when he goes down for a nap but I took this appointment because it was all they had.

So am I just being a dick because I was late?? Are they just being cautious with the rescheduling?? I'm at the point where I am seriously considering moving dentists, but I don't know if anywhere else would be different?

OP posts:

BulletTrain · 31/03/2022 15:34

No, she allowed the fear of being a "Karen" to interfere with her actions for getting proper care and service.

I have no idea what you mean. Absolutely none. Can you "clarify" a bit more?

DrSbaitso · 31/03/2022 15:36

@MujosMama

"No, she allowed the fear of being a "Karen" to interfere with her actions for getting proper care and service."

Sorry what? To be clear, as I have already stated, none of what happened was the receptionists fault so my behaviour would not have been different even if I was sure I was justified in being upset, which, by the very existence of my post, I was not

You started this entire thread to question whether you were in the right.

You were questioning yourself because you were worried that you might be a . That's how such slurs work: to create a nasty, prejudiced stereotype to scare people into not behaving in any way that might cause people to use the slur.

Although if nothing would have changed the way you acted, I'm not sure what exactly you were worried about, or what the purpose of questioning yourself here is.

DrSbaitso · 31/03/2022 15:37

@BulletTrain

No, she allowed the fear of being a "Karen" to interfere with her actions for getting proper care and service.

I have no idea what you mean. Absolutely none. Can you "clarify" a bit more?

OP wants to do X.

OP is scared of doing X because to do X might invite accusations of being a .

That's how slurs work and what they are intended to do.

gamerchick · 31/03/2022 15:41

OP seriously hide the thread. It's just going to go on and on now.

Original poster

MujosMama · 31/03/2022 15:41

"You were questioning yourself because you were worried that you might be a . That's how such slurs work: to create a nasty, prejudiced stereotype to scare people into not behaving in any way that might cause people to use the slur.

Although if nothing would have changed the way you acted, I'm not sure what exactly you were worried about, or what the purpose of questioning yourself here is."

I am not in this for a political debate. I was trying to figure out if my frustrated, tearful reaction was unreasonable; on a thread called "AIBU", to decide my next steps - change dentist? Or just accept that this is how it is?

Honestly, that unreasonable person who would have screamed at the receptionist exists. I am not that person, I'm not afraid of being that person, I was not that person even in my frustration, and I honestly feel like you're devaluating the word "slur" by making the comparison. It implies that people who wouldn't be afraid to treat people poorly, and by extension wouldn't be afraid to have such a slur levied at them, would be somehow better than me

OP posts:

DrSbaitso · 31/03/2022 15:45

Honestly, OP, I don't give a monkey's. They're your teeth, not mine. I was happy to let it drop after MNHQ edited the title but several people, including you, continued to ask me about it so I answered. Get your teeth done, don't get your teeth done, leave early, leave late, start threads questioning yourself, never question yourself, it really is nothing to me. Just lay off the anti-woman slurs and don't let them be the yardstick of your personal choices. You can be assured that however annoying the exchange becomes to me, I'll never slur you for being a woman.

Original poster

MujosMama · 31/03/2022 15:46

@DrSbaitso

They're not even my teeth 😂😂😂 thanks for giving your opinion on what's influencing my behaviour without even reading my post

OP posts:

Pixiedust1234 · 31/03/2022 15:49

Everything about your posts (and previous title) have screamed out that you are sooooo much more important and sooooo super busy that everyone should bend over backwards for you. Life doesn't work that way. The appointment time is for you to be available to sit in the dentists chair not book in. By your own admission you were late for both. Get there 5 minutes early and loiter like the rest of us plebs have to.

Original poster

MujosMama · 31/03/2022 15:54

@Pixiedust1234

Please oh please tell me exactly what gave you this impression? Maybe the bit where I said the reason I didn't show up 5 mins early was because they explicitly told me not to do that, on their website and again by phone when I confirmed the appointment?

OP posts:

Pixiedust1234 · 31/03/2022 16:06

If you can't see how you are coming across (despite others telling you too) then you aren't going to listen to anything else I say. You asked if AIBU? The answer is yes.

Original poster

MujosMama · 31/03/2022 16:09

@Pixiedust1234

If you can't see how you are coming across (despite others telling you too) then you aren't going to listen to anything else I say. You asked if AIBU? The answer is yes.

Right ok, in other words, you can't answer the question. Thanks for the feedback. Definitely borne in mind

OP posts:

BulletTrain · 31/03/2022 16:10

It was the bit about "interfering with [OP's] actions for getting proper care and service" bit I didn't (do not) understand. Do you mean, if OP'd shouted and asked to see the practice manager she may have got in but because of the existence of the "Karen" slur she didn't? I'd argue leaving instead when you're not sure if you are in the right is a positive thing.

stuntbubbles · 31/03/2022 17:05

@Pixiedust1234

She was 60 seconds late. I’m amazed you’re able to get anywhere on time having to drag that attitude around with you.

stuntbubbles · 31/03/2022 17:07

@LilyMumsnet

Hi all

We've now edited the title, as the OP got in touch.
Hopefully we can move on now!

Bless this cheery optimism when Karen’s Box has been opened

Brefugee · 31/03/2022 18:51

I completely get this EXCEPT that they specifically told me not to turn up early!

5 minutes early is normal, but i see from your posts that you don't seem to have done this. Do you really not understand that they don't want you to be 20 minutes early, but 5 is fine by the time they have booked you in and so on.

PinkSyCo · 31/03/2022 18:51

One year olds are supposed to go to the dentist?!! Blimey I don’t think my kids had their first check up until they were around 3! Anyway I digress, I think the dentist should have seen you if you were only a minute or two late.

Original poster

MujosMama · 31/03/2022 19:01

@Brefugee

I completely get this EXCEPT that they specifically told me not to turn up early!

I didn't think that "please don't be early, only come at your scheduled appointment time" meant anything but that, I'm not quite sure why I should have assumed they meant "only come 5 minutes early not 20"? I did post about 4 hours ago now that, from the amount of people that seem to be saying this, that that is what I should do going forward, but I don't see why I should have taken it as anything other than the instructions I was clearly given

OP posts:

winterchills · 31/03/2022 19:32

I would have been annoyed especially as they make u wait outside and tell you not to turn up early (mine also does this) 1 minute late they should have seen you. It's alright when they keep you waiting for ages when their running behind

Appolonia · 01/04/2022 04:00

I would have refused to leave, and escalated it to whomever.

60 seconds late - their clock could have been a minute fast.

girlmom21 · 01/04/2022 08:14

I didn't think that "please don't be early, only come at your scheduled appointment time" meant anything but that

So why do you think it means "please come a minute or two late"?

stuntbubbles · 01/04/2022 08:19

@girlmom21

I didn't think that "please don't be early, only come at your scheduled appointment time" meant anything but that

So why do you think it means "please come a minute or two late"?

Oh give over, she doesn’t think that. She was one minute late: she didn’t plan it or think that was the right thing to do, it just happened in the way trying to time anything with kids to the minute is always impossible.

OP, in future I think you’re going to have to lurk outside for 5-10 minutes then land in reception precisely [X] seconds before your appointment time – with [X] being “the time it takes to say ‘I’ve got an appointment at 11.50am for name, name and name’”.

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