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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

AIBU or..

71 replies

MujosMama · 31/03/2022 14:16

So I am 21 weeks pregnant and my other half is currently on nights, meaning that I am not sleeping as usually one of us goes in with the toddler who does not sleep through and one of us has the baby who also does not sleep through. I've had both, and been working days. I'm feeling very tired and stressed and I cannot figure out if I am overreacting to this dentist situation. I may just need to rant.

I've been trying to get my youngest a dentist appointment since September. He is now almost exactly a year old and has had teeth for 6 months, so per the advice I scheduled his first appointment when those teeth first came through. Firstly his October appointment was cancelled because the dentist ran out of NHS treatment slots. Ridiculous, but not their fault, rescheduled for December. My other half took him but also had to take our middle son who was almost 2 at the time. They were turned away because the middle child had a runny nose. Despite the fact that he wasn't the child being seen and we'd done a negative covid test on him, they were turned away. Ok. Frustrating. Had a conversation with them about it, but understand the reasoning I guess although I'm not sure there's ever a time in the winter where one of my young children is not coldy. Couldn't get another appointment until last week. The day before, got the call to confirm but agreed to reschedule as this time the child actually being seen did have a cold. So we ended up at today. I turned up at the door at 12.51 for a 12.50 appointment, having got both children out of the car (no childcare today, I took a day off work as usually both kids go to my in laws on Thursdays but today I took it off specifically because of this dentist appointment; as previously noted hubs is on nights so sleeping). Getting both kids out the car with SPD is fun. Wait outside to be acknowledged as not allowed to enter. Get told to wait while they check with the dentist if he can still see me as I'm late?? Ok at that point its 12.53, I checked my phone. Then get told he can't see me as my appointment is halfway done. At that point it is 12.55. They close for an hour for lunch at 1. I've done plenty of these young kids appointments. It's a 10 second look in the mouth because that's all you can hold them down to do. In and out. I just looked at her and burst into tears and walked away. I know it's not her fault so I didn't say anything, I was just so frustrated that I had got them into the car and out for nothing only to then get them back to the car and back home and then have to call and reschedule and do it all AGAIN, when I've been trying to do this for 6 months. The middle one was grumpy because 12.30-1 is usually when he goes down for a nap but I took this appointment because it was all they had.

So am I just being a dick because I was late?? Are they just being cautious with the rescheduling?? I'm at the point where I am seriously considering moving dentists, but I don't know if anywhere else would be different?

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 31/03/2022 14:27

@MujosMama

Fucking hell I had no idea using that term was offensive ok. If everyone is going to miss the damn point because of it, can I edit it??
You're the one who's missed the point. How can you not know that a misogynistic slur is offensive? How can you not see that it's this very slur that's stopping you from getting the care you need?

Ask to get the thread pulled and try again.

yellowsuninthesky · 31/03/2022 14:28

@MerchSwyddEfrog

You are being unreasonable to use a misogynistic term on a parenting website mainly for women.
This. Nothing else to say.

Not just misogynistic, but also ageist.

Movinghouseatlast · 31/03/2022 14:28

Have a little think about why Karen might be offensive.

Or Google it.

LilyMumsnet · 31/03/2022 14:28

Hi all

We've now edited the title, as the OP got in touch.
Hopefully we can move on now!

Cocomarine · 31/03/2022 14:30

@MujosMama

Fucking hell I had no idea using that term was offensive ok. If everyone is going to miss the damn point because of it, can I edit it??
Is that the attitude you show at the dentist? Because that wouldn’t have me going out of my way to help you there.

Would it really have been so hard to say, “ah - sorry, I didn’t realise that’s offensive. I’ll repost and ask MN to delete this one.”?

MujosMama · 31/03/2022 14:30

Wow. Amazing how all the people getting offended are the ones now being derogatory, patronising and offensive to me, a woman, for using a term I didn't realise is offensive to women. I haven't been on this site in a while and hadn't realised this site had become so hateful. I'm

OP posts:
BulletTrain · 31/03/2022 14:30

My dentist wouldn't see mine until all teeth were through, in case you really can't face rescheduling.

That they're still making you hover outside and then taking the minutes that adds as "more" minutes late is very unreasonable. Mine is doing this so you are at the mercy of whether or not the receptionist is on the phone!

SweetsAndChocolates · 31/03/2022 14:30

@MujosMama don't think you're BU at all. You were a minute late, and by the time they'd had a chat about being able to see you it was 5 minutes over.

I'd feel frustrated in your shoes OP.

yellowsuninthesky · 31/03/2022 14:30

But they were unreasonable. They run late themselves all the time, it's ok for them to keep you waiting but not ok for you to be a couple of minutes late (assuming you are being scrupulously accurate about the timings).

Also - good luck with a third child!

MujosMama · 31/03/2022 14:33

@LilyMumsnet

Hi all

We've now edited the title, as the OP got in touch.
Hopefully we can move on now!

Thank you so much!
OP posts:
Devilishpyjamas · 31/03/2022 14:34

Cancelling you because you were one minute late with two children in tow is just arsey imo. I was 5 minutes late for the dentist yesterday - no excuse other than I bumped into someone I hadn't seen for 4 years and we had a very quick catch up. Luckily the dentist was running late (as they always are), and I waited another 5-10 mins before my appointment started. Perhaps they were overrunning and looking to bump people off the list?

Brefugee · 31/03/2022 14:35

well, you were late, so i guess technically they weren't in the wrong, although it seems harsh.

That's how it is for dentists now though. Either you go private and get ok service or you make sure you're at least 10 minutes early for everything.

MujosMama · 31/03/2022 14:35

@buzzandwoodyallday

It's all a bit of a crappy situation, but you should've got there earlier tbh. It wouldn't have killed them to see you anyway, but this time it is your fault that you got turned away. Leave more time to get the kids ready and out of the house next time. And I say this as a mother of 2 with just 12 months between them - I know how hard it is to get out with 2 young ones in tow, and you do have to be super organised. Good luck for next time.
I completely get this EXCEPT that they specifically told me not to turn up early!
OP posts:
Hwory · 31/03/2022 14:39

I don't know what your areas like but mine for NHS dentists is at least 15 month or 2 year wait list so you might want to try arriving 5 minutes early if you ever want to see a dentist on NHS rates.

RhodaDendron · 31/03/2022 14:40

I think your dentist is completely unreasonable. How easy is it for you to change? I know I wouldn’t be able to switch as nowhere near me is accepting new patients.
Don’t fret too much about your little ones seeing dentist though. I ran into a friend the other week whose three years old had never been. She thought I was mad for even attempting it. I also followed instructions and marched my kids off to see one at the first sign of a tooth. Dentist was quite bemused.

MujosMama · 31/03/2022 14:42

Thanks all. I feel like the answer is going to be ignore their own advice and get there 5 mins early, and just hang around (you're not allowed to wait inside and it's on a busy street) 🤷‍♀️ at least then I might actually get them seen. Thanks to those who engaged, I feel like it's a bit grey & I probably am overreacting slightly just because of the hormones and tiredness!!

OP posts:
MujosMama · 31/03/2022 14:44

@RhodaDendron

I think your dentist is completely unreasonable. How easy is it for you to change? I know I wouldn’t be able to switch as nowhere near me is accepting new patients. Don’t fret too much about your little ones seeing dentist though. I ran into a friend the other week whose three years old had never been. She thought I was mad for even attempting it. I also followed instructions and marched my kids off to see one at the first sign of a tooth. Dentist was quite bemused.
This is the problem - the nearest dentist accepting NHS patients who aren't exempt is 30 miles away. But, for kids, it seems to be easier. I am a bit worried as his teeth seem to be coming through with some discolouration which I didn't see in my older 2, so I was really hoping to get him seen!
OP posts:
gogohm · 31/03/2022 14:44

You were late, for appointments you should have checked in and be ready to see the dr, dentist etc at the appointment time not still getting out of the car. It's so frustrating for the professionals because they have booked you the slot you need so if you aren't ready they overrun. Yes often they run late and sometimes they can be flexible and switch things about but as a general rule I'm waiting for my appointment 5 mins before whatever it is

MujosMama · 31/03/2022 14:45

@Devilishpyjamas

Cancelling you because you were one minute late with two children in tow is just arsey imo. I was 5 minutes late for the dentist yesterday - no excuse other than I bumped into someone I hadn't seen for 4 years and we had a very quick catch up. Luckily the dentist was running late (as they always are), and I waited another 5-10 mins before my appointment started. Perhaps they were overrunning and looking to bump people off the list?
I thought this! Plenty of times we've waited patiently while they finish up
OP posts:
thewhatsit · 31/03/2022 14:46

“Karen” use aside it does sound tough.

I didn’t get my youngest her flu vaccination because finding a time when she doesn’t have cold symptoms would be impossible. It really is hard to do anything with young children when they’re not allowed in with cold symptoms.

At my last dentist appointment we were running late (following another appointment) and managed to arrive about two minutes early, hot and sweaty from running with two kids as I was desperate not to be late. I then had to wait thirty minutes as they were late themselves. They wouldn’t let more than one household into the waiting room so I had to sit in the stairwell, breastfeeding a toddler on the floor..

BritInUS1 · 31/03/2022 14:46

YABU you were late

Knowing the children are a challenge, why did you not leave 10 minutes earlier?

My dentist asks you to make sure you are outside 10 minutes before your appointment

MujosMama · 31/03/2022 14:47

@BritInUS1

YABU you were late

Knowing the children are a challenge, why did you not leave 10 minutes earlier?

My dentist asks you to make sure you are outside 10 minutes before your appointment

Well my dentist specifically asks you not to show up before your appointment time, so I guess that's the difference. I underestimated the time it would take me to get them out of the car and to the door, by 1 minute
OP posts:
stuntbubbles · 31/03/2022 15:09

How can you not see that it's this very slur that's stopping you from getting the care you need?
Eh? She didn’t call the dentist Karen.

DrSbaitso · 31/03/2022 15:17

@stuntbubbles

How can you not see that it's this very slur that's stopping you from getting the care you need? Eh? She didn’t call the dentist Karen.
No, she allowed the fear of being a "Karen" to interfere with her actions for getting proper care and service. That's how misogynistic slurs work. Don't do thar or you'll be lumped in with whatever the insult du jour for women happens to be at that given moment.

Anyway, just clarifying. MNHQ has dealt with it.

MujosMama · 31/03/2022 15:31

"No, she allowed the fear of being a "Karen" to interfere with her actions for getting proper care and service."

Sorry what? To be clear, as I have already stated, none of what happened was the receptionists fault so my behaviour would not have been different even if I was sure I was justified in being upset, which, by the very existence of my post, I was not

OP posts:
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